Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Party Invites, AIBU to think it’s odd to ask if siblings can come too?

154 replies

IAmADancer · 02/08/2018 20:25

Having a kids birthday party in a few Sundays time and quite a few of the rsvp’s have asked if siblings can come too. Is this a normal thing????? I wasn’t intending on having to cater for extra people! Or am I being really mean.....

OP posts:
blueskiesandforests · 02/08/2018 20:52

Another side 9f this is I've actually been asked rather desperately to go home and get siblings and neighborhood kids to make up the numbers for one poor little lad with a mid August birthday, as it became obvious only 3 guests had turned up to a fairly fancy farm experience party booked for 15...

Original poster
IAmADancer · 02/08/2018 20:53

Oh no poor thing, yes August birthdays are a bit difficult!

OP posts:
BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 02/08/2018 20:54

I learnt to add no siblings to invites. It's unfair on the birthday child to have a host of extra people they didn't invite tagging on.

I had enough help so parents didn't have to pay and always booked exclusive use of the venues when young to ensure everyone's safety so parents could leave if they wished.

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 02/08/2018 20:59

It's fine to ask
And it's fine to say no - but you have to be consistent

m0therofdragons · 02/08/2018 20:59

3yos I'd expect to have to stay but have 2 other dc and no childcare at weekends. I wouldn't pay for a babysitter so one dc could go to a party so asking host (who presumably knows our family situation) seems a fair question. Everyone asks round here and it's generally seen as normal at that age to invite siblings.

Dd1's first proper party saw her friend (2) turn up with both parents and 2 young teens. That seemed odd to me.

IceCreamFace · 02/08/2018 21:00

IAmADancer I think the thing is while the little ones enjoy going to parties for the parents it's often a bit of a hassle - By the time you've wrapped a pressie, done a card and got ready etc it eats up at least half a day of the weekend. Less time spent all together, and involves hanging around awkwardly chatting to people you may not know that well. I think the parents are just trying to make their lives a little easier - if both kids go then the other parent can relax or get some chores done (if they're not working or otherwise busy) or perhaps they can all go off somewhere afterwards straight from yours.

It is a minefield though - wait till the kids get older and there's a party every other week! The worst is the non RSVPers - why can't you just tell me one way or the other!

Original poster
IAmADancer · 02/08/2018 21:02

Yeah I’m pretty clueless on everyone’s situations purely because I have never spoken face to face with many of them. I do understand that it can be difficult on the childcare front if you have one parent working at the weekend.
I was just wondering if this was fairly normal practice as I was a bit surprised to be honest.

OP posts:
MrsJBaptiste · 02/08/2018 21:03

I never had this with my two when they were younger, seems bloody cheeky to me! Surely most people have someone they could ask to look after the other children, if not family then a friend who they could go and play with for a couple of hours?

Original poster
IAmADancer · 02/08/2018 21:04

IceCreamFace** Don’t get me started on the non RSVPers!!!! How is it that hard to respond thanks or not thanks. It’s the first party and I’m already hating it haha!

OP posts:
Mammalamb · 02/08/2018 21:07

At least they asked! Earlier today at my nieces birthday party several extra children turned up (siblings and other kids being looked after for the day by the parents or invited kids). No notice or anything. dsil would never turn a child away but think she needed to pay for extra meals

2ManyChoices · 02/08/2018 21:07

@IAmADancer I often have to do this as I have three small children, very rarely have childcare for after school parties and definitely not for school holiday ones, I usually take the two that haven't been invited, for instance to a play centre party, pay for them to enter and order food to coincide with party food time. I would NEVER expect a party host to feed the kids that weren't invited!!!

weebarra · 02/08/2018 21:08

It can be a bit difficult. I have three - 10, 7 and 4. I took DD, my youngest, to a party recently, assumed I would leave her, she got very upset and DS2 and I had to stay.
I would always ask - sometimes it just can't be helped. Again, I would always pay our way .

