To feel sad that DS16 is spending the entire summer holidays in his pyjamas?

[Crazyladee]

Okay so we're post gcses and he has had a stressful few months but now a few weeks into the exams ending, he has turned into a lazy slob. He doesn't get dressed, just stays in his pyjamas and apart from coming downstairs to get food or do the odd job for me such as unload the dishwasher, he doesn't leave his bed. We've suggested various things for him to do but he's not interested in any hobbies or activities other than Netflix or the Xbox.
The other day he went for a sleepover at a mates house but he caught the bus home late evening as he missed his own bed!
I said to DH what are all his mates doing but we have worked out that they are all hanging out via the Xbox together all in their respective bedrooms!
We can't exactly drag him out of the house or his bedroom but I can't help but feel sad as I have fond memories of the summer I broke up from school doing all sorts and also having a part time summer job and made quite a bit of cash.
Please tell me I'm not alone or do I really have a reclusive lazy slob for a son??

DD, nearly 16, is in a series of gigantic t-shirts, nothing else, and 80% in her bedroom. She does a tiny bit of gaming, chats to friends on Facetime, Instagram, Snapchat etc. Occasionally has a friend over or goes to theirs, goes to the cinema, draws, listens to a lot of music.

I have no problem with any of this. I’d much rather she wasn’t out in the park drinking and picking up boys just yet! I hope she’ll get a job after she’s 16 but right now I’m happy gir her to have some relaxed time with no pressures and I believe she will remember that v fondly when she’s older.

I will never understsnd why so many people on here seem to let their kids rule them and the house

This.

I love a slob day - relaxing all day, dc in PJ's, eating a nice meal as a family and watching a couple of films and knowing you don't have to set foot outside...lovely.

But not every day. I don't think it's particularly healthy for anyone of any age to slob around indoors for two whole months.

If he won't make his own plans or do sports or meet ups, give him a strimmer or a tin of fence paint and a brush and kick him out the back garden for a few hours.

It does need a balance. Obviously he can't be allowed to spendthe whole summer like this, it will be terrible for his work ethic, mental health and CV.

He is entitled to some down time though, just as long as there is some structured and productive time as well, earning, learning or volunteering.

A bit counterintuitive, but do his gaming friends live nearby?
Suggest he invites them over. Get some cheap pizza bases & get them to diy pizza. Hopefully he will at least wash and dress.

I’m really surprised at this thread, and tbh a bit depressed too. I really don’t think a 16 year old needs ten weeks to recover from their GCSEs. I’m all in favour of them having some downtime, but to me relaxing does not mean lying around like a sloth... if anything it sets a vicious cycle and ultimately can lead to demotivation and depression. Riding a bike, going on a dog walk, interacting with friends face to face, going on a day trip, reading a book... those are all ways of relaxing and unwinding.

Since breaking up my two have done a weeks’ sport course, been away with us doing lots of outdoorsy stuff, and in between those and since getting home have been to the gym, been out cycling with friends, sailing, and working at a local cafe. Tbh they have also spent a lot of time on social media and watching NetFlix too!

Dd2 is particularly rubbish at getting off her backside but we do have to make her... as other posters said of their own kids, gaming makes mine turn into a sullen, moody and rather unpleasant human being! I admit it isn’t easy to keep them from slipping into their screens but I do think that in the long run it’s important to keep them stimulated as much as possible by encouraging them to be active as it will lead to higher levels of confidence and greater tenacity in the long run.

I do agree with you Ionly and I would be thrilled if my DS enjoyed the things that yours do, but gym, cycling, sailing are about as likely to happen as him landing on the moon. he's too big to drag to these things and even if I could drag him to a gym, i can't make him exercise. Not all kids like outdoors stuff.
I'm taking heart from the fact that as a result of spending way too much of his time doubled over his bass guitar in a stuffy bedroom, that he begins an 11 night run performing in a show in the Edinburgh Festival. He will have to sort out and co-ordinate transport and meet and mingle with other much older musicians so hopefully it will help him with confidence etc. I suppose it's about working with their interests - but when those interests are very "indoors" it is hard to get them outside.

