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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Party Invites, AIBU to think it’s odd to ask if siblings can come too?

154 replies

IAmADancer · 02/08/2018 20:25

Having a kids birthday party in a few Sundays time and quite a few of the rsvp’s have asked if siblings can come too. Is this a normal thing????? I wasn’t intending on having to cater for extra people! Or am I being really mean.....

OP posts:
LBOCS2 · 02/08/2018 21:18

(Oh, and all of that is with the caveat that you a) RSVP and b) ask if it's ok to bring a sibling. Obviously).

LadyDuplo · 02/08/2018 21:18

I've stated on party invites before "no siblings" and I've still had "J would love to come to the party, is it ok for T to come too? No worries if not".

Really grated on me. There is one only child in my ds class. I can't accommodate a whole class party PLUS 29 siblings too.

GunpowderGelatine · 02/08/2018 21:18

In my DD's class this is normal. Many people have partners who work on a weekend and no childcare, so if the siblings don't go no one goes.

It's fine to ask (and bit cheeky Hmm) but it's also fine to refuse. Although TBH refusing siblings to come to your house is a bit mean, it's not like you're paying per head

Amanduh · 02/08/2018 21:18

It’s very common but very cheeky. It’s obvious the sibling isn’t invited ffs the invite is for a specific person. So annoying.

GunpowderGelatine · 02/08/2018 21:21

Surely most people have someone they could ask to look after the other children, if not family then a friend who they could go and play with for a couple of hours?

Ah the old MN trope that everyone has a long list of available people to watch their kids at any given time. No one ever has a child with SN, or diabetes, or separation anxiety where they cant leave a parent. And no one ever moved away from family for a new job so that they have no one nearby on hand to babysit. Those people are a myth! Hmm

EdisonLightBulb · 02/08/2018 21:24

Help me out here. Don't parents drop off and leave these days? I have hosted parties from age 3-4 (nursery) right through to 18th, parents without exception left their children at the party. So siblings were irrelevant.

Are children actually accompanied these days Confused

AJPTaylor · 02/08/2018 21:25

August birthday i would say yes. Get another couple of boxes of cocktail sausages and bobs your uncle.
My middle dd has an early sept bday. I stopped booking her party for end of august.

BakedBeans47 · 02/08/2018 21:25

For 3 year olds and a house party I don’t think it’s cheeky. It’s not an age where people will drop and run. For older kids that you’d normally leave and a party you pay for per child then yes it’s a bit cheeky.

At least they’re asking I booked laser quest for my son’s 7th birthday and one Dad basically just abandoned his older child with his invitee son and fucked off!

m0therofdragons · 02/08/2018 21:27

Surely most people have someone they could ask to look after the other children, if not family then a friend who they could go and play with for a couple of hours?

Nope, at weekends everyone is doing family stuff and dh works shifts. Not too many people queuing to offer free childcare for 1yo twins. It's fairly standard that if you expect parents to stay then siblings will need to come. Mind you, we're a naval town so lots of families with no grandparents on call.

dementedpixie · 02/08/2018 21:27

Parents would stay with 3 year olds. I wouldn't have left mine at that age

BakedBeans47 · 02/08/2018 21:27

When mine were younger and say an invite to soft play party I’d take my other child and just pay them into soft play and sit near but not right next to the party so I’d be around for any issues re my child

I am as lax a parent as they come but I accompanied my kids to parties until they were at school really

Brown76 · 02/08/2018 21:27

How are they supposed to know if they need to book childcare etc if they don't ask? My preschool aged son has just been invited to a party, i have an 18 mo old, so I've asked if I can bring her. If not, I'd either book a babysitter for her or decline the invitation.

m0therofdragons · 02/08/2018 21:28

@EdisonLightBulb dd1's year stopped staying in year 1 but dd2&3 still stay at 7yo!

superking · 02/08/2018 21:29

It depends really, doesn't it. My DS has been invited to parties on weekends when DH is working away, and we have no family or other childcare options locally. So my options have been to either decline the invitation, as I have no one to look after DS2, or to ask if I can bring him along. If it's at soft play I always pay, if at a hall type place then I bring food for him. Luckily he is a bit too young to want to get properly involved.

