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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Party Invites, AIBU to think it’s odd to ask if siblings can come too?

154 replies

IAmADancer · 02/08/2018 20:25

Having a kids birthday party in a few Sundays time and quite a few of the rsvp’s have asked if siblings can come too. Is this a normal thing????? I wasn’t intending on having to cater for extra people! Or am I being really mean.....

OP posts:
Ilovemypantry · 02/08/2018 22:23

I definitely don’t think you’re being mean not to have an open invitation to siblings of the child attending the party.
If all parents wanted the siblings to attend this could double or treble the number of children at the party.
I personally think the parents who are asking ABU.

PeakPants · 02/08/2018 22:29

Um, 56 3-year olds? Why? They're 3 for goodness sake. They will have few memories of this and inviting that many people will probably just be horribly stressful for you, parents and the kids. At age 3 the kids won't have a clue about being 'left out'. Inviting up to 10 friends- fine. This- insanity.

IceCreamFace · 02/08/2018 22:30

I think it's cheeky. I remember one of my friends having a party for her 6 year old - lots left their younger ones behind at the party (without asking) and went to the pub while my friend had to basically babysit their children.

WTF?! Asking to bring a sibling (because you're going to be staying) is standard, bringing a sibling when you're not staying is bloody rude let alone a younger one!

PeakPants · 02/08/2018 22:32

Actually, is this BeanieBabies? I mean there's no brand-dropping as yet, which is unusual, but the 56 kids plus parents thing is sending my radar pinging.

rainbowsandsmiles · 02/08/2018 22:36

Not read the replies. They can come, but parents should be expected to pay for extras.

Isleepinahedgefund · 02/08/2018 22:40

Definitely depends on the type of party.

Last year my DD had a huge party church hall party when she turned 5, all rabbits friends and relations and the whole class (and half the rest of the school it felt like!) came, parents all stayed because they want to see the entertainment I booked which was truly fabulous and a bit unusual, some had asked to bring siblings because of childcare issues and and said they’d keep them away from the other kids but I said just let them join in, seems so mean to have them kept away when there’s so much fun being had, I’d overbought on the party bags and food anyway just in case (as I’ve seen the random sibling dropping off at other big parties...) so every child got birthday tea and a bit of tat to take home regardless. People are still talking about that party, it was awesome..... I didn’t cater for the adults though aside from tea/coffee make it yourself -kids were old enough to be dropped off, parents stayed out of choice. I would have been happy for the siblings of suitable age to have stayed without parents anyway, but not pre school age kids.

This year for her 6th it was invite a few friends and it was something I paid quite a lot per head for, if anyone had asked to bring siblings I would have refused even if they had offered to pay - parents didn’t need to stay and it wasn’t the kind of activity you could really have mixed ages at anyway.

If you don’t want the siblings there and it’s inconvenient for the arrangements just say no, even if it means the invited child can’t come.

MrsDeanWinchester75 · 02/08/2018 22:43

I've always welcomed siblings because my youngest has been welcomed at her older sisters friends parties.

It's a small village school with a class of 20 though and all the parents are friends too so it's a social get together for the kids and adults.

In your case though I'd say no purely because if the siblings are older it'll be chaos on a bouncy castle, you should check the t&c's of the hire company too because there's sure to be a limit on the amount of kids and ages that can use it.

When we hired one we had to say how many children were attending and the average age of them.

Original poster
IAmADancer · 02/08/2018 22:46

@PeakPants I have no idea what beany babies are sorry. To all the people saying is this a joke, no it’s not. I live in the countryside and so we have enough space to host in the garden. I know it’s a lot of kids but as I said I hate the thought of kids being left out. I also thought that as it’s August quite a few would decline due to holidays etc. I had no idea that siblings coming was a thing so I didn’t even factor it in, more fool me. I also didn’t realise that both parents tend to come, when my twins go to a party either me or my DH go we never take them together. I think i’ll Just have to see how many more responses we get and make a decision. I don’t want to be rude to anyone but I just hadn’t realised it was a th8ng and so didn’tnestimate such large numbers. More fool me maybe for trying to be nice.

OP posts:
ASimpleLampoon · 02/08/2018 22:47

My dc's party was in a soft play centre, the invitations had written on them that siblings had to be paid for by the centre. There was one mum I know who had no support and couldn't leave the sib so I invited the sibling as well as I know she would have paid otherwise. Two siblings of a friend s child replaced invitees who couldn't come, quite a few others came, and were paid for. It was a public place so I couldn't have objected anyway. There was loads of party food left over, this was offered to sibs, parents, other random people at the play centre, even after this food was left over, as other parties being held at the centre also had left over food which was also being offered round! I have been in the position of not being able to take my kids to parties because of no child care for the other one, I wouldn't ask unless it was in a public place not exclusive as in the case of my dc's party. Often, though, both of mine have been invited in the first place.

PeakPants · 02/08/2018 22:51

I know it’s a lot of kids but as I said I hate the thought of kids being left out.

