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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to heat up some soup for me for dinner?

239 replies

iLiKESOUP · 04/08/2018 21:57

DC1 is 19 months old and I'm currently 5 months pregnant with DC2. SIL was visiting for the day and we all went for a picnic at the park (DH, DC and SIL) and had a lovely day. As we didn't have time to do our weekly big groceries shop, we popped into the supermarket on our way back to pick up stuff for dinner. We got ingredients for veggie and tofu stir fry (preprepared/precooked ingredients). As I wasn't sure whether that would be enough I insisted on buying some ready-made soup as well for myself as I was really craving it.

I had to visit the loo when we got back (I've been spending a lot of time there lately due to the pregnancy!). I admittedly had to spend a long time in, maybe 20 minutes (but it wasn't like I was on my phone or anything!) while DH was preparing dinner and looking after DC.

By the time we all sat at the table, DH served the stir fry plus some extra fresh veg but no soup. When I asked him why, he said that he had to prioritise preparing dinner for everyone else instead of something that only I was to eat and that it had already been tough for him preparing the stir fry and the other foods while also looking after DC, who was being very difficult.

I am pregnant while also breastfeeding our toddler, AIBU to expect him to be a little more considerate? It's not the first time I tell him I'm hungry and need food and he ignores it. I would totally get it if I asked him to cook a complex recipe from scratch but all I asked him was to heat some soup for me in the microwave for 3 minutes!

SIL has just left so we talked about it. He is insisting that I was being selfish to expect my needs to be met first and that DC was being really difficult while he was cooking, leaving him no time to do anything else.

OP posts:
worridmum · 05/08/2018 10:00

God forbid a pregant woman has to make her own extra food. If a man said what the OP had said he would be ripped to shreds he is your parter not your man-servant.

Jackieyoulooknice · 05/08/2018 10:10

Cantankerous Camel you are over invested in this thread, are you OP?

Yes people do breastfeed toddlers, they don't usually let the toddler rule everything though because that's how you make a naughty child. What will the toddler do when the baby is here? Being as breastfeeding is no longer essential at that age the toddler could have waited and had a cup of water and a meal.

If a man made this thread everyone would go insane.

Fang2468 · 05/08/2018 10:12

if a man said what the OP had said he would be ripped to shreds he is your parter not your man-servant

This, exactly 100%. You could have warmed up your own soup in the time it took you to type this thread. Be grateful he had a meal on the table for you, if the genders were reversed there would be an enormous flaming ongoing.

CantankerousCamel · 05/08/2018 10:12

He’s your partner (sp) not your man servant

Actually when I am growing one child, calming another and doing all the other things mothers do, his role is exactly that of my ‘man servant’

I care for kids

He cares for me.

That is the natural way of things.

OrcinusOrca · 05/08/2018 10:12

It feels like you're blowing this up a bit. I can't imagine something like this ever bothering me to this extent. Either there is more to this and it's a symptom of bigger problems, or you are getting bothered by things which are too minor in the grand scheme of life and I think you could do with re evaluating a bit.

Considering soup takes three mins, I don't see why you couldn't just be three mins behind everyone else for dinner? It's not a disaster. Your DH had done the bulk of dinner and you're focusing on a tiny aspect that you're really unhappy with. Nit picking does not lend itself to a long and happy marriage.

CantankerousCamel · 05/08/2018 10:13

The sexes can’t ‘be reversed’ because men don’t grow humans and breastfeed

AngelsSins · 05/08/2018 10:14

God forbid a pregant woman has to make her own extra food. If a man said what the OP had said he would be ripped to shreds he is your parter not your man-servant

What utter sexist rubbish! Women around the bloody world manage to cook a meal for their whole family whilst looking after a toddler, but god forbid we’d expect a man to be able to cope. Also if a man posted this, he wouldn’t be pregnant would he, or breast feeding. I’ve seen women on here told to look after their partners kids for free, because she’s already looking after her own, so “what difference does it make?” Do you think the same would be expected of a man?

Gottokondo · 05/08/2018 10:19

If someone makes you dinner you thank them and eat it.

