To never host for friends again?

[LupiPie]

I met these (until recently, I thought) lovely ladies through DC's swim class.

I've been to one of their houses before for lunch and drinks so I thought I'd invite them both to my house.

We all got on great, as usual, and then the comments started coming. I'm not usually an anxious and conscious person, but I must be because I remember every word and still shudder with embarrassment.

Person 1 "Your house is lovely, so clean!"

Person 2 "I could never keep my house this clean"

Me, can't remember my exact words, but said something like "Thanks ladies, I do love a clean house. It doesn't come naturally though. I'm always doing bits and bobs!"

Person 1 and 2 now look at each other and sort of exclude me from conversation.

Person 1 "I'd just much rather spend the time with my little one! What's the point? I don't think it's good to waste time on cleaning too much"

Person 2 laughs "Me too! I just think they're only small once. I haven't got time to clean. I just hide everything if anyone important is coming!"

They then both burst into laughter

I keep replaying what they've said in my head and I feel awful.

I feel like they felt out of place in my house. And I would never want anyone to feel that way.

I never judge or take much notice of anyone's house state, not really.

My own is very clean and tidy because I'm on the ball and keep it that way. I'm not a magical fairy that clicks her fingers. A tidy home makes me happy but I understand that's not for everyone.

I never miss out on my DC... We are always doing things, always out and about.

I just feel quite shaken by it all.

Ridiculous really, but AIBU not to invite them back?

I think it's just as bad as saying my house is a shit hole!

Can’t believe those bitches, saying your house was clean!

Overreacting much?

I think you're being ridiculous. They were throwaway comments.

Yanbu!! They are very rude!

Oh for fucks sake, it’s not about them saying it was clean it’s the snide comments afterwards insinuating that the OP doesn’t spend time with her children.

Ignore them, I love a clean house too and my children get plenty of my time and attention.

I think you've probably taken it the wrong way.

It doesn't sound like they were having a go.

You met them at an activity your DC does so they know your child does get attention.

I'd ignore and see how they are with you in future.

Gab Would it be okay to make a comment like "I could never have a house this dirty, I couldn't stand it!"?

Because I'm thinking not

Ya I think you are over thinking it. You like them, don't let this come between you. I think it's probably more of a case of them being slightly embarrassed by their houses not being as clean and justifying it in a light-hearted way, or attempting to anyway, I would just chalk it down to awkward embarrassment and move on

you are being oversensitive

I would have thought they were joking, possibly jealous, and just move on.

They were rude.

You're over thinking it.

how rude, everyone does things differently and before anyone jumps in and feels the need to say the other two mums are jealous, they're probably not, they just like ganging up and holding power, showing you who is boss.

i actually had this when my dc was in reception, i invited two mums over one saturday morning while the littlies just mooched about playing. they were chatty enough but mainly talked amongst themselves when i got up to do something or get something else and continued that conversation excluding me for a good 5-10 minutes. i felt like a stranger in my own home.

Sounds like they were trying to make themselves feel better about their own houses. And it seems impossible these days to say something nice without having to put someone or something else down.

Ummmm, they were really impressed with how nicely you keep your house, felt bad about the state of their own houses and then tried to make each other feel better... I think you're reading too much into it... they didn't say 'I prefer to spend time with my children unlike you OP!!!

I'm someone who is always jealous of other people's beautifully kept houses but I always assume that they are just naturally good at keeping a house clean so it wouldn't detract from their time doing other things, whereas I am terrible at that sort of thing and it would take me hours and hours!

Sounds to me like they both felt your clean house showed up their dirty ones and made the comments to try and make themselves feel better.

Just feel pleased that your house is so nice that it embarrassed two fully grown women into acting like teenagers!

And if mention of coming to yours comes up again, say ‘oh, I thought my house was too clean for you?’

Just the clean comments would be fine but following it up with the remarks about prioritising their children (as if you don't spend time with your kids) is rude. They were probably feeling defensive (as a massively messy person I'm definitely a bit ashamed of my house and feel slightly in awe of more organised people) but that's no reason to be rude.

Let it go. They felt bad when you said you have to put lots of effort in as it implied someone who doesn't is lazy! They were trying to make themselves feel better not snipe at you.

Next time just say thank you, followed by something self deprecating like 'it's an easy house to clean' or 'thank god for the cleaner' if you don't want to shame them.

Most houses with small kids are ime a bit grubby and untidy. I like a clean house too but we're in the minority.

Deep down they are probably unhappy living in their own mess, and with their own lazy approach to their homes - a kind of "they doth protest too much" situation.

It's easy to be wise after the event, but in your shoes I'd have said something like "each to their own, eh?",smiled, and just carried on regardless. Certainly do not let it get to you. You know you are doing what is right for you.

I think I'll just draw a line under it and move on. There were other silly things they did whilst there that made me uncomfortable too, like when we had a drink outside and one of them accidentally put their drink next to the coaster instead of on top

They eyes each other, and had a little jokey 'giggle' as if to say "naughty you!" when they thought I wasn't looking

Other than that they're nice Mums and seem to be good people

Sounds like they felt your comment was a bit judgy/superior and they got defensive and tried to even the score. Lots of people feel inadequate for not having/keeping a tidier home. Goes to show that women can never win.

I'd say let this one pass and see how it goes.

They were being cheeky bitches . I have a very clean house . When my children were little I still had a clean and tidy house because my kids could play alone or watch tv while I cleaned .Heck sometimes I even cleaned while they slept!😱
I know one person who lives in a shit tip who would make similar comments to me on occasion . I told her I was just superwoman and somehow managed to do it all . I offered her some suggestions, she never mentioned it again 😂😇

A very bad attempt to justify their own houses I'd say. My house is passable, DH and I do a good scurryfunge (our favourite word!) But if I wanted to continue the line of conversation around how clean your house was, while mine was not, I'd go along the 'I don't know how you do it' or 'you're superwoman' 'you've got more get up and go than me!'

I wouldn't employ mum guilt comments designed to make me feel better about living in a mess while bringing another woman down. Mean. The I just hide anything bit was a joke, the rest was a tad uncalled for.

They were being rude and judgemental to your face. At least now you know what they're like.

Purple Is she a proud owner of one of those "Excuse the mess, the children are making memories" things by any chance?

Its not what they said that s the problem. If it wasn't your house being clean it would have been something else for them to be snide about.
They aren't nice friendly people, they are a pair of bitches. their relationship is cemented by their mutual bullying of other people.

Walk away from them with no regrets. One day something will happen to drive a wedge between them and you don't want to be caught up in the fallout.