Party Invites, AIBU to think it’s odd to ask if siblings can come too?

[IAmADancer]

Having a kids birthday party in a few Sundays time and quite a few of the rsvp’s have asked if siblings can come too. Is this a normal thing????? I wasn’t intending on having to cater for extra people! Or am I being really mean.....

@InDubiousBattle I haven’t said parents couldn’t stay I expected they would. I don’t entirely understand why both parents need to come and watch their child run riot for two hours in someone else’s garden but there seems to be a lot I’m unaware of when it comes to children’s parties. It’s as if I’m learning a whole set of rules I was totally unaware of. I’m sure you used to just go to a part with one parent and not ask to bring your siblings, eat some sausage roles, play pass the parcel and then go home. Oh how times have changed....

Mine are only 3 and 4 and I'm already sensing minefields. My sibling is 10 years old than me so would most likely have been sent with me instead of one of my parents so they could get on with something useful!

m0ther it must have just been my sisters kids then, they couldn't look at a bouncy castle without one of the three ending up with a burst nose or split lip!

IAmADancer I'm pretty sure I never went to a party on my own with one parent as a child in the 70s. I was either dropped off or the whole family (in practice often my mother and all siblings) were invited.

In the 70s and 80s nobody would have invited 56 three year olds to a party unless they were the rotary club ... Small children had little tea parties with two or three friends. Slightly bigger children were dropped off to play pass the parcel and musical chairs with maximum all the girls/ all the boys from a small class.

The kind of whole class (and yours must be 2 whole classes) party you're having is as new as everything else you're encountering.

@Blueskiesandforests I am a child of the 80’s, I was born late 70’s. That is how I remember parties and my DM always did whole class parties. I never remember any fathers/siblings being there.

In fact I don't think I ever went anywhere non utilitarian (the dentist or something) alone with one parent. People didn't see the need. I was dropped off to friends or if either of my parents were there my siblings invariably were too.

I think it's incredibly cheeky. If the sibling was invited, they would have been invited.

It's quite normal if it's a party in a hall where it's not "per head" like a softplay party. They probably aren't being cheeky, just clarifying so they can work out if the can do it

It's extremely rude not to invite siblings (although perfectly acceptable to most British people oddly but most exacts I know will raise an eyebrow to that) but ever ruder not to ask. I always write siblings welcome on invitations and assume that siblings aren't welcome if not mentioned on invitations.

*that should say even ruder to ask if siblings are invited.

@Racecardriver why is it extremely rude to not invite siblings? I have never met the siblings. What if I had invited 10 children because that’s all I could afford and they all asked to bring siblings? I would have had to cancel the party which would have been incredibly unfair on my children.

IanaDancer you did whole class parties with mums but no siblings in the 70s and 80s?

Dad's only there if families were friends, but siblings never left with dads so mothers could supervise one child being a party guest 1:1.

You lived a different 70s and 80s to me. Different areas I guess, or social groups.

My dad and those of most of my friends were often working long hours and didn't seem to be considered as options for leaving siblings with for anything non emergency.

The 1:1 supervision at someone else's party would have seemed very high maintenance I suspect.

I don't get how 'it doesn't cost any more' for siblings to come at the same time as 'I make up extra party bags'. That costs money! Plus if you're hiring a hall, and all these extra people come, you need to hire a bigger one. More food, more activities. A party costs more if you have more people there.

And no, you don't have to take all your kids. Either one parent takes the child to the party while the other looks after the other children. Or you arrange with another mum that for one party she'll take your child and the next you take hers. Or, shock horror, your child doesn't go to the party. Because seriously, kids go to way too many parties these days anyway.

It's not rude not to invite siblings it's not physically possible or financially viable

Slightly off topic re not getting RSVPs. I accidentally solved this one year when I sent invites without the party location on it because I hadn’t got confirmation yet, but wanted to send invites before the holidays. I didn’t have to worry about the people that didn’t reply as they wouldn’t have been able to just turn up - and I could just text the people who did reply with the venue when i sorted it. It took away SO much of the anxiety!

Although I don't include small babies in that. That's fine, of course.

I suspect some of these people who happily foist siblings on everyone are unaware, perhaps in kitchen like I saw a parent is sobbing because so many turned up.. The younger dc party is ruined...

@Gettingbacktome I am using that next year!

I have 5dc and have had dozens and dozens of parties over the years and have never been asked if siblings can attend. I think it's really cheeky, but I am not in the UK so perhaps it's a British thing.

@Bridgetreilly I agree with the babies thing obviously

MrsAiden it sounds as if people are inviting far too many children.

I've hosted at least 25 parties for my own children. If I want parents to stay and look after their own children in order to give my children a special day, I'm putting them out. My children want their best friends to be there, so I made it possible for those children to attend by catering for siblings, to ensure nobody declined due to having to arrange childcare. It's a ridiculous imposition to expect two adults to plan their day (including changing shifts, for example) or other families to juggle and call in favours in order to facilitate a party I choose to throw.

Once kids are old enough to be left I wrote "drop off at X time, pick up at X time" on the invitation but the couple of parents who needed to stay with kids at older ages I spoke to individually.

3 year olds can't play with every child in their class at their party and most don't even know all their names.

Invite less kids. One per year of age works well. Ideally never invite more than you could look after solo/ with the helpers you've drafted in.

No crying in kitchens that way.

To be honest I think this is a situation that there will never been a general agreement on. Everyone see’s it differently and everyone has grown up differently experiencing etiquette around kids parties in a number of ways. Interesting to hear everyone’s thoughts.

I have a situation whereby I am a single parent and have 2 kids close in age, small ish school and the boys play together and have lots of the same friends/siblings in their classes.

My 8 year old now goes alone but when he needed me to stay I would always have his little brother, if it’s soft play I’d just pay for him to play whilst their and get him lunch and chat to other parents, there are a few who have kids in his class so brought theirs too to play and I would always check this was ok and never expect him to play at the party/join in/get a party bag. Myself and another Mum take turns having each other’s kids for parties and one stays as all four are in the same classes.

I think you should never expect an invite for a sibling, and if other parents have accommodated your child at a party you should reciprocate where possible - it’s a nice mix of kids at my Boys parties and everyone has fun everyone is fed and no worries about childcare etc it’s nice whilst they are young,

Never heard of heard until recently. Posters saying sometimes it means if the parents cannot get childcare possibly the child actually invited may not be able to attend? When mine were small it was never a thing and people sorted childcare somehow, how it was done was not my issue or theirs when it was my turn. I had no family nearby and managed, perhaps it is the sign of people being more entitled these days.

Blue sky what an odd post! Totally circumnavigating the...

Rsvp... We are can't make it option. And the occasional... Would it be possible to have sibling there, but we will feed them and obviously I'll warn them not to expect party bag or even to join in the the games. Especially if sibling is older... And will win all the game the younger ones find harder.

Not.. Oh great it Jim's party.. Family day out. Free feed, everyone get stuck in yay.

When organising my DD's party I didn't mind so much the parents that asked if they could bring siblings or just drop off as it was genuine childcare issues. What wound me up and I found downright rude was those that just turned up and included their other children, demanding they receive the same as the invited children. Erm no. Eff off.