Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To charge 18 year old dd rent?

327 replies

troodiedoo · 03/08/2018 11:05

Dd has just finished college. Not going to uni this year but maybe next year if she can decide on a course.

She's just got a job in a shop.minimum wage. Wibu to ask her for rent? And if so how much?

OP posts:
BackforGood · 03/08/2018 14:43

I generally answer that of course adult dc should pay some sort of housekeeping.
However, if the purpose of her working for a year is to save the funds for University, then I think she should only contribute a token amount that literally would cover the cost of her food and other things you buy for her, rather than a more realistic amount to contribute towards larger household costs.

MrsJayy · 03/08/2018 14:43

I didn't make a profit from Dc it paid the boost in wifi she wanted for streaming and stuff you know that grown up people use like electric for the million showers a week she took. These threads usually go not to bad untill a pearl clutchers comes on calling parents tight and mean

BarbaraofSevillle · 03/08/2018 14:44

But why is it wrong? Why should a working adult live for free and have lots of disposable income when other adults in the household are struggling to pay the bills that keep the roof over all their heads?

In the OPs case she is a SAHP to a pre school age child, which as we are constantly reminded, is 24/7 in the hardest job in the world? Even if the OP was to work, unless she got a very high paid job she won't be much better off due to loss of benefits and childcare and other costs of working so whether she works or not, needs her working adult DD to contribute.

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 03/08/2018 14:45

I work full time but in a poorly paid job, am divorced, have one DS away at uni, one just about to start a higher ed course living at home and one just starting sixth form. The DS just starting higher ed will get a maintenance loan of £6000 or so. I'll be losing CM, tax credits and child benefit. I cannot afford not to take some of his maintenance loan for board and bills. Surely that's what it's for, to pay for rent, food and entertainment. At £500/month that would be way more disposable income than I have. I'm thinking we split it 50:50, so £250 a month.

Kemer2018 · 03/08/2018 14:46

My mum charged me rent from my first YTS job. I've done well in the financial sense, no debt, savings, isas, shares, house.
My brother and sister did not have to pay rent. Fuck knows why.
They both got into debt etc when they left home many years ago but are financially good now.
I wonder if there's a correlation.

Original poster
troodiedoo · 03/08/2018 14:48

Yy to the million showers! Hmm

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 03/08/2018 14:51

God so did I Yts £42.50 a week and mum got a tenner. I discovered my sister never paid a penny in board she is much younger than me and I always wondered why she stayed at home into her late 20s and bounced back she was living therefree not that I am bitter AT ALL Grin

MrsJayy · 03/08/2018 14:52

Yy to the million showers!

It drove me nuts

possumgoddess · 03/08/2018 14:54

I let my children know that once they left school/college and got jobs I would be expecting them to contribute to the expenses of running a home. We didn't get as far as discussing how much. Both my children decided that they would leave home once they turned 18. They ended up with far less to spend on themselves but they had their independence. There was no row about it, they just chose to be independent at that age. I would have loved them to have stayed with me but I didn't make a fuss about it. They both knew they could come home any time if they needed to. So - although I think absolutely that an adult child (as in left school/college/university and old enough to get a job) should contribute to the expense of running a home, for their own benefit apart from anything else as it gives them experience of how to budget, you need to consider whether you want to run to run the risk of them deciding that they would rather pay expenses to live independently or whether you would rather have them at home (eating you out of house and home!)

Popc0rn · 03/08/2018 14:55

I never paid rent/board/housekeeping, I offered, but was told to save it towards house deposit which I did. Older sibling still lives at home for free though and takes the p**s in my opinion.

I think it's fine to ask her to contribute towards costs if you need her to, sit down and work out monthly costs for everything like...
Food
Gas
Electricity
Water
Council Tax
TV licence
Broadband

Then work out what her "share" is, and show her. That way she learns about what costs what.

Fabricwitch · 03/08/2018 14:56

YANBU but it does depend a bit. If it's only a year and you can afford not to, then I would do that. But if you need the contribution then it seems fair. She should definitely be paying for her own food etc, and maybe decide on a set amount to contribute towards food and rent.

GeezAJammyPeece · 03/08/2018 15:02

Have always told our 2 that home bed and board was covered whilst they were studying.
DD claimed UC after struggling to get a job on graduation.
She paid me £100 of the £250 she received each month ( told her it was towards bed, board, WiFi, mobile etc.)
Unbeknownst to her, it has always just been added to a savings account for her car bills or to put towards any relocation expenses etc if she found a job further afield etc.

