To expect DH to heat up some soup for me for dinner?

[iLiKESOUP]

DC1 is 19 months old and I'm currently 5 months pregnant with DC2. SIL was visiting for the day and we all went for a picnic at the park (DH, DC and SIL) and had a lovely day. As we didn't have time to do our weekly big groceries shop, we popped into the supermarket on our way back to pick up stuff for dinner. We got ingredients for veggie and tofu stir fry (preprepared/precooked ingredients). As I wasn't sure whether that would be enough I insisted on buying some ready-made soup as well for myself as I was really craving it.

I had to visit the loo when we got back (I've been spending a lot of time there lately due to the pregnancy!). I admittedly had to spend a long time in, maybe 20 minutes (but it wasn't like I was on my phone or anything!) while DH was preparing dinner and looking after DC.

By the time we all sat at the table, DH served the stir fry plus some extra fresh veg but no soup. When I asked him why, he said that he had to prioritise preparing dinner for everyone else instead of something that only I was to eat and that it had already been tough for him preparing the stir fry and the other foods while also looking after DC, who was being very difficult.

I am pregnant while also breastfeeding our toddler, AIBU to expect him to be a little more considerate? It's not the first time I tell him I'm hungry and need food and he ignores it. I would totally get it if I asked him to cook a complex recipe from scratch but all I asked him was to heat some soup for me in the microwave for 3 minutes!

SIL has just left so we talked about it. He is insisting that I was being selfish to expect my needs to be met first and that DC was being really difficult while he was cooking, leaving him no time to do anything else.

I’d be annoyed if he deliberately didn’t do it if you asked in good time and we’re genuinely using your time effectively, especially if your SIL was there hovering around.

Does he think you were time wasting and avoiding helping with the dinner?

Why would you need to feed a 19 month old?

What do you do if your husband isn’t at home absolutely you’re trying to prepare food for yourself, while minding your toddler?

I think your were being unreasonable. Your toddler didn’t suddenly get difficult the moment you stepped out of the bathroom- your husband was most likely cooking and dealing with the tantrums when you appeared on the scene.

We read. Some of us just think you’re being precious.

It was a bowl of soup. I’m sure you could manage it yourself after all the over dramatic bollox.

Your DH had been cooking a meal though (and you can't really walk away from stir fry) and dealing with your DC who you say was throwing a bit of a tantrum. If you were breastfeeding, I wouldn't really be expecting you to be eating hot soup at the same time.

But it's not about the soup or the stir fry, is it? You mention in your first post that

It's not the first time I tell him I'm hungry and need food and he ignores it.

I think you could have worded that better. It does sound a bit foot-stampy without any further details. Perhaps today is not a good example of the issue, because your DH wasn't sitting around either so it's easy to see why he didn't heat up the soup at the time.

I literally couldn't move!

Are you sure you literally couldn't move?

Oh well, have a shit night because you didn't get your soup warmed for you (and felt the need to share).

FFS you sound like hard work and I feel sorry for you husband with your demands and insisting. You're pregnant not an invalid and I very much doubt you'd be eating soup while breastfeeding. Grow up

It's not the first time I tell him I'm hungry and need food and he ignores it.

Sorry but this is hillarious!

OK, I'll bite.

So when you literally couldn't move when calming down DC, but expected your DH to do that while cooking a stir fry for everyone and warming your soup?

Why couldn't you eat the stir fry?

I'll agree with previous posters and say that based on this thread you seem like hard work, OP.

People - OP is pregnant and was hangry, PFB was having a melt down and her OH made a vegetable and tofu stir fry when she wanted chicken? soup.

Under normal circumstances, I'd have put the soup in the microwave before hitting the loo (soup first might have sped things up, tbh) but it wouldn't have hurt your h to do that job for you, if you haf asked.

I hate when people use pregnancy as an excuse to be demanding. Single mums just get on with it so why can't you? Reminds me of the pregnant women that sulk if their partners won't go to the shop at 3am for pure greed cravings.

Also you didn't need to feed a toddler and it really shouldn't be a large part of their diet at this age, a 10 minute feed for no reason seems excessive.

People - OP is pregnant and was hangry, PFB was having a melt down and her OH made a vegetable and tofu stir fry when she wanted chicken? soup

Pretty much either people have forgotten what it was like to be pregnant, haven't had babies or they're men.

Or just want to stick the boot in because there is a bit of a bandwagon going on and they want to be a part of the gang having no opinions of their own

I honestly don't know how he copes with you; lets hope you return to your normal sensibilities once baby is here

OP, or you could have dealt with the situation and shock horror heated your soup up afterwards .

He is not your slave, you were away 20 minutes and he cooked and looked after a toddler.
This is such a non issue, if you want extra food after the main meal that has been prepared, get it yourself. He gave you food, if you want more you know where the kitchen is.

@Essex.
He cooked food for the whole family and looked after the toddler.

Surely OP could have waited for the soup, and got it after dealing with the toddler or even better ket her husband deal with the toddler and she can make her own soup.

Or just want to stick the boot in because there is a bit of a bandwagon going on and they want to be a part of the gang having no opinions of their own

Yeah that'll be it...

I assumed the reason the OP couldn't move was due to the breastfeeding. Not the toddler tantrum.

Regardless of who is being unreasonable, my DH would have had the soup in my hands within three minutes of me getting out the loo and breasfeeding.

P.s

I don’t use pregnancy to be demanding. I am demanding and if I was craving soup and hd made it clear I was going to eat soup as soon as possible, then got on the couch with the kids for whatever reason I would have expected and got soup.

Because that’s what I wanted

Shame the toddler couldn't warm the soup. It is clear as day they run the show in every other way. Interesting times coming up!

Your child is 1. Just say 1.

@Essex.
He cooked food for the whole family and looked after the toddler

lol - he bunged a pre-packed veg stir fry into a wok for 3 minutes whilst not coping with the toddler having a meltdown. And who the fuck wants a tofu stir fry when they are pregnant, hangry and craving chicken soup. I am just saying that we should hear the OP out :-)

I rest my case.

YWBABU to 'have a talk' about it and to be so upset by it, but it's ok to be a bit miffed. When I was pregnant I got into a rage with DH because he would only drive to TWO different Morrisons supermarkets for the exact type of cheese topped bap I was craving!

But I don't care if I make a rod for my own back - oh you will, you will! (I only have one DC who is now nine and I said that about computer/tv time and now I'm regretting it! I think awarding tantrums with breast feeding and not persevering with high chair and self feeding may indeed be a downfall once the new baby arrives and you find you are unable to do either because of having to look after them. The tantrums will escalate because there are no consequences apart from getting their own way.)