But then I hate picky eaters. You can cook the soup yourself after if necessary.

Original poster
iLiKESOUP · 05/08/2018 10:20

Thanks everyone. Just sat DC in their high chair for breakfast this morning and informed them they're in for a rude awakening. DC now looks very concerned. Grin

Cheerio, I'm now off to preheat some premade soup in the microwave for 3 minutes.

OP posts:
CantankerousCamel · 05/08/2018 10:21

The bloody notion of ‘the sexes being reversed’ is just so ludicrous.

OP you’re growing the dudes children. Both of them, the fucking least he can do is make you a bowl of soup.

Don’t listen to the martyrs, theses are the times you say ‘look this is what I expect from my husband’ without it being some fraught nightmare because it’s a really huge thing.

I would explain to him exactly what I expected and why.

Not freeze out territory or anything but just making it clear that if I have a need due directly to growing his children, I expect him to facilitate that as much as he can and make it a priority.

Fang2468 · 05/08/2018 10:22

Of course the genders could be reversed, use your imagination and substitute ‘pregnant’ for a health reason and ‘breastfeeding’ for completing an important task. Sounds like a princessy attitude to me and yes s man would be ripped to shreds on Aibu for demanded a seperate extra meal.

Original poster
iLiKESOUP · 05/08/2018 10:23

Thanks CantankerousCamel

OP posts:
Barbaro · 05/08/2018 10:27

Well you're only wanting people to side with you really. You don't care that you were unreasonable and he was right. Prioritising everyone's meal or a meal for one person is correct. Plus you aren't useless, you can put soup in the microwave after you've had the stir fry. You don't need both meals at once.

But since you only want agreement, I suggest you totally berate your husband for doing this evil thing to you, never speak to him again and leave the bastard.

CantankerousCamel · 05/08/2018 10:29

If DH had a health condition and was completing an important task he wouldn't have cravings as a direct result of that.

But I would also make him soup.

Downtheroadfirstonleft · 05/08/2018 10:30

DH not doing the soup - not great, but no biggie.
The fuss OP is making, inc the next day = bonkers!

kaytee87 · 05/08/2018 10:31

Honestly? I'd have eaten the stir fry and then gone to make the soup afterwards if still hungry. I wouldn't have both at the same time anyway as one would have gone cold.

CantankerousCamel · 05/08/2018 10:33

I imagine the only ‘fuss the next day’ is this thread. I’d have told DH exactly what was expected of him within 10mins of SIL leaving and left it at that

Jackieyoulooknice · 05/08/2018 10:33

Ah yes, that has confirmed for me that CantankerousCamel is in fact, OP. Your attitude to your husband, calling him a man servant is vile, you are not God just because you have got pregnant.

CantankerousCamel · 05/08/2018 10:36

I didn’t call anyone a ‘man servant’ that was one of the bleeding heart, ‘oh at least he made you soup’ handmaidens

CantankerousCamel · 05/08/2018 10:37

And I am not the OP. I’ve made four babies. I’m done

Jackieyoulooknice · 05/08/2018 10:37

"Actually when I am growing one child, calming another and doing all the other things mothers do, his role is exactly that of my ‘man servant’

I care for kids

He cares for me.

That is the natural way of things."

You agreed that is his role, pregnancy is not an illness.

CantankerousCamel · 05/08/2018 10:41

I don’t call him a man servant though. That was something a hand wringer cried out.

He is my husband, performing the task of making the family as a whole happy and cohesive. He can’t breastfeed or grow children so he does that by supporting me.

Honestly why else do we have them around?!

worridmum · 05/08/2018 10:48

cantankerous is just a troll no one can be as daft as she sounds.

VladmirsPoutine · 05/08/2018 10:49

I think cantankerous and the OP should divorce their respective spouses and marry each other. A match made in matrimonial hell.

Fang2468 · 05/08/2018 10:50

He can’t breastfeed or grow children so he does that by supporting me, honestly why else do we have them around. = as a man can’t be pregnant or grow breasts he must do everything I say he should and I’ll call it ‘supporting’

Like I said, a man would rightly be flamed for saying these things