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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To charge 18 year old dd rent?

327 replies

troodiedoo · 03/08/2018 11:05

Dd has just finished college. Not going to uni this year but maybe next year if she can decide on a course.

She's just got a job in a shop.minimum wage. Wibu to ask her for rent? And if so how much?

OP posts:
SailingDay · 03/08/2018 11:54

I don't think it's fair for her to have to subsidise her younger sibling.

Let her save the little money she's making for university.

Lovemusic33 · 03/08/2018 11:54

I started paying rent at 17 when I started full time work, I paid £30 a week and was earning £160 a week, I still had plenty of money, paid for driving lessons and eventually a car. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask for contribution towards food, electric etc...

ToadOfSadness · 03/08/2018 11:54

I paid a small amount of rent (didn't earn much) when I got my first job. When I left home my Mother gave it all back to me, she had saved it and I had no idea. It was a great help.

Everyoneiswingingit · 03/08/2018 11:55

Yes if working full time. How much is up to you. Perhaps she could buy a food shop .

Floralnomad · 03/08/2018 11:56

We don’t charge our adult ds , he has always saved and does do shopping and is very helpful when needed ( if he’s here) . He is perfectly capable of budgeting and managing money you do not need to charge your dc rent for them to have learnt those skills , I never paid my parents rent / keep and I’ve been fine . My ds being here doesn’t cost me anymore than him not being here except for food . If you need the money obviously then that’s a different scenario and presumably you have bought your dc up with the knowledge that at 18 they pay or leave . What I really disagree with is taking money and saving it for them as frankly that teaches them nothing at all , much better that they learn to save themselves .

Everyoneiswingingit · 03/08/2018 11:56

I started paying at 18 after finishing A levels and didn't go to uni. Started paying £60 pm then was £100 before I move out. That was early 90s and I wasn't earning much-worked in a bank. she didn't save it for me and I didn't expect her to.

bullyingadvice2017 · 03/08/2018 11:58

I'd let her keep first wage. Then she would have to pay 10% and save 10% (that you can see savings book etc) or I'd charge 20%.
Either way I think they need to learn about life fast. Then it's not a shock when they enter the real world.

Bimgy85 · 03/08/2018 11:59

Yes, dd is 19 works full time earns about €380 euro per week and I charge her €80

Bezm · 03/08/2018 12:00

For those of you who say you shouldn't charge her as she's your child, this is the point, she is No Longer a child! So she should not be treated like one.
Allow her her first weeks wages without deductions, them charge her 20% thereafter. What you choose to do with that money is up to you. University is a very expensive time for parents, you'll be forking out maybe a couple of hundred a month to support her, s if you save what she's gives you now, you can use it towards that.

Winterbella · 03/08/2018 12:01

I wouldn't call it rent, we have always called it house keeping because I mean you are still shopping for her and stuff and once they have become and adult its a good life lesson to have to think about how to provide for themselves all be it in a controlled way, but its a powerful message. If you struggling too then just explain this to her, she is not funding a lavish lifestyle for you but she is helping to put food on the table.

Mabelface · 03/08/2018 12:02

I would and do charge my adult children board, because my bills are higher than when I was living on my own. I can't afford to keep them and they have far more disposable income than me. £260 a month each still leaves them with plenty of money.

mavydoes · 03/08/2018 12:06

Paid digs from leaving high school and since I worked in NHS but Bank Nursing staff my wages weren't set so if I couldn't pay digs that month I bought the basics like milk, bread etc and also did the whole chores list to give parents a break and if they needed to pick me up due to early finish or start then I handed them petrol money.

Biggest trap for watching is mobile phones - with new updated phones coming out make it clear a contract is on her head and no funds will be available to bail her out.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 03/08/2018 12:07

My parents didn’t charge me and I full well knew the meaning of money too Greendale. I grew up knowing the mortgage & bills needed paying and that you saved for things you wanted and put away rainy day money. I learnt this by growing up in a house where conversations were had around us. I didn’t need to pay and I didn’t need sitting down and being taught the basics of life.

If you NEED to charge your DC that’s one thing, doing it ‘to teach them how the real world works’ is a cop out. If you want to have more money in your pocket and less money in theirs, then at least be honest with yourself about it.

If I had a child that wasn’t being financially sensible with their money then I’d consider that I had failed them and I would talk to them about what’s they were doing with their money. If for some unfathomable reason they still weren’t being sensible, then I would insist on x amount going into a savings account each week, that we had a joint signature on and no cards, but unless the child had SN I’d still consider I had failed them, it’s a fundamental part of parenting.

PickYerWillyCircus · 03/08/2018 12:07

We just asked ours to buy her own food. (Dinner stuff) as she was in & out at that age & we never knew if she was eating with us or not. We figured she wasn't costing us any extra at home, other than often having a separate meal & the extra running costs of the oven, so felt it fair for all. I like the idea of taking a percentage and saving it though to help them learn to budget & have a bit of help when they do eventually fly the nest.

WhentheDealGoesDown · 03/08/2018 12:10

I agree with AJPTaylor £50 a week, at that age most of it seems to be spending money anyway, she probably has more disposable income than her DM. She is an adult now and should paying her way towards food, washing etc.

YodelOdel · 03/08/2018 12:10

@Annie, but that "child" earning money is an adult and therefore you cannot insist that they have a joint signature account. It is their money to do with what they want.

Even the best parents who teach their children about saving can still have a child who doesn't.

I would charge rent simply to cover the lost benefits of her not continuing her education.

Trinity66 · 03/08/2018 12:13

Yeah I would and I'd put it towards her uni expenses next year (unless you're struggling for money yourself)

WrongKindOfFace · 03/08/2018 12:13

Why wouldn’t an adult want to contribute to the household? Do working people really expect their parents to house and feed them for free?

BlueBug45 · 03/08/2018 12:14

@bookmum08 that isn't an excuse for not learning to drive.

Myself and my many siblings all had to pay for our own driving lessons, while we had some friends' whose parents paid for them.

Most of my nephews and nieces have had lessons paid for them as they have less siblings, but only when they weren't working full-time themselves. If they were working full-time they paid for their own lessons. This gave them all an incentive to pass before they left full-time education.

Nikephorus · 03/08/2018 12:14

@Nikephorus she isn't paying for her younger sibling she is paying her way because she is now a working adult and you don't live free.
She is because OP doesn't go out to work. If OP worked then perhaps, depending on the amount of her wages, it might be appropriate. But as OP doesn't then it's basically saying 'I'm not working so you have to instead because your sibling needs keeping'.

HollowTalk · 03/08/2018 12:15

Have you lost out on anything like Child Benefit as a result of her leaving school? If so I think I'd ask for that amount.

Nikephorus · 03/08/2018 12:15

We're not talking an adult in their 20s earning a decent wage, we're talking an 18 yo on minimum wage who may well be off to university in a year.

Trinity66 · 03/08/2018 12:15

Why wouldn’t an adult want to contribute to the household? Do working people really expect their parents to house and feed them for free?

I think more than anything it's an important life lesson to start teaching you older kids, to be independent and to pay their way in life

BlueBug45 · 03/08/2018 12:16

@WrongKindOfFace unfortunately some young adults who live at home do. They have to have it explained to them by people who aren't their parents e.g. aunts like me, that they are unreasonable.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 03/08/2018 12:20

yodel

Annie, but that "child" earning money is an adult and therefore you cannot insist that they have a joint signature account. It is their money to do with what they want

If they choose to stay at home, then they abide by my rules 🤷🏻‍♀️ Insisting they put some money into savings is no different than insisting that they pay board, except they can see the fund grow.