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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To charge 18 year old dd rent?

327 replies

troodiedoo · 03/08/2018 11:05

Dd has just finished college. Not going to uni this year but maybe next year if she can decide on a course.

She's just got a job in a shop.minimum wage. Wibu to ask her for rent? And if so how much?

OP posts:
HellenaHandbasket · 04/08/2018 17:44

She should help cover her costs. That's hardly extortion is it!

Original poster
troodiedoo · 04/08/2018 17:46

Neither me nor anyone else on this thread has said they want to make a profit from their kids.
I've made it quite clear I want a contribution only.

OP posts:
Thadeus · 04/08/2018 17:49

If you are earning money you pay rent...

My 15 year old does. 1 third of earnings in rent, 1 third save and 1 third spend as they want.

BoEbrexit · 04/08/2018 17:51

I said if you're taking any more than their share of food and bills - and some of the sums people on here have talked about are more than that.

I wouldn't ask that my child contributes towards my mortgage payments.

BoEbrexit · 04/08/2018 17:54

I give up, I only come across this attitude on mumsnet and I can't understand it at all.

Merryoldgoat · 04/08/2018 18:04

BoEBrexit

I’m with you. My DH lived with his parents when we met and gave them a nominal £100 a month on the proviso he saved. He had £5k when I met him (at 23) and carried on until it was put towards a deposit on our first place. I suspect my husband’s parents just added the £100 a month he gave them to the savings they had for him and gave it back when we bought our flat (they very kindly gave us our deposit).

I wouldn’t expect my child to cover my mortgage payments. Equally though I wouldn’t pay for their everyday ‘knocking about’ expenses.

Agustarella · 04/08/2018 18:05

As long as he's saving, my kid is welcome to stay in my house rent free until he has a deposit for his own place as far as I'm concerned.

This exactly. I can't afford to gift DS huge house deposits etc, but if he can work and save while living at home I will have helped him out. A savings rate of 90% is perfectly possible even on minimum wage, if you don't need to pay for bed and board. If you're having to pay rent you might well wonder what the point is of working a crap job - at best, the incentive is the stick rather than the carrot.

Cantspell2 · 04/08/2018 18:18

I have adult children at home. My youngest is 20 and won’t finish his apprenticeship until the end of the year so I don’t take anything from him but he does buy food and is responsible for his own phone contract, gym membership and travel. Once he finishes his apprenticeship he will pay a contribution to household expenses.
My other son is older but has special needs. He still works full time but earns a litttle over minimum wage and this is unlikely to change.
He pays a percentage of his wages into the housekeeping pot and also buys some food if he doesn’t fancy eating what I have supplied. Again he is responsible for personal expenditure like phone and personal grooming items.
I know a lot of parents in a similar position to me and everyone of them has their adult children pay something into the house.

BoEbrexit · 04/08/2018 18:25

@Cant

That's completely different. Of course young adults should be responsible for expenses like gym membership and phone contract! And paying into housekeeping pot is fair enough.

But charging 200 quid upwards in actual rent is not ok in my opinion- unless you're totally desperate and facing eviction or something.

SciFiFan2015 · 04/08/2018 18:26

I've paid something to household costs since I started earning from a paper round. Had to pay my share of the landline bill. Once I stared earning more (whilst still at school and then at Uni) I paid a third of everything I earned and at one point I had three different part time jobs. My Dad needed the money, I never grudged it, I didn't get it back and it taught me so much about budgeting.
Involve your daughter in the household budget if you do take some dig money from her as she will learn lots and understand.

Alwayscommuting · 04/08/2018 18:29

Personally neither me or my sister paid rent to my mum BUT we didn't live at home and have full time jobs. I moved out at 17 and my sister moved out while she was at uni. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for a contribution just make sure it's affordable with her other outgoings.

Cantspell2 · 04/08/2018 19:04

What’s the difference between paying into the household pot and paying “rent”? Either way they are making a contribution to their living costs.
I could afford for them to pay nothing but they are adults so imo should pay towards running the home they live in. In the same way they should be responsible for helping keep it clean and a state of good repair.

If you don’t think they should contribute when is the cut off point? What if they are still at home at 25 or 30. Should they still live for free?

BettyBooHoo · 04/08/2018 19:14

Who the fuck takes a third of their 15 year old's Saturday job money as rent Hmm

BoEbrexit · 04/08/2018 19:55

No, there's a difference between paying 20 quid a week for bills and 200 a month for your mortgage. You will need to pay your mortgage whether your child is there or not, but you wouldn't have as expensive bills.

So they are paying for actual stuff they use, rather than you making a profit from your kids due to some bitter principle.

As I said, I'd let DS stay until he had a deposit which probably wouldn't be very long, even on minimum wage. I'd hope he could get that by the time he's 23-24. But my son will always be welcome in my house for as long as he wants or needs. He's my life.

Sometimes I think people in this country don't want their kids to have better than they had. Its so odd.

WaitrosePigeon · 04/08/2018 20:07

Who the fuck takes a third of their 15 year old's Saturday job money as rent

That is grim!

Ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit · 04/08/2018 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BettyBooHoo · 04/08/2018 20:38

I have a 15 year old. I couldn't look myself in the mirror if I took a third of her Saturday job money for rent Sad

IceCreamFace · 04/08/2018 20:42

I think all of this depends on everyone's relative financial situation. I think it would be fairly ridiculous for a teenager to be living in your home and have more disposable income than you do to be honest (assuming you were also working). If you were in a comfortable financial situation I definitely wouldn't actually pocket more than their share of bills if I asked them for more would depend on how sensible they were. Either I'd charge them rent and put it in a savings account for them or if they were sensible enough to save themselves I'd let them put it into their own savings account.

WhentheDealGoesDown · 04/08/2018 20:47

A lot of personal attacks on this thread probably from people who only have younger children anyway so the rent issue does not occur yet

Ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit · 04/08/2018 20:48

Why would it be ridiculous for a teenager to have more disposable income than their parent??

A child shouldn’t have to pay rent/board/housekeeping or whatever you all want to call it just because their parents are over stretched financially or have chosen to be a SAHP.

LadyWithLapdog · 04/08/2018 20:53

"Man hands on misery to man"

ForalltheSaints · 04/08/2018 20:57

Definitely ask her to contribute for food costs, household expenses such as washing.

zsazsajuju · 04/08/2018 20:57

Op I note you haven’t suggested she make a non-financial contribution like childcare or housework. You don’t contribute financially to the household. Why should she? Because you are used to getting money for her?

WhentheDealGoesDown · 04/08/2018 20:59

I can see a lot of these teenagers still at home rent free when they are 25 under the controlling eyes of DP's making sure they are saving hard for a house deposit, instead of living their own lives how they want.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 04/08/2018 20:59

Taking rent money from a fifteen year old child is awful.

Not sure why it would be ridiculous for a teen to have more disposable income than a parent. If that's the case the parent either doesn't work or has extended themselves beyond their means.