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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Party Invites, AIBU to think it’s odd to ask if siblings can come too?

154 replies

IAmADancer · 02/08/2018 20:25

Having a kids birthday party in a few Sundays time and quite a few of the rsvp’s have asked if siblings can come too. Is this a normal thing????? I wasn’t intending on having to cater for extra people! Or am I being really mean.....

OP posts:
kissthealderman · 02/08/2018 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gribbie · 02/08/2018 20:28

If you don’t have childcare for the siblings it means you can’t go to the party.

MrsJonSno · 02/08/2018 20:28

If it’s a softplay party or a party st a farm or swimming or something else that isn’t “exclusive” hire then I think it’s ok to ask if siblings can come if they have no other options and they can be separately paid for by the parents.

IceCreamFace · 02/08/2018 20:29

It's normal in both my DC's class. If it's an event where you obviously have to pay per child the etiquette seems to be for the parent of the invitee to offer to pay for the sibling (and party host usually refuses).
For church hall parties it's just a few extra butties and crisps and an extra party bag. This is only for whole class parties though. I don't think it would be done if only a select few had been invited.

Although it's an extra expense I actually like it, it means the kids know each other's siblings and it's nice to see them helping the little ones and learning from the elder ones.

ThinkingCat · 02/08/2018 20:29

Are the parents staying?

Gribbie · 02/08/2018 20:29

If the party goer is too young to be left that is.

OverTheHedgeSammy · 02/08/2018 20:29

Are the invited children young, do the parents usually stay, and are the siblings mostly younger? Because if you stay at a party, then you have to work out what to do with the younger child. My DS1 was invited to a party, I was expected to stay (party mum insisted on parents staying!!), it was touch and go whether my DH would be back from a trip in time, and I had no idea what to do with DS2 (3 yrs at the time) so asked if I could bring him along. When I was told no, I then told party mum that DS1couldn't go if DH didn't make it back in time.

It happened a lot when my DC were younger, but now they're 8 and 11 it doesn't at all.

KnopeforAmerica · 02/08/2018 20:30

One child's sibling turned up to DD's 5th birthday party without warning but it evened out cos a couple of children just didn't turn up at all (no warning). I would say no if it is likely to cause extra stress for you...

icelollycraving · 02/08/2018 20:30

If I knew someone would need to bring siblings I agreed. There were a few ransoms that I included too. I do extra party bags and food just in case.
You can say you are happy for them to drop off if childcare is an issue. Gets you out nicely.

NonaGrey · 02/08/2018 20:30

It’s fine to tell them no.

It may mean that some guests can’t attend though.

Be aware that attending siblings will probably pop themselves down at the tea table and expect a party bag too.

That’s why it’s fine to say no.

dementedpixie · 02/08/2018 20:32

Depends on the type of party e.g. whether you pay by head or whether you pay for a hall and it doesn't matter how many kids are there. Also depends whether child can be dropped and left. Still pretty cheeky though

museumum · 02/08/2018 20:33

Is it drop off? What age?
I’m inviting to my dds 5th and have said to a couple of mums with more anxious kids who won’t be left that they can bring their younger kids too if they need to. One I know of at least has a dh works Sundays.

Tunnocks34 · 02/08/2018 20:34

I have had to bring my younger son to a couple of my eldest parties.

I’ve asked the parents, offered money etc but it’s always been fine. I couldn’t bring my youngest then my eldest couldn’t attend.

Dadsbigsausages · 02/08/2018 20:37

Ive never had a problem with this if I'm asked in advance so have counted them in numbers for food/party bags. I've only done hired Hall parties though, not one where I pay by the head which would be more difficult.