Would something similar work for you? If you don't actually need the money, even a token amount saved each payday could be a help if she does go to uni next year.

If you DO need it, then yes, and use it.

As an adult in the household she should contribute something; even if the actual amount is only a few quid

DiegoMadonna · 03/08/2018 15:03

Why should a working adult live for free and have lots of disposable income when other adults in the household are struggling to pay the bills that keep the roof over all their heads?

I don't think anyone has said that. They have said that if the parents are COMFORTABLE financially then it's needless. Obviously if they're struggling to pay the bills then any well-raised child would want to help out anyway.

MistressDeeCee · 03/08/2018 15:04

I have 2 adult DDs at home, finished Uni, working and saving for housing, and I charge them £30 weekly. I won't take anymore as I want them to get a foot on the housing ladder, also they're young..let them go out, holiday etc as well as working and saving. You're young once and it goes quickly.

I have a longterm DP who doesn't live with us, but he's here a few times a week so he buys all the household food etc shopping.

Your post made me think of my neighbour, whose son left home suddenly. Not saying this is/could be your situation btw OP, just that it's a 'Rent' situation too.

Neighbour has a 7 year old, as well as the 20 year old who's left home (different dad). 7 year old's dad doesn't contribute - but he's round there a lot, they have on/off relationship.

Her son told my DD he was fed up of contributing as if he were the man of the house, whilst this guy is chilling with his mum..& mum asks son 'have you done dishes/taken out rubbish/done chores' etc when there's a grown man who should also be contributing. Should be 3 ways. So son has gone off to live with mates.

Anyway..if you need the money OP then no shame in charging rent as long as you're fair

Runrunrudolf · 03/08/2018 15:04

Depends on how much she makes,
DSS can't afford rent on his part time job
But if you do need a contribution work out the hours and pay and how much, make sure she has enough for food and that

Runrunrudolf · 03/08/2018 15:05

Depends on how much she makes,
DSS can't afford rent on his part time job
But if you do need a contribution work out the hours and pay and how much, make sure she has enough for food and that :)

RoboJesus · 03/08/2018 15:07

Yes she should be contributing to the household

abigailsnan · 03/08/2018 15:27

My DD and I have just had the conversation re housekeeping with regard to my DGD and her new apprentership.
She is earning £140.00 per week for this first year and DD looses CM/CB/WTC for her,my DD is in a low paid full time job as she will not be seen not to want to work, we have decided on £40.00 per week and it just about puts the weekly income back on track for my DD.
Luckily my DGD does not have to pay travel costs as her placement is just 10mins from her home,not everyone is that lucky.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 03/08/2018 15:35

What does she come out with each month OP?

Original poster
troodiedoo · 03/08/2018 15:44

Not sure yet, not done a full month.
I'm going to ask her to start from September.

OP posts:
ADastardlyThing · 03/08/2018 15:52

Yanbu at all. Adult, earning, pay rent. Simple as that.

FASH84 · 03/08/2018 15:59

I took a gap year and didn't pay rent at that time although I worked full time, I saved for uni. I paid for my own phone, toiletries, socialising, holiday, clothes etc though. Even after I graduated my parents would only accept about £25 a week and I'm early thirties so it wasn't decades ago. Their point was that they'd prefer me to save to move out than pay them. I bought my first flat at 25 I couldn't have done that if I'd been paying them full rent. I don't think the fact you've chosen to be a SAHP to your younger children should come into it.

Shopkinsdoll · 03/08/2018 16:04

When I left school, years ago now. I always gave my mum and Dad dig money. I didn’t know anyone who didn’t. It was the normal thing to do. If she’s earning roughly 200 per week. Maybe 30/40 quid. She’s got to learn how to finance her money.

FASH84 · 03/08/2018 16:08

*if it was up to my parents we wouldn't have paid anything but DB and I were in a similar situation at a similar time, living back at home and both insisted we contribute something but this was post graduation for me and post professional qualifications for him and we were both working full time. For those saying this doesn't teach financial management, we both owned property by 25 have since scaled up, married, renovated and so on and neither of us have any debt other than our mortgages, and save well, so I disagree.

Ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit · 03/08/2018 16:34

Wow I’m shocked at some of the responses. It’s shameful that some posters would take half of their child’s maintenance grant Shock or charge their children half of their salary in rent. It sounds as if this particular posters daughter will be subsidising the sibling her mother has chosen to have.