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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To charge 18 year old dd rent?

327 replies

troodiedoo · 03/08/2018 11:05

Dd has just finished college. Not going to uni this year but maybe next year if she can decide on a course.

She's just got a job in a shop.minimum wage. Wibu to ask her for rent? And if so how much?

OP posts:
MistressDeeCee · 03/08/2018 23:52

Yes kids need to learn lessons. One of the lessons I learned growing up is that family help each other out, and some things are far more important than money.

True, Carey

I was a single parent. Big hit losing Child Ben, Council Tax discount & child element of Tax Credits. I got up and increased my work hours. I'm not paying my DCs fares to work, or stuff they choose to buy etc. £30 is enough.

If Id had a partner, which I didn't, that'd be more reason not to go above that amount. I want to help them out, and I'm not calculating their wages. My parents charged me housekeeping but didn't go overboard. & I managed to budget at Uni, as did DCs. I lived away while at Uni, as did they.

You start talking to DCs about money and life when they're in their teens and at school, not when you suddenly smell a wage packet.

nonnatushouse · 03/08/2018 23:53

My DB was on minimum wage and he was paying £70 per week to my mum, excluding food. He also had to run a car and pay £260 nursery fees as well as maintenance for his DD. Sounds harsh but he now has a better job, rents a cottage and is excellent with money.

lazyminimoo · 03/08/2018 23:54

My partner lived with his parents for years as an adult an didnt have to pay any rent, he is very good/careful with money some people would say tight lol even though his parents obviously didnt teach him this lesson

I dont think my sons so thick that he needs to pay me money to make him realise he will have to budget and work ect to afford to live on his own , it would help him get there quicker if doesnt have to pay me rent anyway but thats not the goal anyway I dont think I would mind him never moving out lol

MistressDeeCee · 03/08/2018 23:56

£70 weekly + food + car (petrol, car tax MOT repairs etc) + nursery fees + maintenance. How, exactly?! The figures don't add up. I couldn't do that to a mate, much less family but different folks different strokes I guess

DiegoMadonna · 04/08/2018 01:06

I hope my kids don't charge me rent if I have to move in with them when I'm old Confused

Nearlymothertofour · 04/08/2018 01:14

My parents got me to pay rent from being 17 (when I got my first job) but actually put it into a savings account and gave it to me to help towards buying my house. I think this was a brilliant idea as I had no idea that's what they were doing and it meant that I was able to learn how to handle my money from that point much better than my friends who were shocked when leaving their parents and having to pay. It's definitely something I'll be doing with my children in the future

WhentheDealGoesDown · 04/08/2018 05:11

Well I am of an age where most of my friend have DC who are in the 18-30 age group and of the ones that live with parents they all pay rent once they leave education but obviously this isn't MN. We never had this with DS as he went to Uni and then got a job and rents privately but if he had have lived with us he would have paid rent whatever our circumstances as he is an adult.

MistressDeeCee · 04/08/2018 08:41

I hope my kids don't charge me rent if I have to move in with them when I'm old and confused

Good point. Despite talk of oh we'll just go off to a nursing home anyway, in a lot of families adult children do end up stepping in to provide respite, care,
company, accommodation for their parents.

"How dare you set your sights on your parents' money! It's not yours etc".. should you feel a need to access money to improve care or make up any shortfall or improve your life etc.

Alongside the guilt tripping often by outsiders 'youll get old too..you should do this and that for your parents.. you've only 1 mum/dad'..

Its a load of hypocrisy really

BettyBooHoo · 04/08/2018 08:41

It's really not your DD's fault that the government stop child benefit once she turns 18. No doubt, the CB and tax credits were a big help in supporting your DD. But now they have stopped why don't you work in order to support your children.

nonnatushouse · 04/08/2018 09:01

BettyBooHoo the government stop paying CB when they're 18 as they're legally adults. Clue is in the name child benefit.

