Party Invites, AIBU to think it’s odd to ask if siblings can come too?

[IAmADancer]

Having a kids birthday party in a few Sundays time and quite a few of the rsvp’s have asked if siblings can come too. Is this a normal thing????? I wasn’t intending on having to cater for extra people! Or am I being really mean.....

I've also got a nearly-three-year-old (with an August birthday). Six kids are coming to his party, and three of them are bringing siblings under six months old.
Two or three years is a pretty standard age gap - I'd say a fair few of those siblings are going to be babies too young to be easily left. (Two of our guests are breastfed). There's not a lot the mum can do if baby won't take a bottle.
I don't think it's too cheeky for this sort of party. And as pp have said, August birthday, you'll get lots of no's. It probably won't be much of an issue.

Excuse my typos!

Edison I've done drop off expected from 4th birthdays, optional drop off or stay with siblings depending on the kid for 3rds - mine had only just started preschool at 3 and some friends were from toddlers group, and some were still 2 and in nappies.

By 4th only 1 parent stayed with dc1, none for dc2, and 1 for dc3. My dc1 wouldn't stay alone anywhere he couldn't walk home from (except school) til he was 6 though. Everyone locally does drop off and I had to ring parents to apologise and say he couldn't come because he wouldn't be left, and they'd generally say it was ok to stay (no other parents ever stayed after 4). Dc2 had intense, sweaty, red faced, rigid muscled melt down style separation anxiety but it just disappeared once he was 6, not sure why...

For 3rd when some invitees may have only been at nursery or preschool since Easter and depending on the set-up may still be 2 and some (if whole class is invited) still in nappies IAmADancer will need parents to stay unless she's roped in/ hired help! Nobody should be in sole charge of so many 2 and 3 year olds.

For 3 year olds in a back yard? I would say usual for siblings to attend where I am. No way am I paying $25 per hour for a baby sitter to look after the siblings while my 3yo goes to a bloody birthday party!

Bloody hell IAmaDancer that is insane. I hope you have a big garden

How on earth are there 56 children in a class?

It's just plain rude. If you wanted siblings there you'd have invited them in the first place.

Such bare faced cheek.

I invited 10 kids to dc1's 3rd and it was too many - scaled back to a guest per year of age from then on and it was infinitely better for everyone!

Luckily yes I can accommodate the whole thing in the garden although if the weather is bad I’m totally screwed!

Step for a 3 year old party where a parent will have to stay because there are over 50 3 year olds invited?

My DC have always had fairly small parties (10 ish children including them) at home. Once they were at school, I included a line on the invitation that said we didn't have space in our flat for parents or siblings. Any child who really needed their parent there was usually a child I knew fairly well so I just made sure that parent knew they were welcome to stay if that was helpful.

I think if people get wind of it being a big party, where an extra child won't be noticed, parents are being catered for etc., there is a tendency to see it as an opportunity for the whole family to go along.

Does your 2 year 11 month old know all 56 by name IAmADancer?

Inviting 56 kids will ensure some are left out because you can't ensure they're all happy, there are just far too many. Have you hired helpers or roped in friends to help?

Yes lots of family and friends helping blueskiesandforest** plus about 12 have already declined. I am amazed at how many people don’t rsvp. You live and learn though

Should have said I have twins so they both have slightly different friend groups.

What are the siblings ages? Tiny ones or older? I think i would not a 3 year olds time on a bouncy castle pushed aside by several.older siblings.

It's just plain rude. If you wanted siblings there you'd have invited them in the first place. Such bare faced cheek

I don't think it's rude to ask. It would rude to assume or just turn up and ask for a party bag for your other four kids, but not to ask politely.

With younger kids, it often means the difference between being able to attend or not. In real life, away from the hyperbole of MN threads, the conversation usually goes along these lines:

'Can Harry come to the party?'
'Sure, but I'll have Grace with me, is that okay?'
'Yep, no probs' or 'Aw, sorry. I've only limited space' or something else normal.

It's happened to me dozens of times. It's not a biggie. Just have a normal conversation about it. Do it if you can and don't mind, just say no if you can't.

I don't know about odd. It's down right rude
Fancy putting you on the spot like that.
You'll just have to say unfortunately you not prepared to accommodate old Tom Cobly and all.
and if you say yes to one you have to say yes to them all or its not fair..

