Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To charge 18 year old dd rent?

327 replies

troodiedoo · 03/08/2018 11:05

Dd has just finished college. Not going to uni this year but maybe next year if she can decide on a course.

She's just got a job in a shop.minimum wage. Wibu to ask her for rent? And if so how much?

OP posts:
batshitbetty · 04/08/2018 13:39

Absolutely, you work you pay your way. And anyone who thinks that by not asking their teens for rent, they will use the money for savings instead, is deluded! Every single teen I know will spend every penny

sprinklesandsauce · 04/08/2018 13:52

@BoEbrexit yes I do get what you are saying. It is hard for anyone to make their way in the world on a limited income. The government are making parents responsible until they are 18, but if those parents don't earn much themselves, then something has to give.

My DD will have to go out and start earning money when she is a teenager if she wants the nice things in life like clothes with certain labels or a fancy mobile phone. All my friends DC do Saturday jobs in shops or waitering etc. It is sad, but inevitable where there is not much money.

My friend can't afford £75 trainers for her DS, but when he himself can earn £78 for a few hours work, (generous employer pays a decent rate to all) he can buy his own.

sprinklesandsauce · 04/08/2018 13:53

*18 should be 25

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 04/08/2018 14:50

Generally I think the idea you stop looking after kids at 18 these days is really odd - as soon as the government stops giving you money for them, its time for them to pay you

Sadly it's getting quite common, parents expect the state to cover the costs until 18 then expect the child to take over once they turn 18. God forbid they have to provide as a parent Hmm

I don't want mine to struggle through uni and their start of adulthood so will assist. As long as the degree is a relevant one with a clear career path, not something done for an easy life that won't amount to work. If they choose to work as long as I can see they are saving they won't be expected to contribute. Whilst they have no commitments they should be having fun, learning to budget and getting themselves ready for an independent life.

MrsJayy · 04/08/2018 14:56

So you are putting conditions on your fanancial supportboxsets

DiegoMadonna · 04/08/2018 14:59

And anyone who thinks that by not asking their teens for rent, they will use the money for savings instead, is deluded! Every single teen I know will spend every penny

I guess this depends on your social circle.

I don't know anyone who had to pay rent to their parents. But I also don't know anyone who was living at home and working after finishing A levels or university that wasn't saving most of their earnings. Because they all wanted to move out and start their own lives! Most stayed for 1 to 3 years and then moved in with friends or partners. And they all coped just fine with paying their mortgages or rent and bills.

GandTthankyou · 04/08/2018 15:02

I was brought up in a similar situation to this. I paid into the pot from 16 I was working part time and still in school and I paid £30 a week (it was some time ago.. think non wage was 6.15?) when I got more I paid more. She won’t resent it! You’re supporting her to understand how the world works - my mum sat me down and showed me the bills I was gobsmacked and knew I could help! My mum didn’t do this to make me pay anything - she wanted me to know that how much everything costs etc (she also wanted to point out that the 20 minute showers I was taking were ridiculous!)

sprinklesandsauce · 04/08/2018 15:14

It just shows how different people live in different worlds and have no idea that somebody else's life and circumstances may be completely different to theirs.

Around here it is very common for over 18's to pay rent once they are earning, but then it is generally a low income area as it is very rural.

I don't think those of you saying that you will support your adult children realise how lucky you are to be in a position to do that. It is not an option for everyone.

SmallBlondeMama · 04/08/2018 15:23

I would ask for a small amount and secretly put it into savings for her. Then surprise her by giving it to her when she gets her own place. I would never actually take my child's money and spend it on myself/my own bills (unless they were too old to be living at home anyways 25+).

WaitrosePigeon · 04/08/2018 15:24

I wouldn’t charge my children to live in their own hoise

Curious2468 · 04/08/2018 15:28

I would but I would put it in to a savings account for her. A lot of teens and early 20s find managing money difficult and I think a big part of this is having a large disposable income with no outgoings. I don’t think this does them any favours as it’s an unrealistic representation of adult life.

