To never host for friends again?

[LupiPie]

I met these (until recently, I thought) lovely ladies through DC's swim class.

I've been to one of their houses before for lunch and drinks so I thought I'd invite them both to my house.

We all got on great, as usual, and then the comments started coming. I'm not usually an anxious and conscious person, but I must be because I remember every word and still shudder with embarrassment.

Person 1 "Your house is lovely, so clean!"

Person 2 "I could never keep my house this clean"

Me, can't remember my exact words, but said something like "Thanks ladies, I do love a clean house. It doesn't come naturally though. I'm always doing bits and bobs!"

Person 1 and 2 now look at each other and sort of exclude me from conversation.

Person 1 "I'd just much rather spend the time with my little one! What's the point? I don't think it's good to waste time on cleaning too much"

Person 2 laughs "Me too! I just think they're only small once. I haven't got time to clean. I just hide everything if anyone important is coming!"

They then both burst into laughter

I keep replaying what they've said in my head and I feel awful.

I feel like they felt out of place in my house. And I would never want anyone to feel that way.

I never judge or take much notice of anyone's house state, not really.

My own is very clean and tidy because I'm on the ball and keep it that way. I'm not a magical fairy that clicks her fingers. A tidy home makes me happy but I understand that's not for everyone.

I never miss out on my DC... We are always doing things, always out and about.

I just feel quite shaken by it all.

Ridiculous really, but AIBU not to invite them back?

I think it's just as bad as saying my house is a shit hole!

I definitely prefer a clean, orderly and tidy environment too. Anything else is frankly uncomfortable.

And yes, why the big deal about being near and tidy? It really is not that difficult.🙄

...neat

You made them feel shit about not keeping up to your standards, and they bonded over it. Go figure.
The appropriate, self-deprecating response is something like "oh you should have seen it yesterday!" I realise this is a lie, but unless you are also someone who never volleys away compliments (I'm imagining "what great hair!" "Yes I work hard to keep it so shiny and perfect") then you'd realise almost everyone does this to some extent.

As I keep telling my dd who is having friend problems, 'friends' who make you feel worse about yourself aren't friends! Eye-rolling, passive aggressive remarks, glances between the two of you. Unfortunately some women and girls do bond by being a bit snide about other people and the only way to deal with that is to stay away from them. I'd also only invite one person as well as the dynamic of a three can be problematic. Don't let this put you off reaching out though, just ask them separately if you want to continue the friendship.

You are going to be lonely and stressed if you treat interaction with people like this

I think a few of those are posting here.

Op, really you shoild have laughed along with them, taken the piss. Really you've taken it thr wrong way and your reaction at the time was probably the same, self conscious, wondering if it was a dig. They were laughing at themselves. Possibly self conscious as you've been to one of their houses and maybe they thought your comment was judging it.

Who gives a shit, it's something and nothing, you get on great and have made new friends. Don't let something as daft as this end it.

I hate all the projection on these threads "they're bitches, nasty, twattty, never speak to them again " etc.
I think you sound a bit anxious and have over thought this. You were happy enough with their company until now, give the friendship a chance and don't "look" for snidey comments because almost any remark can be twisted if you're determined to take it negatively.

Maybe you gave off a bit of an air of superiority and they were just trying to make themselves feel less uncomfortable?

The OP’s comment about doing things as they came up was not meant to offend them. 🙄

Oh dear. I have met so many people like this. People who you think are nice, you make an effort, think they're friends, and then you realise they are really quite bitchy and unpleasant.

It's not you, it's them. They feel bad about themselves so put you down to make themselves feel better.

They were ‘off’ and I wouldn’t bother with them anymore. They want to be snide and clicky they can do it elsewhere.

Twats

Enjoy your lovely home and don’t give them another thought 🌷

...but as you’ll have some free time, feel free to come around to see me. We are renovating, everything is covered in dust etc and I could do with someone else who can’t sit still to come and be busy with me 🤣😊.

I think you are overthinking OP. You seem a bit over invested in the clean house thing and are seeing judgement where there is none.

Using coasters is pretty odd in my opinion and I would be just the sort of person to forget to use one and then correct myself which might come across as judgemental to you.

Having friends is more important so try to loosen up a little.

They were bitches. come and clean my house it is a sty

Thing is, with written posts you don't get the atmosphere, tone of voice and body language that you would if you were actually there. So none of us know whether you're overreacting or not, but generally people are pretty good at reading situations and this one obviously made you uncomfortable. Probably a good chance then that you're correct that they were being unkind. They might have another point of view about how you made them feel though. I'd probably try and not take it too much to heart and see how the friendship does/doesn't develop.

I don’t think anybody did anything particularly wrong (I think you clarified the coaster incident as it didn’t bother you she didn’t use it, but the look they gave each other did bother you. If not using the coaster did bother you then this is on you I think!).
I think they felt a bit bad about their houses and were trying to cover it up. People feel a bit awkward in someone’s house for the first time and you open your mouth and things don’t quite come out how you intended. Personally when dc1 was a baby I always wondered how people did it when they had clean houses and what was i doing wrong that I couldn’t keep on top of anything at home. And I would have said something to that effect, but maybe they weren’t comfortable saying they couldn’t do it so turned it into ‘they’re only babies for a little while’.
I’d behave normally next time you see them! You will all have toddlers dropping food everywhere soon (or maybe you won’t and I would be wondering what I’m doing wrong )

Gab Would it be okay to make a comment like "I could never have a house this dirty, I couldn't stand it!"?

But they didn’t say “I couldn’t live in a clean and tidy house, it’s like a show home. I couldn’t stand it!”, which would have been terribly rude. They commented on how lovely and clean and tidy it is.

Stop taking it so personally. It was them feeling bad about their messy houses. I think you could have joined in the coaster joke. My mates are always laughing at themselves and so do I

I think it's just as bad as saying my house is a shit hole!

You don't really think this and on re-reading your first post I think you are def overreacting.

Make like Elsa.

Why is it odd to use coasters? That is an odd thing to say. Lol

"They commented on how lovely and clean and tidy it is."

Did you miss the bit where they talked about what a waste of time cleaning is and how they'd rather spend the time with their children? That's just rude! Why comment at all?

The golden rule of friendships (at any age) is three is a crowd.

It never works, as it always, always, ends up with 2 v 1, even with very close friends.

I don’t let my kids have just two friends over any more after dramas. And I know from bitter experience that a trio of me and mine ends in a row.

They were a bit twatty, but probs felt uncomfortable and a bit judged. It’s just personality clashes and they ganged up a bit to feel better.

Don’t sweat it.

I think they were being bitches. Talking and giggling among themselves and the snide comments about time spent with children.

I'd just regard them as swim class acquaintances from now on, personally.

when i got up to do something or get something else and continued that conversation excluding me for a good 5-10 minutes. i felt like a stranger in my own home.
Sorry I don't understand the problem? You got up to do something and they continued talking? Did you expect them to sit in silence?
@flutteryleaves

when i got up to do something or get something else and continued that conversation excluding me for a good 5-10 minutes. i felt like a stranger in my own home.
Sorry I don't understand the problem? You got up to do something and they continued talking? Did you expect them to sit in silence?

I have those. They are really cool on my ancient wooden blanket box. It is painted roughly in white and is used in lieu of a coffee table.

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