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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To charge 18 year old dd rent?

327 replies

troodiedoo · 03/08/2018 11:05

Dd has just finished college. Not going to uni this year but maybe next year if she can decide on a course.

She's just got a job in a shop.minimum wage. Wibu to ask her for rent? And if so how much?

OP posts:
BoEbrexit · 04/08/2018 21:02

@ivgot

Its not ridiculous. Of course a working 18 year old would have more disposable income than someone who has chosen to have 4 kids on one salary for example. That doesn't mean you get them to pay to subsidise their siblings.

I wouldn't like it if my kid spent all their money, but I'd support them to save for their future.

It's good for parents as well. If you don't give them that opportunity to save - either for uni, or afterwards for a deposit - ironically it massively increases the chances of them relying on you later. People in twenties who haven't managed to buy seem to keep doing stints at parents in between jobs and flats. Would be stressful to have adult child in that position.

BettyBooHoo · 04/08/2018 21:02

Surely one of the great pleasures of being a parent is being able to make life that bit easier and nicer for your child? I can't imagine begrudging the fact my child had more disposable income than me Confused

HighwayDragon1 · 04/08/2018 21:04

So i was charged 1/3 of my wages - this included "essentials" like new shoes, work wear, toiletries, phone contract and food.

It taught me a little about life, though if it were me now I'd do the same but not include phone contracts and new trainers!

Emeryski · 04/08/2018 21:04

Neither me nor anyone else on this thread has said they want to make a profit from their kids.
I've made it quite clear I want a contribution only

But you don't contribute - because you chose to have another child. So you would be expecting her to subsidise your choices.

Why does she have to contribute financially when you don't? She's 18 ffs and she didn't choose to have another child when she clearly couldn't afford one. That's on your head.

Alibaba87 · 04/08/2018 21:07

My parents charged me rent in the year before I went to uni, worked full time, minimum wage. I think I paid about 150 a month, it was fine, I expected it.

EekThreek · 04/08/2018 21:15

When I was 20 I lived at home again during my sandwich year at uni. I was working full time, on a slightly-above-NMW salary.

My parents sat me down at the table and went through the household bills, and we worked out a contribution for me to pay towards it, about £100 I think. On top of that, I had my own car to pay for and run, and I continued to buy all my own toiletries etc as I had done at uni.

On top of that, I was also expected to do 1 food shop per month, and cook once a week (dad cooked at least once too). The food shop was usually basics and staples, bread, milk, eggs, pasta, some sauces, chicken etc. The obvious stuff. And I still took my turn doing the dishwasher, hoover, bleaching the loos, changing my bed etc.

I think that was a fair compromise. I learned early about budgeting, meal planning, contributing to general household upkeep. Basically how to live with others, in the safety of my parents home.

I'd like to think I'll do the same with mine if ever they live with us when they're adults.

WhentheDealGoesDown · 04/08/2018 21:15

Well when they come out of Uni they have to pay rent DS(25) pays about £500-£600, they can't live at home forever. He has got a sizeable amount of savings though so could buy if he wanted

Metoodear · 04/08/2018 21:28

Not sure why it would be ridiculous for a teen to have more disposable income than a parent. If that's the case the parent either doesn't work or has extended themselves beyond their means.

this is the most ignorant statement I have ever read on mumsnet ever my son 18 will start and traineeship in two weeks he will earn 14k a year I earn 16k per rota I get 700 a week as a support worker for adults with special needs he is training to be a aeronautical engineer he will be on 27k once he qualifies in 3 years I will still be on 16k per Rota he will then be on 40 once his is no longer a technician I will still be on 16k per rota
You are a twant

Floralnomad · 04/08/2018 21:38

Those saying they take money to cover the teenagers/ young adults share of the bills have you actually worked out what difference having that person in the house makes to the bills . For us it makes no difference whether our ds is here or not apart from the cost of one or 2 showers per day the internet/ gas / electric is the same or all but . I reckon if I actually worked out what he costs me ( food excluded) it’s about £4/5 per month .

Metoodear · 04/08/2018 21:44

Floralnomad

Well your son much be a shadow

My son leave the light and his computer on 24 hours a day even when he’s not their he will have every light, tv and computer on

He eats like he’s training for a strong man competition

Also he is also know to put a full wash on for one pair of socks

Oh things like deodorant at one point we were going through 3 a week turns out he was using it for air freshenerConfused
He costs me loads

Also broke how many hoovers
Kicked in the from door once in the end we had to get a new one that cost us 1560

Teenagers cost loads

Metoodear · 04/08/2018 21:46

It’s not a person like a well mannered house guest

Having a male teen is pretty much like having another grown adult who cares not about the amount of food or toiletries they use

One example ds ate a whole chicken last week when I went out just him that was ment for 5 people for Sunday dinner Angry

WhentheDealGoesDown · 04/08/2018 21:50

I’m sure our food bill halved when DS left homeGrin

Original poster
troodiedoo · 04/08/2018 21:53

@Emeryski I love being a full time parent and that's not going to change because you are butthurt about it Grin

When dds dad had another baby with his new partner, my child maintenance payments reduced, quite rightly. Circumstances chance, cest la vie.