Fizzysours · 04/08/2018 15:28

We charge 19yo DD 200 a month... she earns 18k. But she will get the money back when she buys her own flat. BUT we are firtunate to be able to afford this and tell her she is lucky. If we were less well off she would be asked to pay and we'd have to use this to pay our bills!! We are being generous, I think, but she is a hard worker and about to start an evening class to get qualifications to move on in her career. Which we are funding...but also she knows she is lucky there too. Everyone has to pay their way in life I think.

Loopylou6 · 04/08/2018 15:28

I think you're right to charge her housekeeping, not too much tho, I generally think 10%.
My ds 19 earns around £300 per week, we ask for £30, I feel no guilt as he has a room full of reptiles and that really costs in the electric department, plus he has to learn that is right to pay your way.

BoEbrexit · 04/08/2018 17:08

@sprinkles

We're not talking about giving kids money and buying them expensive stuff, just letting them stay in their home without paying rent. If I was really on the breadline and struggling, they could buy food/ contribute to bills. But I wouldn't charge them for a bed/room that's not costing me any more than it always has done. I don't get it.

Ikeepbuyinganimals · 04/08/2018 17:10

When i got an apprenticeship at 18, i was charged £30/week by my mum. Reasonable and have me a good grounding that things wouldn't just be free.

Agustarella · 04/08/2018 17:12

YABU unless you're in severe financial distress. Minimum wage is peanuts and shop work is demoralizing.

BoEbrexit · 04/08/2018 17:21

Also minimum wage for 18 year olds is 5.90

LML83 · 04/08/2018 17:23

I would take a share of bills and a smaller rent as it's a room rather than a house.

There is no incentive to do better if she can live at home and have a decent disposable income on a min wage job. I wouldn't want her to enjoy the money which seems good at that age with few outgoings and be put off uni/working for promotion.

Save some of it for her if you can but don't feel bad if not.

My eldest is 8, no doubt when this is reality I will be much softer!

BlueGlasses · 04/08/2018 17:24

My son is doing an accountancy apprenticeship. On minimum wage but still pays us 10% if his salary in rent. We asked him how much he thought he ought to pay when he first started. He very sweetly suggested 30% so was obviously very happy to pay a much more reasonable 10% instead!!

WhentheDealGoesDown · 04/08/2018 17:24

Minimum wage is peanuts and shop work is demoralizing.

Yes it is but lots of people have these jobs and have to keep a family on them, not just hand over a small bit of rent money and then have the rest as disposable income, the person may never progress up the salary ladder, should they just not pay any bills forever and live off their parents.

WhentheDealGoesDown · 04/08/2018 17:28

DS worked in a supermarket at 17 and got paid the adult minimum wage, I think that is true of most supermarkets but not small businesses which would generally pay the lower minimum wage

LouHotel · 04/08/2018 17:33

Was earning £700 a month at 18 on minimum wage on my gap year- my mum took £200 a month. A claim she says I made up even when i found the rent book she made me sign.

It still smarts as that was a large percentage of my income, I also bought the vast majority of my own food/ toiletries.

I guess I wish she had maybe banked that £2,500 to help me out at UNI but it did teach me to budget.

I won't be charging my own kids as much.

BoEbrexit · 04/08/2018 17:39

If you're taking any more than share of bills and food, you're profiting from you kid. It's a really strange attitude.

Also everyone I know who has spent time living at home has saved everything. You need to for uni now, so much isn't covered through loans. (I don't know how much the OP has saved for daughter's uni.)

BettyBooHoo · 04/08/2018 17:39

You can't think very much of your children as nice people if you genuinely think they would totally take advantage and live with you into their 30s, just blowing their income on treats Hmm

I know my DDs wouldn't dream of a using our generosity like that because they are good people with integrity.

I do get that if money is really tight then it's fair to expect your earning, adult child to contribute. But only what it actually costs for them to live with you, and not a penny more. I am shocked at the parents who hope to make a profit out of their child and think these new extra 'spends' can continue to fund the slightly better lifestyle for themselves, now that their various child related benefits have stopped. I think that is a shameful way to think.

BoEbrexit · 04/08/2018 17:42

@when

Lots of people have to deal with lots of shit things, why would you wish that on your kids?!

As long as he's saving, my kid is welcome to stay in my house rent free until he has a deposit for his own place as far as I'm concerned.