To never host for friends again?

[LupiPie]

I met these (until recently, I thought) lovely ladies through DC's swim class.

I've been to one of their houses before for lunch and drinks so I thought I'd invite them both to my house.

We all got on great, as usual, and then the comments started coming. I'm not usually an anxious and conscious person, but I must be because I remember every word and still shudder with embarrassment.

Person 1 "Your house is lovely, so clean!"

Person 2 "I could never keep my house this clean"

Me, can't remember my exact words, but said something like "Thanks ladies, I do love a clean house. It doesn't come naturally though. I'm always doing bits and bobs!"

Person 1 and 2 now look at each other and sort of exclude me from conversation.

Person 1 "I'd just much rather spend the time with my little one! What's the point? I don't think it's good to waste time on cleaning too much"

Person 2 laughs "Me too! I just think they're only small once. I haven't got time to clean. I just hide everything if anyone important is coming!"

They then both burst into laughter

I keep replaying what they've said in my head and I feel awful.

I feel like they felt out of place in my house. And I would never want anyone to feel that way.

I never judge or take much notice of anyone's house state, not really.

My own is very clean and tidy because I'm on the ball and keep it that way. I'm not a magical fairy that clicks her fingers. A tidy home makes me happy but I understand that's not for everyone.

I never miss out on my DC... We are always doing things, always out and about.

I just feel quite shaken by it all.

Ridiculous really, but AIBU not to invite them back?

I think it's just as bad as saying my house is a shit hole!

I think op uou should consider if the people that that think this is rude and are slagging these women off and urging you to end the friendships maybe don't actually have close friends in real life.

Then maybe consider why.

YANBU. Them saying 'I would rather spend time with my kids than clean the house' is an underhand bitchy, snide comment, and is implying they love their kids more than you love yours. I know SOME people wouldn't have cared or taken any notice, (so they say!) but YANBU to be offended by it @lupipie And I agree with the posters saying they are trying to justify the fact that their houses are shitholes.

They were being bitchy, and ignore anyone saying YABU. Remember, this is the parallel universe of mumsnet where people never ever get upset by ANYTHING that anyone says to them, and say you're pathetic if you do!

Oh and don't ask the 'mean girls' to your house again!

You feel shaken because two people said your house was clean? I've heard it all now.

Friends hold a mirror up to ourselves sometimes, it's healthy to laugh along at your own foibles instead of taking them as a dig. You sound very insecure if a throw away comment about your housekeeping has shaken you. Maybe make friends with some people who don't have a sense of humour, you can happily sit and politely compliment eachothers coasters until the end time.

They were probably expecting a response of "Oh, it's not like this usually!" or "You should see the upstairs!" It's like women who look at your strangely when you say thank you to a comment about how nice you look instead of saying "Oh, no Janet you mad cow, I look like a bag of shit."

Some women are just odd that way. I'd guess they felt a bit inferior because you saw their less clean than yours houses first, and were a bit surprised you didn't take their comments as an opportunity to be self-deprecating so needed to build themselves up a bit by making it into a joke.

If you feel like it, compliment them on some random stuff next time you see them, or make it into a joke that you are anal about housework. Or just accept that they are cliquey and insecure and dump them for friends you can relax with.

Using coasters is not odd. But i also wouldnt bat an eyelid if someone didnt use them.

We are all speculating on the 2 friends but we know the OP is an anxious person who may have catastrophised something the 2 women said which might not have been so bad.

Rose coasters are just not something I have ever used or even see very often these days apart from in pubs where you get the brewery ones and you see those less and less. They are a bit fussy imo.

I think op you should consider if the people that that think this is rude and are slagging these women off and urging you to end the friendships maybe don't actually have close friends in real life.

PMSL!

You sound like one of the 2 'mean girls' in the OP! What a spiteful, childish comment.

I think they were envious of your tidy house. They really don't sound very nice if they made you feel uncomfortable in any way.
They sound like the sort of people who point out to thin people that they are 'too thin' or to tall people, 'you're so tall!' tactless as you'd never say to a messy person, 'oh you're house is a real tip!' or to a large person, 'you're too fat', etc.

Spend time with these frenemies if you like but be wary.

@Bluntness100

I think op you should consider if the people that that think this is rude and are slagging these women off and urging you to end the friendships maybe don't actually have close friends in real life.

PMSL!

You sound like one of the 2 'mean girls' in the OP! What a spiteful, childish comment.

Re the conversation they started when the OP when the OP was out of the room - fine - they continued it on her return and excluded her - not fine.

That shows they are rude and ignorant.

Re the conversation they started when the OP was out of the room -

They weren't being mean I don't think OP, don't throw away potential friends over this. You will probably think it funny a few months down the line. Best of luck.

Yanbu , they were being rude and mocking you. If it made you feel uncomfortable then you're not overreacting ..they were ungracious guests.But I think you could maybe take it less seriously next time and have a joke about it ..'well my house is clean ya dirty sloth..wink'

starcrossedseahorse

Cool. Maybe I just like stags!

YABU and really over sensitive.

We've got an old oak chest we use as a coffee table in our sitting room. It's beautiful but impractical and if you don't use coasters, cups and glasses leave pale rings that are hard to remove.

are you being a bit argumentative? i said that they excluded me from the conversation which you've noted! i was in the same room, loading dishwasher getting things ready etc and they were talking amongst themselves.

OP they sound like they were being bitchy and implying you're house is so clean that obviously you don't spend much time with your children, so I totally get why you're upset over this. Honestly though, don't let it get to you, it's their problem and they were clearly trying to make themselves feel better for not being as house proud as you are, but that's not your problem they feel that way.

FWIW my house is always clean, but rarely tidy and is it fuck because I 'prefer to spend time interacting with son whilst he's so young', it's because I'm a lazy bastard that can't be arsed with tidying unless I have to . I have friends though who have spotless homes, everything in its place at all times etc., but I don't feel inferior about my home and I would certainly never make snide comments and belittle their parenting to make me feel better about my own laziness.

@OctaviaOctober

They were probably expecting a response of "Oh, it's not like this usually!" or "You should see the upstairs!" It's like women who look at your strangely when you say thank you to a comment about how nice you look instead of saying "Oh, no Janet you mad cow, I look like a bag of shit."

Why should the OP denigrate herself and put herself down, because of 2 silly, childish bitchy women, who are upset because the OP has put them to shame with her clean house? They sound pathetic.

We too have an oak chest but it is battered and old and used as a bed by one of the dogs half the time! He likes to be the centre of attention. Come to think of it he would eat coasters so that's my excuse and I am sticking to it.

Rose stags rule!

Why should the OP denigrate herself and put herself down, because of 2 silly, childish bitchy women, who are upset because the OP has put them to shame with her clean house? They sound pathetic.

Well yes, I agree with you.

Now I am confused - is flutteryleaves the same person as LupiPie?

Now I am confused - is flutteryleaves the same person as LupiPie?

I wondered that too @starcrossedseahorse

Op, don't lose what could possibly be fantastic friendships and good times ahead over something this petty. You said you normally get on great.

Let it go. If you see this sort of thing again, ok, distance yourself, but ending friendships over something as silly as a couple of comments on them not cleaning their house is ridiculous.

Ignore the posters saying they are bitches and to end it immediately.