Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To charge 18 year old dd rent?

327 replies

troodiedoo · 03/08/2018 11:05

Dd has just finished college. Not going to uni this year but maybe next year if she can decide on a course.

She's just got a job in a shop.minimum wage. Wibu to ask her for rent? And if so how much?

OP posts:
IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 03/08/2018 11:29

I think she should be paying for her keep, especially as you are not earning at the moment. So, she should pay something to cover her food & use of utilities/facilities.

ToothTrauma · 03/08/2018 11:32

If you’re not working then I’m not sure how cool it is to ask her for money, to be honest. The younger child is yours, not hers. She shouldn’t have to fund that choice.

I do however think she should be funding her own lifestyle.

bookmum08 · 03/08/2018 11:32

Minimum wage for an 18 year old is fairly pathetic. She could easily fall into overdrafts and credit card debt very quickly. It would be better to sit her down and go over her budget. Teach her to look at her monthly income. Get her to figure out how much she needs for 'bills' - mobile phone, bus fares, lunch at work, buying toiletries etc. Teach her how to manage that budget. Do it now while she is still at home with you. Don't charge rent unless your household budget really really needs it.
I wish my parents had done that with me.

TheHobbitMum · 03/08/2018 11:32

Our plans are to charge rent when in full. Time education but to put that money into an account for when they leave and need
It. It'll be a savings account they don't know about, could this be an option for you? If you need the rent/board to top up finances then YANBU, bills need to be paid

sprinklesandsauce · 03/08/2018 11:33

Your tax credits will stop now, (assuming you get them), so she should start paying her way. It will still be cheaper than going out and getting a flat and having to pay bills etc.

You are not doing her any favours by letting her have a free life at home, especially if you need the money.

You don't say that you are a single parent, but if you are, then you lose the council tax discount once you have another adult in the house.

When I earned £28 a week on YTS, my parents took £7 a week. They saved it for driving lessons, but the point was that I had to pay my way. Once I got a proper job, they took more.

Original poster
troodiedoo · 03/08/2018 11:35

Thanks all for your input. I'm glad that there is a mixed bag of answers, as I keep changing my mind.
I'll let her have a few wages to herself then we'll have a look at how much would be reasonable.

OP posts:
Original poster
troodiedoo · 03/08/2018 11:36

I'm not a single parent, so don't get tax credits. Will be losing child maintenance and child benefit though.

OP posts:
zsazsajuju · 03/08/2018 11:37

I wouldn’t charge her rent. She is on mw and she’s 18. She’s your daughter. She should of course clean up after herself and help out in the house. Fair enough to ask her to pay for her own phone, clothes, etc. But charging her rent is a bit mean imo.

ShumpaLumpa · 03/08/2018 11:37

How much will she earn? Definitely ask for upto 15%.

AJPTaylor · 03/08/2018 11:37

50 quid a week is a reasonable contribution i reckon.

ApolloandDaphne · 03/08/2018 11:37

I would let her keep her wages but make it clear that she is responsible for her own expenses like toiletries, travel, socialising, phone, clothes etc. That way your money will go further as you won't need to give her any money for these things.

happymummy12345 · 03/08/2018 11:37

My parents wouldn't and neither would I. Not your child it's wrong

mumsastudent · 03/08/2018 11:39

what if you charge her for food only & she pays for her personal expenses - depends how much she is earning?

percheron67 · 03/08/2018 11:40

My parents didn't ever charge me when I was living at home. In retrospect, I would rather they had in order to give me a better perspective on cost of living and money, generally. That said, it might have been a good idea to put it into savings so that I had a start when first being on my own.

DiegoMadonna · 03/08/2018 11:40

No it isn't, it is the principle. If you work, you pay your way.

We live in a world where you pay your way, teach your kids that or you risk permanently infantilising them.

The problem with this idea is that many cultures would NEVER charge their children rent, yet they still grow up normally, manage money just fine, understand responsibility, etc. So clearly it's not a necessary principle.

LoveInTokyo · 03/08/2018 11:42

I wouldn't.

18 year olds have got enough to worry about these days (that their parents didn't have), without having to pay rent to their parents.

BarbaraofSevillle · 03/08/2018 11:46

You should charge her rent and not feel quilty about it just because people with a lot more money than you think you are being mean.

You've lost child benefit, tax credits and the single adult discount on council tax and that income needs compensating for partially, at least.

People might say NMW for an 18 YO isn't much, but it's likely that she will have far more disposable income than you do if she keeps all her wages. So it's only fair that she pays rent and not necessarily a token amount. Even if she gave you a third of her wages after travel costs, and saved a third, it's likely that she'll still have more fun money than you do and than she will when she's got her own house to run, unless she gets a very well paid job.

Ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit · 03/08/2018 11:46

AJPTaylor - £200 per month when she is on minimum wage? I really hope you don’t have children Hmm

I personally do not believe children should be asked for money to live in the family home.

Minimum wage for an 18 year old is fairly pathetic. She could easily fall into overdrafts and credit card debt very quickly. It would be better to sit her down and go over her budget. Teach her to look at her monthly income. Get her to figure out how much she needs for 'bills' - mobile phone, bus fares, lunch at work, buying toiletries etc. Teach her how to manage that budget. Do it now while she is still at home with you. Don't charge rent unless your household budget really really needs it
This is a better approach - minimum wage is shocking at least with the above you’re supporting her with budgeting etc

PatriarchyPersonified · 03/08/2018 11:47

Diego you may be correct, but we don't live in those kind of cultures.

I'm sure we can all think of examples of behaviours that are appropriate in some cultures, but would be completely innaproprate for others.

In our culture, you get ahead by paying your way. The sooner you teach your children that the better.

BlueBug45 · 03/08/2018 11:49

@Nikephorus she isn't paying for her younger sibling she is paying her way because she is now a working adult and you don't live free.

@DiegoMadonna In cultures where people don''t get charged rent for living at home or in relations houses they are expected to help out in other ways. This may mean things like doing more childcare and/or paying for larger things that are needed in the household.

OP it depends on the personality of your child. If you know that your child is not a spendthrift and is helpful around the house in general then don't charge her rent. However if she is a spendthrift and/or unhelpful then charge her rent. Ideally if you can save it for her to give back later. I personally wouldn't give it back to her when she goes to university I would wait until afterwards as she is more likely to move back home after university if you do that.

DiegoMadonna · 03/08/2018 11:49

PatriarchyPersonified

My point was just that it's not necessary.

Plenty of people in the UK don't do it either, and their kids grow up just fine.

bookmum08 · 03/08/2018 11:51

I suppose it depends what you expect her to pay for herself. In particular driving lessons. Most people I knew when I was a teen had driving lessons paid for by parents and would be allowed to drive the family car for practice. I didn't get that and struggled to learn (one hour a week lesson and no practice time). 43 years old and I still can't drive. A skill that really could of changed my life. What would you actually use her rent towards? Do you NEED it?

greendale17 · 03/08/2018 11:51

Truthfully yes I could do with a contribution from her. I'm not working at the moment as I'm a sahm to other pre school age child.

^I think YABU completely.

greendale17 · 03/08/2018 11:53

My parents didn’t charge me and I knew full well the value of money. I won’t charge my DS either.

BlueBug45 · 03/08/2018 11:53

@PatriarchyPersonified actually we do. I guess you don't live in a city or a large British town with different cultures including those from other European countries.