IVEgotthePOWER · 04/08/2018 09:03

I would

When i first started work at 17 i earnt about £150 a week and paid £30 rent

SugarNyx · 04/08/2018 09:23

I got my own place when I was 16 (care leaver) and I honestly had no idea about the really world. I was never taught about cooking, budgeting or keeping a nice home for myself. By the age of 24 I had 6ccj’s, 7k of debt and no real idea what any of it meant or that it was actually quite serious. I think paying rent with your first job is an important step in growing up and that it actually makes you a good parent if you do so.

Original poster
troodiedoo · 04/08/2018 09:28

@IVEgotthePOWER that's the kind of ratio I have in mind.

OP posts:
redannie118 · 04/08/2018 09:33

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns, and so we've agreed to take this down now.

Original poster
troodiedoo · 04/08/2018 09:36

@BettyBooHoo I don't receive tax credits. Just child maintenance and child benefit.

So even if I was still working I would be losing the same amount of household income. I've been thinking about this and I would still ask her to contribute if I didn't have a baby and was working full time.

OP posts:
stopfuckingshoutingatme · 04/08/2018 09:36

Do you need the money OP
As If you are struggling a minimal amount to
Covers costs is not BU

If you are Ok - then maybe not

missbattenburg · 04/08/2018 09:46

It's clear that some people are either just naturally generous, or they're not.

You could turn that on its head as, at 18, I was happy to pay for my own keep.

Some people are either just naturally responsible for themseleves, or they're not.

sprinklesandsauce · 04/08/2018 11:48

This thread is hilarious. There are so many threads where people post about their children, aged 18 or over, and universally get told that they are adults, to MYOB, let them get on with it, yet here people are saying but they are a child, you must get a job and support her.

CB, CM, CTC all stop when they are 18 and earning. Why? Because they are deemed to be an adult who pays their own way, no longer a child.

and I know several people who now have an aged parent living with them and yes they take money from them to pay for food and utilities. Why wouldn’t they? So many people on here seem to live in an alternate universe where money is no object. Not the case for everyone.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 04/08/2018 12:11

I'd not charge mine to live in their childhood home so I'm with your DH.

In your circumstances I'm not sure what lesson she would be learning as she sees you not working and others picking up the costs so she'd likely feel very resentful she now had to supplement that as well.

I would expect mine to take advantage and save as much as possible whilst living at home.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 04/08/2018 12:13

CB, CM, CTC all stop when they are 18 and earning. Why? Because they are deemed to be an adult who pays their own way, no longer a child

TBF, if the parent was claiming all those benefits then they weren't paying their own way as an adult so that's the role model they grew up with.

SandyY2K · 04/08/2018 12:15

I think you would be Unreasonable.

I have an 18 yo DD and wouldn't charge rent especially on a minimum wage job.

She'll need money for Uni next year.

I'd only charge if I intended to give it back to her when she goes to Uni.

sprinklesandsauce · 04/08/2018 12:44

Boxsets , they are not benefits, CB is paid to all unless there a parent earning over £60k, (it tapers off between £50-£60k), CM is paid by the NRP to pay towards their child’s upkeep and CTC is paid to some low incomes.

I’m sure there are plenty on here who receive CB. I doubt they think of it as a benefit, or refuse to accept it because they should provide for their DC themselves.

BoEbrexit · 04/08/2018 13:16

I never would, unless I was really really desperate, and would then ask for bill contribution.

Agree it sounds a bit like paying for younger siblings which seems odd. Also uni costs and rent are extremely expensive, and are only half covered by loans a lot of the time, she should be able to save for it.

BoEbrexit · 04/08/2018 13:19

@sprinkle

"CB, CM, CTC all stop when they are 18 and earning. Why? Because they are deemed to be an adult who pays their own way, no longer a child.

The thing is the level of support they can get at that age is also extremely limited because there's expectation of family support. Eg, no housing benefit for under 25s anymore. The system is odd.

BoEbrexit · 04/08/2018 13:26

Generally I think the idea you stop looking after kids at 18 these days is really odd - as soon as the government stops giving you money for them, its time for them to pay you?

I'm only having one child because I wouldn't be able to support two through uni. I wanna shelter my child through tough times, not have him learn lessons. Think lots of mumsnet would disagree though.

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