It's less of a problem now as DS1 is going into Y1 so a lot of parties will be drop and run.

I've hosted a couple of whole class parties and would genuinely rather a child brought their sibling than that they didn't come at all.

It's a bit like excluding children from weddings - completely up to the host to decide who can come, but the natural consequence is that some people you might want to be there are unable to attend due to childcare.

InDubiousBattle · 02/08/2018 21:30

At 3 I would expect parents to want to stay. How many are coming? I think at soft play/farms etc, basically anywhere you have to pay the done thing is to ask if you can bring siblings along if you need to but you pay to for them to get in, any food etc and don't expect a party bag. It's usually so that the invited child can come at all due to child care. We recently had a party at home for our 3 year old. We just invited friends and family with their dc, buffet and cake for kids with various activities in the garden, pizza and beer/wine/soft drinks for the adults. The only chikd we invited whose family we don't really know didn't come and I found out later that it was because her dad had plans and her mum didn't want to bring her other 2 dc, I wish she had asked as it would have been fine!

blueskiesandforests · 02/08/2018 21:31

Please say 56 kids from nursery plus extra close friends is a typo IAmaDancer Shock if it's right you might have over 100 kids turn up, let alone 40!

Muddlingalongalone · 02/08/2018 21:32

I've asked loads of times for church hall type parties over the past couple of years because I'm a single parent & don't have anyone to take the younger sibling. I've also paid entrance to softplay/adventure farm/trampoline park for a younger sibling.
I always make 100% clear that other child isn't joining in - take books, games, food for her and of course ask in advance. This is totally normal in our area.
Fortunately we're getting to drop off age 😀 but I think it will be harder the other way round when I need to take an older sibling once dd2 goes to school.
I genuinely wouldn't be offended if someone said no but obviously we wouldn't be going.

Original poster
IAmADancer · 02/08/2018 21:34

Nope not a typo blueskiesandforest** that’s why I was a bit taken aback by the sibling thing as it just didn’t cross my mind until people started asking.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 02/08/2018 21:34

If I had my time again I'd say on the invitation "Please RSVP before DATE otherwise I'll assume you're not coming. No siblings please!"

causeimunderyourspell · 02/08/2018 21:34

Christ I'm a bit shocked at this thread. Who knew party etiquette was such a big bear of many!! We haven't got to party age yet but I think when we do, we will be politely declining all! Shock

mumsastudent · 02/08/2018 21:37

It usually means you have extra adult to help organise make sure parent is staying too! Ah the days of pass the parcel, musical statues - miss it :)

TechnicalSergeantGarp · 02/08/2018 21:37

I agree that's it's very common, always cheeky and ok to say no. I always appreciated a parent saying they were going to bring a sibling in advance. If I could accommodate them I would, but there are always people that will take the piss.

I had a parent bring two sibling, sat them at the party table so there aren't enough spaces. They complained about the food, took a party bag and complained about those too.

BettyBizzghetti · 02/08/2018 21:38

56 children??!! Have I misread this???

We always did garden parties at home until the DC (all summer b'days) were fed up with them (around age 10) - pass the parcel, musical statues, cake, trampoline, climbing frame etc. Never anything fancy. However, my DC's classes were very small (15 max), so I always specifically said parents and siblings were welcome, as I liked the idea of it being a 'families' event. I provided extra crisps and sandwiches (again, no fancy catering), had extra party bags etc for siblings - as it was at home, it only cost a few pounds more to make up a few more bags of tat. But we knew all the families very, very well, so I knew how many I would be catering for. Nobody would have failed to RSVP. If it had been a huge class, though, I might have thought twice...

KoolAidPickle · 02/08/2018 21:38

Surely most people have someone they could ask to look after the other children, if not family then a friend who they could go and play with for a couple of hours?

On a saturday afternoon in august, here have 3 extra kids....not that easy!

Original poster
IAmADancer · 02/08/2018 21:41

No it’s really 56, I hate the thought of anyone being left and out. Quite a few parents have responded to say it’s their first party invite yet my twins have gone to lots of parties from the class and so I wanted to make sure everyone was included at this age. Obviously it’ll change as they get older but decided to invite them all this time. I know, it’s crazy.

OP posts:
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