They're 3 though. How would they even know they were being left out? I doubt your dc is friends with all 56 kids at nursery. Have you got staff in to help at this party? Because otherwise it's likely to be total and utter carnage.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 02/08/2018 22:55

I've read the first 100 posts and OP, my best advice is to say "Oh I'm so sorry but the invite is for little X who is in my DD/DS's class only, so no siblings this time. We might try a smaller gathering and siblings can come along to that at a different time" (and never manage to get around to organising such a gathering).

Do not allow siblings. It's completely unmanageable.

user838383 · 02/08/2018 22:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ForgivenessIsDivine · 02/08/2018 22:57

If you have invited 56 children I think you can reasonably say, I have invited all 56 children from nursery so sadly will have to say no to siblings but if we get lots of people declining due to holidays etc, I will let you know.

Original poster
IAmADancer · 02/08/2018 22:58

@PeakPants as I said upthread they are twins and have different friend circles, yes we have friends and family helping and some have already declined. At the end of the day I made a choice to invite them all and I’m fine with it, I didn’t factor in siblings coming too, it was never a thing when I was younger. Also there are so many threads on here by parents whose DC aren’t invited to parties and how upsetting it is. I can accommodate the class and so invited them all.

OP posts:
WidowTwonky · 02/08/2018 23:05

3 yr olds really would not be offended at not being invited to a birthday party’s OP! They wouldn’t have a clue

hibbledibble · 02/08/2018 23:10

Yabu

It's the norm to be asked if siblings can come, not at all cheeky. Most parents don't have an array of childcare to call on in order to attend parties, and it's either bring a sibling or don't come, unless the child is old enough to attend by themselves.

I have often had parents ask me if siblings can come to parties, or just turn up with them. Either way I don't mind. I make up spare party bags just in case. Whenever invites are sent out, a fair few decline or don't reply, so siblings make a welcome boost to numbers. If you want a small party then invite less people!

SD1978 · 02/08/2018 23:11

Yup. It's sadly standard now. The siblings and the parents all need to be catered for. I don't get it, it didn't use to be this way, but now it seems the norm.

Stompythedinosaur · 02/08/2018 23:16

I think for a 3 year old party where parents are expected to stay it is normal to accommodate siblings too. At least, it is where I am. Not sure how else many people would come.

It isn't normal at a party where you drop kids off though. But surely you aren't willing to have that many 3 year olds without parents?

I know this is not what you've asked, but have you thought about how you are going to manage that many children safely on a bouncy castle?

InDubiousBattle · 02/08/2018 23:17

If you've invited 56 then maybe 40 will come. Plan for at least 40 parents to come with them plus a handful of siblings.

Original poster
IAmADancer · 02/08/2018 23:25

@Stompythedinosaur we have a bouncy castle, large inflatable jungle slide and an outdoor soft play area, hopefully that will be enough. We’ll have adults stationed at the bouncy castle etc to make sure it’s safe.

OP posts:
Bigpizzalover · 02/08/2018 23:35

This year DC is having a party at a softplay centre, siblings can come but they have to be paid for by the parent and they aren’t included in the party food (food provided in the package for the amount of kids invited - paid per head)

Last year I rented a room and got a bouncy castle/games such as giant noughts and crosses etc and did the food myself so siblings were welcome I just did extra food which was cheap enough - the only thing the siblings didn’t get were the party bags, they were only for the invited children.

Most supermarkets do party platters, cheap pizzas, cheap cocktail sausages etc, make only slightly more than you anticipate you’ll need for the kids and have some back up pizzas for if the siblings get peckish... I just made sure invited kids got the first helping at food time.

InDubiousBattle · 02/08/2018 23:35

Not wanting get to piss on your bonfire op but I would seriously re think the bouncy castle. Unless it's one of those little ones that only 3/4 kids can use then it's really hard for 3 year old to use them safely. They accidentally headbut each other.
We did sand pit, one of those tent tunnel things, mega blocks and lots of bubbles. I know I'm going to sound like the kind of parent mn hates but there's no way I'd leave my 3 year old at a party with that many other dc and a bouncy castle. No matter how many well meaning family there were about.

m0therofdragons · 02/08/2018 23:44

Not wanting get to piss on your bonfire op but I would seriously re think the bouncy castle. Unless it's one of those little ones that only 3/4 kids can use then it's really hard for 3 year old to use them safely.

This has to be one of the most hilarious posts I've ever seen on mn. Bouncy castles have been a feature at many parties and school fairs and yes dc get the odd bump/bruise but they also get that from running in a park. Maybe op could wrap them in cotton wool as they enter the garden GrinGrinGrin

InDubiousBattle · 03/08/2018 00:01

Of course for school fairs with older children. The op's child is turning 3 and there will be potentially 50+ 3 year olds there. Parents will want to stay. I'm really not being ridiculous here.

m0therofdragons · 03/08/2018 21:48

@InDubiousBattle our school fair has 2 bouncy castles - reception and pre schoolers in one and all others in the other. In my 6 years of school fairs (at a school of more than 420 dc) we've never had a notable bouncy castle injury. They also don't feature on the A&E stats I have received over the last 4 years. Trampolines however are not suitable for under 6 imo!