To never host for friends again?

[LupiPie]

I met these (until recently, I thought) lovely ladies through DC's swim class.

I've been to one of their houses before for lunch and drinks so I thought I'd invite them both to my house.

We all got on great, as usual, and then the comments started coming. I'm not usually an anxious and conscious person, but I must be because I remember every word and still shudder with embarrassment.

Person 1 "Your house is lovely, so clean!"

Person 2 "I could never keep my house this clean"

Me, can't remember my exact words, but said something like "Thanks ladies, I do love a clean house. It doesn't come naturally though. I'm always doing bits and bobs!"

Person 1 and 2 now look at each other and sort of exclude me from conversation.

Person 1 "I'd just much rather spend the time with my little one! What's the point? I don't think it's good to waste time on cleaning too much"

Person 2 laughs "Me too! I just think they're only small once. I haven't got time to clean. I just hide everything if anyone important is coming!"

They then both burst into laughter

I keep replaying what they've said in my head and I feel awful.

I feel like they felt out of place in my house. And I would never want anyone to feel that way.

I never judge or take much notice of anyone's house state, not really.

My own is very clean and tidy because I'm on the ball and keep it that way. I'm not a magical fairy that clicks her fingers. A tidy home makes me happy but I understand that's not for everyone.

I never miss out on my DC... We are always doing things, always out and about.

I just feel quite shaken by it all.

Ridiculous really, but AIBU not to invite them back?

I think it's just as bad as saying my house is a shit hole!

Oh, stop going on about the fucking coasters! What does it matter?

And if they picked on the fact that the OP has coasters as a justification
for being bitchy about her, they're looking for offence/shit-stirring. Plus need to get lives. I don't think I could tell you who out of the people whose houses I spend time in has coasters and who doesn't. There are quite a lot more interesting things to think about.

Sounds like they are familiar with each other’s houses and have similar standards of tidiness. Going to someone’s house for the first time can be a real surprise and they were taken aback because you weren’t what they had expected.

They were rude but it may be they felt a bit on edge ( were the dc present and if so were they likely to make a mess?)

If they’ve been great previously I would try to overlook this but as pp has said, they are more friendly and you are the third person. That’s just the reality. If you say anything you are going to perpetuate the idea that you are uptight. Tough and not your fault, just life.

Stick with the odd drink and meet on neutral territory. If it’s ever mentioned just make a lighthearted comment about how it’s a good job we are all different.

NB I am tidy. Can’t help it. I’ve even tried to make the bed while dh is still in it .

They were definitely being snidey. Just don't pay it any mind. If they want to justify having a messy house by implying you don't spend time with your kids then let them. You know different.

It's really not about the clean house, guests laughing at the hostess are rude. I wouldn't go as far as never hosting again, but not those two, at least not together.

I don't get the 'coasters' issue either. Everyone I know - including myself - has coasters to stop surfaces staining.

Why wouldn't you have them?!

Actually that's a fair point on the coasters, they are outside? I've not seen that before.

Is there more to this op? Do you maybe have ocd tendencies and that's why you responsed as you did and have reacted as you did?

I notice you say they put the drink beside rhe coaster not on it, then they corrected it, so they were clearly expected to use them, did you give a pointed look or something?

I'm wondering if you've ocd tendancies and you think they have spotted it and that's why you're embarrassed.

Actually the more I think about it, the odder it seems to comment someone's home is very clean, normally you'd hear your house is lovely or something, but not it's very clean and eye rolling over coasters outside.

Have they picked up on some issues you have?

Ok one sentence that was 'slightly over the line' and they are the bitches from hell?

Either I or you have misread. I never used the words bitches from hell, certainly not something I'd say

I am not buying that lots of you have coasters in your garden
like when we had a drink outside and one of them accidentally put their drink next to the coaster instead of on top
and lots of mothers struggle to just stay “on the ball” and keep on top of housework especially depending on their work situation, numbers and ages of dc, and the usefulness of other adults in the home.
You were judging them as much as they judged you.

Manky cows, who are they to judge?!
YANBU

Defensive slatterns.

You feel shaken? Bit of an over reaction.

Fuck them though, all they’re trying to do is justify being lazy.

Yabu and over sensitive.

I have got comments like this. My house is very clean and tidy with no clutter. I get comments about my house looking like no one lives in it and how they much rather live life disorganised, its more fun and how they spend more time with their DC. Thing is they don't spend any more time than me with their DC. The people who say this to me are very disorganised and live a life of chaos.

I think that the remark you made back to them when they commented on how clean your house was was odd, & suppose it could have been taken as a criticism of the house of theirs that you have been to?

But the interplay with the coasters was very odd imo.

Acting as if that justified whatever it was that they thought about Op & her clean house?

I know someone who always slates any mother of young children that has her shit together enough to apply makeup for the school run.

She always reckons that something has to give, breakfast/teeth cleaned etc for any one woman to find the time to look groomed.

I say that's bollocks.

If wait until I was invited to one of their houses and look around with big eyes whilst saying wow you are right you really don't like cleaning do you?

YABVU, you're clearly a drama llama and way oversensitive/hard work.
"shaken by it?" really? ....grow up

I mean... I'm a clean and tidy person. I spend time keeping my home nice because it makes me happy. But honestly, it IS time I could otherwise be spending with my DD. They weren't lying.

Depends on the patio furniture whether you need coasters outside. One table I do need them. One I don't. But if they're placed on the table I do expect people to take the cue and use them.

You were shaken by it...? That is just a huge overreaction

OP hasn’t addressed the big question - did they take their shoes off??

They were trying to make each other feel better. You only have to look at this thread to see the kind of judgment that is directed at people who are untidy - lazy/disgusting/pig sty/slob/shit tip etc.

FWIW I totally agree with them and prefer a house that's clean and functional but not perfect because it really doesn't matter and the time IS better spent on other things that do matter. But I wouldn't say so to someone who was very clean and tidy and make them feel like I was superior.

Are you always this over sensitive OP?

You made them feel inadequate because they aren't as houseproud, so they had a little justifying their untidiness dig. This is why I keep my friendships with women at a certain distance. Can't be bothered with that type of person. Life's too short.