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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to heat up some soup for me for dinner?

239 replies

iLiKESOUP · 04/08/2018 21:57

DC1 is 19 months old and I'm currently 5 months pregnant with DC2. SIL was visiting for the day and we all went for a picnic at the park (DH, DC and SIL) and had a lovely day. As we didn't have time to do our weekly big groceries shop, we popped into the supermarket on our way back to pick up stuff for dinner. We got ingredients for veggie and tofu stir fry (preprepared/precooked ingredients). As I wasn't sure whether that would be enough I insisted on buying some ready-made soup as well for myself as I was really craving it.

I had to visit the loo when we got back (I've been spending a lot of time there lately due to the pregnancy!). I admittedly had to spend a long time in, maybe 20 minutes (but it wasn't like I was on my phone or anything!) while DH was preparing dinner and looking after DC.

By the time we all sat at the table, DH served the stir fry plus some extra fresh veg but no soup. When I asked him why, he said that he had to prioritise preparing dinner for everyone else instead of something that only I was to eat and that it had already been tough for him preparing the stir fry and the other foods while also looking after DC, who was being very difficult.

I am pregnant while also breastfeeding our toddler, AIBU to expect him to be a little more considerate? It's not the first time I tell him I'm hungry and need food and he ignores it. I would totally get it if I asked him to cook a complex recipe from scratch but all I asked him was to heat some soup for me in the microwave for 3 minutes!

SIL has just left so we talked about it. He is insisting that I was being selfish to expect my needs to be met first and that DC was being really difficult while he was cooking, leaving him no time to do anything else.

OP posts:
BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 05/08/2018 13:30

Why would you be grateful silentnighttwo? Is your DH not your DC's father

Yet so many threads say men should be grateful for everything their wife does.

Uzicorn · 05/08/2018 13:33

Boxsets, only men who expect their wives to work full time, provide all care for DC and do all the housework. Sadly common MN. Those men should be grateful. And divorced by their wives.

Jackieyoulooknice · 05/08/2018 13:37

Maybe your toddler is tantrumming as she's copying her mother's behaviour. You aren't coming across well on here.

CantankerousCamel · 05/08/2018 13:37

Oh no, he KNOWS what is expected of him Grin

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 05/08/2018 13:38

Well that went well

PurpleRobe · 05/08/2018 13:51

Have a Biscuit instead

OneForTheRoadThen · 05/08/2018 14:04

I'd ignore a grown adult who told me they were hungry and required food too.

Timeisslippingaway · 05/08/2018 14:16

*CantankerousCamel

Oh no, he KNOWS what is expected of him*

^ love it! 😂

Iputthescrewinthetuna · 05/08/2018 14:51

If I told my DP 'what was expected of him' he would possibly leave me. I have never expected my DP to make me a coffee let alone my dinner.
He does this all on his own accord. However, if he didn't I wouldn't get my arse in my hands!
I had serious pregnancy complications. I was bed bound for 2 months, I hated that he had to do everything for me. There were times I would try to do things and would collapse in pain. Why? Cos I would never dream of asking my partner to do anything for me! If I wanted a coffe I would make one, if I wanted food, I would make it! He wouldn't ask anything of me either!
I must be missing a trick! Mr Iput, I demand you to make me soup!

I am sure he would obey!! Hmm

Uzicorn · 05/08/2018 15:15

Cos I would never dream of asking my partner to do anything for me! If I wanted a coffe I would make one, if I wanted food, I would make it!

That's quite sad. DH and I are both capable of getting what we want ourselves but it's nice to know I can ask him to get me a drink or bite to eat and vice versa. If I'm engrossed in a TV show or an MN thread and don't want to get up to go to the kitchen, or when he's engrossed in the footy.

That's what married couples do surely? As long it's equal and one person doesn't feel like the other person should be at their beck and call.

And whilst I think OP is a bit militant in her expectations of her DH, a man should want to give his partner extra care and attention when she's carrying their child and has the shits

firsttimemum889 · 05/08/2018 15:31

Seriously ?? Just heat up the soup yourself ! You are pregnant not sick !

firsttimemum889 · 05/08/2018 15:39

those who don’t explain to the males what is expected of them on a day to day basis. Honestly they respond so well to it.

Are you takig about your dh or an employee ?? Ridiculous. If a man said that about his wife you would scream
Abuse !

CantankerousCamel · 05/08/2018 15:44

Uzicorn exactly

CantankerousCamel · 05/08/2018 15:45

first

It’s not abuse if they like it

Sleeplikeasloth · 05/08/2018 16:03

When exactly should he have cooked the soup?

  1. when you were in the loo. If he had, it would have got cold.
  2. when you came down. If he had, it would havr got cold as you were breastfeeding your toddler.
  3. when everyone else is eating? It would have gone cold because your toddler sits in your lap and you feed him/her, so wouldn't have been eating anyway.
  4. after everyone's meal. You were as free as he was at that point.

It sounds like a hormone induced strop to me. Lots of us (me included) have done these, and generally they are very unreasonable, but not something you realise at the time.

I agree with others though that you really so need to sort out pandering to your toddler quite so much or all hell will break loose when the baby arrives, and your toddler will resent the baby for it. Much better to get into good habits now so your child doesn't link the two and take it out on the new sibling.

CantankerousCamel · 05/08/2018 16:23

sleep

My DH eats his meal alone after everyone else to prevent this sort of nonsense

Sleeplikeasloth · 05/08/2018 16:26

Yet more evidence Camel sees her husband as some kind of servant rather than an equal.

SarahLibra1974 · 05/08/2018 16:27

Hmm I think you should cut your man some slack here.

Oblomov18 · 05/08/2018 16:27

Ha ha. Op gets worse with every post!

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 05/08/2018 16:33

Camels having you all on! 😂😂 She’s funny!

The OP however, I can’t tell if she’s having a laugh, or if she really believes her DH should be waiting on her hand and foot.. 😬

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 05/08/2018 16:37

My DH eats his meal alone after everyone else to prevent this sort of nonsense

What? Why?

CantankerousCamel · 05/08/2018 16:51

What Why?

TO PREVENT THIS SORT OF NONSENSE

goodness me it would help if people could read. Are you male? Get your wife to help.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 05/08/2018 17:00

Why does your husband eat after you?
You sound fucking barking btw.

GinUnicorn · 05/08/2018 17:18

Going against the grain here. If my DP said he wasn’t feeling well and could I heat him up some soup I’d happily do so even whilst looking after our little one. It’s hardly a big ask.

Uzicorn · 05/08/2018 17:23

Why does your husband eat after you?

Presumably he wants to feed his 4 children first and then in eat in peace.

It's refreshing to hear a man do this, usually it's the mums eating last.