Encourage him to shower, get dressed and leave the house every day (my son walks our dog). This may (hopefully) be the only opportunity he gets to slob a full summer so let him relax a bit

I ask myself, if I had from June to September off and no responsibilities to speak of, what would I do?
The answer is probably laze around, hang out with my friends, read and watch telly.
In fact that is what I did the summer after my GCSE's. I loved it then and I'd love it now. Except now it wouldn't happen because even when I'm on annual leave from work I have household stuff to do, usually a room to decorate, parents to visit, kids to look after, dogs to walk etc etc....Unfortunately you dont get much chance in life to just do nothing for a long period of time. Allow him this one summer if that's what he wants.
Some kids are outdoorsy, some like to be busy-great for them. But to each their own. A couple of months doing what you want, even if that's nothing is a huge luxury and not one that will come around again really.

My DS is spending his time at home but does talk to his friends via the Play station. My DD is out all the time with friends and even she has to say no to that sometimes because she just wants to do the things shes interested in at home.

I've been working so I dont really care what they get up to so long as they are happy and safe with their choices.

I've got some time off now and have done nothing very exciting for a couple of days as I needed to wind down.
I've invited friends over and some teenage boys of my friend he's never met so DS will be forced to communicate with real people tomorrow

dementedma but rehearsing and then playing an instrument at the Edinburgh Festival is amazing, and not at all a waste of time. I agree that not all kids are outdoorsy, I’m just using my dd’s activities as examples. I’d love it if dd2 played her drums more, and if dd1 could develop more interest in creative stuff like art. However it’s not their bag so that’s fine. Hope it goes well for your ds! 🍀

I just think it’s a shame if all kids do is stare at screens all day, and I’m sure ours would if we let them. They haven’t learned to self-regulate yet and while they’re still young and living with us we’d like to at least encourage them to see another side to life.

I'm guessing at 16 he's just finished his GCSE? Let him have a break. It doesn't really matter if it's pjs or not. Only matters if he went out in them anywhere!

Lovebeingamum. I guess I manage his life as I would hate him to have spent his time like others on this thread. He enjoys his jobs and the gym. I’m strict but I think in this day and age you have to be, their whole life’s are played out on their phones and PlayStation otherwise. I have read this thread carefully though and I’m going to let him have a bit more down time if he wants it.

I just think it’s a shame if all kids do is stare at screens all day, and I’m sure ours would if we let them

I’m not sure it matters if there are no overall concerns.

It’s their downtime, let them choose how to spend it!

It is a bit sad that he's wasting the best summer we've had in years indoors in his PJs, but it's completely normal. My DS is doing exactly the same.

Maybe a chat is needed ?
I also agree that people sometimes need a rest and teens are notorious for this

But ask would be consider one hour a day of exercise and fresh air ?

Everyone has to be showered and dressed by 10am

I'm still in bed, only got 6 minutes to get my shit together

everyone has to be showeted and dressed by 10

This depresses me - it’s the ‘has to’ part. Not much freedom. My mum was really strict when I was a kid and even she wasn’t that mean in the holidays.

Cosy - it’s quite normal to get up and have a shower.

10.15, still in bed. Got a cuppa and reading some post. Bliss.

I spent all of yesterday in my Pyjamas (clean after showering!) as did DD. Was bliss! That was post 2 long day shifts for me/48 hours doing activities with the childminder for her. We had a great day slobbing round chatting with each other and avoiding the horrendous heat by staying in the cool house. Not all of us are summer lovers either!

Seems to be a big extrovert/introvert split on this thread.

Extroverts - sun, outdoors, do stuff!
Introverts - need time off all that exhausting social interaction to recharge. Perhaps that is just the case with OP's son.

Leave him be, why is what he's doing a negative thing? He's resting/doing what he wants/doing what his peers are doing after a hard few months.

My DD is the same (swap XBox for Instagram and Snapchat). Thank you for making me feel like a normal parent.

PS Also 16 post GCSEs. We went on holiday a few weeks after the exams and she spent that week, too, lounging in her room in the villa, mainly on her phone. I worried she was bored but she was just very, very tired.

I'm up and out now!

DD (13) still in bed, happy and sleeping. All good.

Have a happy day all, whatever you choose to do and stop worrying so much.

I'm the only one awake in the house right now (1230). DD(16), DS(nearly 13) and DH(post night shifts) all struggled with sleep last night due to the heat. I'm loving the peace and quiet...