LookAtIt · 02/08/2018 21:08

It's fine to ask
And it's fine to say no - but you have to be consistent

I agree. There is nothing wrong in asking and nothing wrong with saying no. If it’s a three year olds party I’d be wary of letting siblings come. If you get a couple of boisterous older or younger kids it might really effect the dynamics.

starday · 02/08/2018 21:11

As a mum with 3 children- I've only asked twice if I could bring a sibling and paid for them where the soft play wasn't exclusive hire. But I also purposely invited siblings my my child's class party, it's such a help for the parents and i was lucky we had space at the venue and could afford it. Just spent less on food & party bags

Bear2014 · 02/08/2018 21:11

Surely it depends on the age of the kids. My 4 year old can't go to a party unless I can bring her 1 year old brother. At her 4th birthday party We factored in a dozen toddler siblings and just assumed they would be there.

A party for an 8 year old doing an activity, why would you? It seems linked to if parents need to stay or not. You can't be in two places at once.

ForgivenessIsDivine · 02/08/2018 21:12

For 3 years olds... yes, I would cater for adults and siblings up to the age of 5. It's a log watch lovely opportunity to meet local families.

How many have you invited?

middleagedalready · 02/08/2018 21:12

Parties where we are usually say if siblings are invited on the invite. We have twins and party hosters have often let me know other twin was welcome. This is in the US, my experience in the UK was that invites were much more controlled.

Gizlotsmum · 02/08/2018 21:12

I have often asked if I could bring my other child. However they are under explicit instructions that they are not a party guest so stay with me. However most times they get involved. I never let them get food until the host has offered ( and always have something with me for them). But if i didn’t bring them we would have refused the party invite. It is easier now and quite often they both get invited anyway

PorkFlute · 02/08/2018 21:13

It’s cheeky but pretty typical imo.
With mine if they were invited to a soft play party or similar and the whole venue wasn’t booked out then I’d take their sibling but pay them in like the other members of the public and keep them away from the party room. Otherwise I wouldn’t have asked if they could attend. If I didn’t have childcare I would just decline the invitation.

Nsbgsyebebdnd · 02/08/2018 21:14

I was really shocked when I started the party scene with my first child! I wasn’t aware of the non responders and sibling issue! But have since learnt that people often don’t reply and often bring siblings. It led to some awkward situations where I didn’t have enough party bags etc. I personally think it’s rude as hosts factor in numbers and kids parties can get expensive!

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 02/08/2018 21:14

Normally I invite siblings, but this year DS2 wanted a party at home, and I only have room for 2 DC other than our own. Our TV room's tiny.

HollowTalk · 02/08/2018 21:15

I think it's cheeky. I remember one of my friends having a party for her 6 year old - lots left their younger ones behind at the party (without asking) and went to the pub while my friend had to basically babysit their children.

PorkFlute · 02/08/2018 21:16

And of course it’s cheeky because no-one is actually going to say no are they? Or accept you paying for the sibling so you’re effectively show horning your other child/children into the party at the hosts expense!
And I suspect few of the CFs who do this would actually be fine with the host saying no!

Original poster
IAmADancer · 02/08/2018 21:16

We have done a whole class party, 56 kids....... so it’s a for few but I’d say 12-15 have declined and 10 or so have said yes and loads just haven’t responded. Plus we have our close friends and family and about another 10 kids there. So it could all be fine with extra siblings or it could be a disaster if we actually have 40 odd kids. Oh dear god I must be mad!

OP posts:
LBOCS2 · 02/08/2018 21:16

DD1 has just finished reception and has been to a number of classmate parties this year, and it has been completely normal to have a few (mainly younger) siblings running about at the church hall etc as well. Lots of people have partners who work at weekends (NHS shift workers, for example), and if a party is held on a Sunday then there's a 1/2 chance I'd have no one to look after DD2 as DH travels 250 miles with DSS on that day. No one has been fussed about having a couple of extras - and in fact, a number of us were talking about how nice it will be for the siblings when they start school as they will know each other already. Doesn't bother me - it would be different if it was a pay-per-head sort of do but we've not had one of those yet.