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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to heat up some soup for me for dinner?

239 replies

iLiKESOUP · 04/08/2018 21:57

DC1 is 19 months old and I'm currently 5 months pregnant with DC2. SIL was visiting for the day and we all went for a picnic at the park (DH, DC and SIL) and had a lovely day. As we didn't have time to do our weekly big groceries shop, we popped into the supermarket on our way back to pick up stuff for dinner. We got ingredients for veggie and tofu stir fry (preprepared/precooked ingredients). As I wasn't sure whether that would be enough I insisted on buying some ready-made soup as well for myself as I was really craving it.

I had to visit the loo when we got back (I've been spending a lot of time there lately due to the pregnancy!). I admittedly had to spend a long time in, maybe 20 minutes (but it wasn't like I was on my phone or anything!) while DH was preparing dinner and looking after DC.

By the time we all sat at the table, DH served the stir fry plus some extra fresh veg but no soup. When I asked him why, he said that he had to prioritise preparing dinner for everyone else instead of something that only I was to eat and that it had already been tough for him preparing the stir fry and the other foods while also looking after DC, who was being very difficult.

I am pregnant while also breastfeeding our toddler, AIBU to expect him to be a little more considerate? It's not the first time I tell him I'm hungry and need food and he ignores it. I would totally get it if I asked him to cook a complex recipe from scratch but all I asked him was to heat some soup for me in the microwave for 3 minutes!

SIL has just left so we talked about it. He is insisting that I was being selfish to expect my needs to be met first and that DC was being really difficult while he was cooking, leaving him no time to do anything else.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 04/08/2018 22:19

*bog

Original poster
iLiKESOUP · 04/08/2018 22:19

Also, DC always asks to sit on me and be fed by me only, so it's not like I can usually move around and help myself to other food while we're having dinner. (She refuses to go on the high chair.)

OP posts:
steff13 · 04/08/2018 22:20

If someone spends 20 minutes in the restroom, I'd assume stomach issues and question whether you'd feel like eating at all.

Bazzlebear · 04/08/2018 22:20

Just trying to imagine this the other way round:

Man (who has, perhaps, a cold, or constipation, to represent pregnancy) sits on loo for 20 mins whilst Woman singlehandedly cares for toddler and cooks dinner.

Man appears from loo, sits down with toddler. 10 mins later Woman serves him dinner. Woman has not prepared his personal soup bowl alongside the family dinner.

Man believes this to be utterly unreasonable behaviour from Woman.

Really?! Hmm

If you still wanted soup after stir fry, whack it in the microwave yourself.

steff13 · 04/08/2018 22:21

Also, DC always asks to sit on me and be fed by me only, so it's not like I can usually move around and help myself to other food while we're having dinner. (She refuses to go on the high chair.)

You need to nip that in the bud, or she's going to be in for a bit of a rude awakening when there's an infant on the scene.

cadburyegg · 04/08/2018 22:21

You are both being unreasonable

LaurieMarlow · 04/08/2018 22:23

I think he did pretty well in the circs actually. You were provided with a meal so you weren't starving. It would have been more reasonable for you to heat your own soup.

Original poster
iLiKESOUP · 04/08/2018 22:24

Bazzlebear The gender inversion doesn't work. I wasn't able to do anything myself because I was sitting there with a tantruming/breastfeeding child. I couldn't get up for the duration of the meal!

OP posts:
NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 04/08/2018 22:24

This is a weird thread.. firstly, he had no idea how long you’d be in the loo, secondly he had no idea how long you’d be breastfeeding your 19 month old.

Lastly, if your 19 year old is able to have a tantrum and demand bf whenever they want, how will it cope when you have a baby and can’t? I’d suggest you stop being dictated to by your child and make your own soup. Your DH did enough.

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 04/08/2018 22:24

Ha... 19 month old, not 19 year old!!! 😳

Raines100 · 04/08/2018 22:25

But presumably, you wouldn't have wanted the soup to go cold while you ate your stir fry?

Original poster
iLiKESOUP · 04/08/2018 22:27

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking "19 month old, not 19 year old!!!" Lol Grin

But I'm not looking for parenting advice, just relationship advice.

OP posts:
Cleanermaidcook · 04/08/2018 22:28

Sorry but he cooked for everyone and looked after dcwhile you were in the toilet to 20 mins. . At 19 months old you could have told dc to wait am moment while you put the soup on or you could have eaten stir fry with everyone or the extra veg with everyone else and had the soup later, you really don't need to eat the soup immediately just because that's what you are craving.
On the other hand sil could have helped placate the toddler or help in the kitchen.

Boulshired · 04/08/2018 22:29

Not sure it would even be safe to eat hot soup whilst breast feeding a child having a tantrum.

LaurieMarlow · 04/08/2018 22:29

You need to sort DC1's behaviour out if she's so demanding of your time and physical space that you can't take 3 mins to heat stuff in the microwave .

Ryder63 · 04/08/2018 22:29

Bit of a non issue. However you really do need to stop letting your DC rule you like this.

Racecardriver · 04/08/2018 22:32

He found it tough to whack prepreoared ingredients in a pan and stir them around a bit?

SoftSheen · 04/08/2018 22:33

What a bizarre thread. Why on earth can't you just microwave your own soup? If DH was both cooking a stirfry and looking after a tantrumming toddler, he may well genuinely have forgotten about the soup or been unable to see to it. Surely we have all been in situations like that?

Bazzlebear · 04/08/2018 22:33

The gender inversion doesn't work. I wasn't able to do anything myself because I was sitting there with a tantruming/breastfeeding child. I couldn't get up for the duration of the meal!

This really is no different to a father comforting and distracting a tantruming toddler (though it does remind us that he'd been dealing with that whilst cooking dinner and presumably managed that... Wink .

Honestly, I can't imagine getting so miffed at not being served your own bowl of soup alongside dinner. Just have it after if you still wanted it. Alternating mouthfuls of each would be weird anyway. Much nicer as a second course!

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 04/08/2018 22:34

I think a stir fry is a pretty full on task when also looking after a child as it's the kind of thing that burns when you turn your back so I think looking after a toddler while cooking one is enough to be getting on with. So don't think I'd be annoyed at not having soup ready as well given it only takes a couple of minutes when you're ready to eat it. By the sounds of it you couldn't have eaten it anyway as you were feeding the toddler so it would have been cold if he'd made it straight away (20 min loo plus 10 min feeding).

pictish · 04/08/2018 22:35

Ach it just sounds like everyone had a bit too much to do and worry about. No one is right or wrong. FWIW, I’d have just heated the bloody soup myself and not made an issue of it.

Timeisslippingaway · 04/08/2018 22:36

What on earth are you going to do when you have a tiny baby to breast feed and your toddler is tantruming to be frestfed at the same time?
This is such a non issue, I can't believe you had to have a "talk" about it Hmm.
It's heating up soup in a microwave. You are being extremely precious.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 04/08/2018 22:36

You were ages in the toilet Hmm how the fuck did he know when you'd be out?
Presumably you're a grown up, put your own soup in the microwave & stop being precious ffs.

Ethylred · 04/08/2018 22:40

Next time get the toddler to do it. It seems to be the adult here.

MarthasGinYard · 04/08/2018 22:40

Grow up