This is a joke right? You have 56 children coming and presumably all the parents to, that's at least 100 people before the random uninvited siblings are counted - are you hiring portaloos? You realise the maximum number allowed on the bouncy castle is probably about 10?!

Eek, good luck. Twins turning 3, 3 friends each, 8 kids total, you could do drop off if you had your partner and ideally a friend there too.

56 classmates plus other friends invited though...

You'll have to say no siblings in order to force people to decline the invite on childcare grounds. Unless you've paid all the nursery staff to help run it?

More than 25 two and 3 year olds will be tears, vomit, tantrums and destruction agogo unless you have planned and resourced this party very carefully indeed...

I think it's dreadful.

Really cheeky and I wouldn't ever turn up with extra dc in tow. I have never encountered it until a few people in younger dd year. For older if I have been stuck once or twice I have asked to bring younger and once someone asked me if they could bring sibling.. I said yes without hesitation.

We have parents who just turn up with siblings!! Don't ask.. Small house party they are there... One mum had it in a hall, she was in tears in the kitchen because 20 extra kids turned up, older boys running round, knocking the younger down, dominating the party games and winning, it was chaos, not enough food.. Not enough party bags younger invited guests went home with nothing..

How rude can people be!! Ask if your stuck.. Tell your dc not to expect a party bag.. Feed them before the party and ask them ti hold back on food...

The best thing was... The parents who dump siblings on everyone else... When it came to thier dc party they made huge efforts to inform us all no siblings could come.

Very common around here. Dd is 6 and parents still stay at parties. Siblings are often invited or welcomed unless it's a small do. We've only taken dd2 (4) if necessary - it annoys me a bit when people do this just to give their partner a break from looking after the other dc. I only ask to take the other one if one of us has work or a long standing plan.

I think it's very cheeky to ask too and wouldn't do it. It puts the host in the position of having to accept as the person has put them on the spot or say no and be dreamed mean, unaccomodating etc.

It's like getting a wedding invite and requesting extra places.

*Help me out here. Don't parents drop off and leave these days? I have hosted parties from age 3-4 (nursery) right through to 18th, parents without exception left their children at the party. So siblings were irrelevant.

Are children actually accompanied these days*

@EdisonLightBulb my eldest DC is 6 & all parties far the parents have all seemed to stay.

I would accommodate younger siblings but older siblings I would try to avoid, or rather siblings between 4 and 8 because they will definitely want to join in, don't always understand that they can't win everything and will expect a party bag. They may also try to dominate the bouncy castle. That's not to say that all 4-8 year olds would - mine wouldn't dare because they would get the death stare! You only need one or two running wild with the parents standing by chatting and drinking and saying how spirited their dc are. It does also depend on how many are coming if you only have 10 coming then a couple of siblings might perk it up a bit but if you have 45 coming and 15 siblings that isn't going to be so fun. From age 5 we just dropped, or sooner with our youngest, we would ask the host whether x or y were coming and ask their parents to keep an eye on ds this party because I was working and offer to take x to the next party. There are options.

3yo bouncy castle I'd definitely say no.
Because if you get a couple of boisterous older ones the bouncy castle can very quickly become unsafe for younger ones.

I'd say either no or, well they can stay but we won't be doing anything for them and I'll have to ask them to stay off the bouncy castle as we've been told not to mix ages on it.
And name the party bags so they don't just grab them at the end.

The only times I've asked is when it's been soft play, at a time when I didn't drive and it was such a distance (walking or public transport) and without anything else nearby where I could go and hand out with younger ones.
And then I ask along the lines of "have you hired exclusive use, or is it okay if I pay for dc2/3 to play at the same time. And make it clear that I am paying and that I do not expect them to be fed/party bags etc.

Parents have always bought siblings to my kid’s parties, they don’t ask. It’s just a normal thing everyone does. There’s always siblings at every party I’ve ever been too. I can’t see why this would ever be a problem for whole class parties in a hall or garden. It doesn’t cost any extra. The etiquette here is that in soft play or other pay per child parties the parent pays for the siblings.

My kid is in reception so parents have stayed at all his parties so far. I would think it was cheeky, only if the parent isn’t staying.