OP posts:
MrsAidanTurner · 04/08/2018 22:13

Not read whole thread if you need it, tell her, explain to her show her bills, spreadsheet whatever say.. This is our outgoing and this is our incoming.
We do need x off you. If I had to charge 18 year old I would but explain why. Because plenty will be at home and not having to pay. However if you don't need it but want to charge, do it. A token amount.

Original poster
troodiedoo · 04/08/2018 22:23

Thank you Mrs AT. And everyone who has commented without being snidey. Food for thought.

OP posts:
LadyWithLapdog · 04/08/2018 22:51

I can't imagine not working but expecting my young child to work and pay.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 04/08/2018 23:02

Me neither Lady.

Telling a child that they now have to financially contribute whilst not doing the same yourself means a child is supporting the parents choice they not work.

Cantspell2 · 04/08/2018 23:12

My 20 year old son today alone has eaten 2 chicken breasts, 1 frozen bag of rice and a 12 inch pizza. He has drunk a litre of fruit juice and several bottles of water.
He showered this morning and again before going out tonight. He will have produced a full load of washing by the end of the day. The clothes he wore today, his gym kit and towel from when he went to the gym earlier and the clothes he will take off when he gets home.
He has been out for much of the day but all this computer stuff is still on standby as is his tv. He will have charged his phone at some stage today and used othe electrical items.
None of this is free. At the moment I cover the cost as he is only on an apprenticeship wage but by the end of the year he should be in a position to earn a starting salary of around £20k. I don’t want to make a profit on what he will pay into the household and he won’t be contributing to a mortgage as I am lucky to have already paid it off. . I treat him as a fully fundioning adult. He has his own space within the home which I don’t enter without him being there and his permission. He comes and goes as he wants and all I ask is he treats our home and the other people in it with respect. And part of being an adult is financial contribution to his living costs.

Cantspell2 · 04/08/2018 23:19

funny how on this thread being a sahm has no value and so an adult child shouldn’t pay. Maybe her husband shouldn’t pay for anything for her either and only pay his child’s costs as clearly she puts nothing of value into the home.

BoEbrexit · 04/08/2018 23:33

@cant

For the millionth time, a working 20 year old contributing for stuff they actually use is different to paying rent. Bills don't always make much of a difference, it depends as someone said. I mostly brought in and cooked my own food when I was working and staying at home. But I didn't give my parents 200 quid for my room.

I've had these arguments before and people assume if your letting your adult children stay in your house rent-free you continue to treat them like children. Of course not.

The odd issue here is the OP isn't working, and there's nothing wrong with that, but it seems especially strange to ask your 18 year old to pay anything in that context.

Cantspell2 · 04/08/2018 23:51

So we change the ops words of paying rent to paying a contribution to household expenses to cover items she uses ie gas, electric, food and water. Is that now acceptable?
Call it what you will but a working adult should pay something towards living costs.

Jason118 · 04/08/2018 23:59

Of course she should - otherwise they never leaveSmileSmile

BasilFaulty · 05/08/2018 01:29

'butthurt about it' Hmm
There goes the moral high ground, OP.

WhentheDealGoesDown · 05/08/2018 02:47

A lot of posters on here obviously don't rate a SAHM as doing an important job, just being a scrounger....

MistressDeeCee · 05/08/2018 06:32

BoE mine are early 20s. I don't buy their clothes, makeup etc. I don't pay for their holidays and nights out, their fares to work. They buy their own food shopping. They cook. They stick their clothes in washing machine and operate it. They have and are adding to savings, which suits me as I want them to be able to save enough to leave homez I don't want them here at 30. So I can't justify charging them more than £30 weekly

If anyone's adult children aren't self-sufficient in this way when grown then that's a dependent/lack of life skills family dynamic long created by the parents.

People assume if your letting your adult children stay in your house rent-free you continue to treat them like children. Of course not

Exactly.

lot of posters on here obviously don't rate a SAHM as doing an important job, just being a scrounger....

When the deal I see SAHM as being a job in itself. All good tho if that can be afforded but that being the case, as part of a 2 parent family & I guess OP receives Child Benefit for youngest + the H has a salary coming in, the 'Rent' I'd take from adult DC would be the sum of monthly Child Benefit lost upon them reaching 18. Not more than that.