It's just childcare isn't it, if they are too young to be left and there's no one to take the other kids, what can they do?

covetingthepreciousthings · 02/08/2018 20:37

Any party my eldest DC has been to, there has always been a collection of younger siblings there (generally soft play or church halls).
If it was a pay per head I can see an issue, but I don't think it's majorly cheeky otherwise.
I've asked if I can take younger sibling to parties before, always told it's fine (though to be fair they never eat anything there & I certainly wouldn't expect a party bag)

arethereanyleftatall · 02/08/2018 20:40

Depends.
Is the party for 15 year olds to go sky diving and the siblings are 17? Piss take.
Or is the party at home in a big garden with a bouncy castle, kids are 4 & 2, and you're all friends? Fairly reasonable request.

1moreRep · 02/08/2018 20:41

it's one of those parenting things you don't understand until you experience the other side.

if you have more than one child it's very difficult to go to a party

completely normal in my opinion if the child attending is too young to be left or the venue is far away.

i have ALWAYS invited siblings and done smaller party bags etc

you shouldn't be expected to pay for the child if it's an activity but letting the share the buffet is the right thing to do imho

Namechange128 · 02/08/2018 20:41

It's cheeky, feel free to say no. When I have done big parties (like full class ones) I've often added a note to parents with younger DCs to say they're welcome, as it really is tricky sometimes with younger siblings, and at some types of party it's no hassle or cost to add more and you know you'll have som no-shows anyway. Never older siblings though unless I know and love them, it usually mucks things up. Smaller parties at home, or paid-by-the-child parties I wouldn't
However it's not ok to ask and there are much politer ways to communicate the situation and leave it open for you to extend an invite without putting you in an awkward spot eg unfortunately we will be unable to come(or if a bit older, would it be ok to drop [child invited] as I'll be alone with the DCs).

blueskiesandforests · 02/08/2018 20:41

It's normal if you are explicitly expecting parents to stay (or if the invited kids are so small that it's obvious parents will stay). Often people have several children and no partner/ partner on shifts etc.

Not normal for a drop off party.

1CantPickAName · 02/08/2018 20:43

I think it’s cheeky tbh. I recently had a ‘drop off’ party for my 6yo, 40 kids invited to my home (very lucky to have massive outdoor space) and no one asked if siblings could come. At least 5 parents arrived with siblings and took them away with them for the duration of the party (2 hours)

Littlebluebird123 · 02/08/2018 20:43

Ime it depends.
Are the siblings friends with your other children so they were thinking it would be nice for them all to play together?
Some people are cf.
But any time I've had people wanting to bring siblings then either they've paid (ie at soft play where they can just play so parents can stay) or its been a more 'free flow' party ie low key, garden party/Buffet and they've been my friends who were struggling with wanting to stay with a lo (invited) but not having childcare for the sibling. But like I said, friends, so I knew and had accounted for it.
I've definitely witnessed people just dropping off extra kids when it's a larger party though. Bit awkward when it comes to place settings/party bags etc. But sadly, only for the host/non-invited child rather than the cf parent who did it!

1CantPickAName · 02/08/2018 20:46

...if it’s a party with children who need their parent to stay and there is no alternative for siblings, then yes, I would expect the siblings to stay also

Passthecake30 · 02/08/2018 20:47

I had to take the other sibling to parties a fair amount of time, 18mths difference. Dp worked weekends and I have no alternative childcare. I always asked and said that they wouldn't expect food or a party bag.
Siblings also came to ones I held, and I didn't provide party bags but didn't begrudge them a crisp or two.

cadburyegg · 02/08/2018 20:51

Agree with other posters, it’s about childcare. It’s not “cheeky”, it’s a perfectly reasonable question.

Sheesh some people take things so personally!

Original poster
IAmADancer · 02/08/2018 20:51

It’s at my house in the garden, bouncy castle/softplay/inflatable slide thing. It’s for 3 year olds, first party we’ve hosted. I probably only know two of the mums pretty well, the others i’ve never met.
It’s all a bit of a minefield isn’t it. When mine get invited to a party either me or my DH take them, we never take them together. I have noticed quite a few people seem to be coming as if it’s a family outing?
Maybe I just have to go with it?

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