to want to be seen as more than just good looking?

[HumpbertEngeldinck]

Typical conversation with my friends: Sarah is really smart, Kate is a great mum, Nina is an extraordinary cook, Emma is absolutely hilarious and Humpbert is gorgeous!

This happens a lot amongst different groups of friends and although it's one of the nicer problems to have, I sometimes feel a bit glum about it.

I'd prefer to be seen by friends as someone who is smart or funny rather than just someone who was lucky enough to have been born with above average levels of beauty. It's not like it's something that I really have much control over, it's just luck of the draw! Plus it's something that over time will fade and is irrelevant in any case.

I mean imagine coming on a thread and telling someone to work on their personality whilst simultaneously demonstrating that you're a nasty piece of work. Ironic!

I wonder, if OP had come on and said that her friends commented that she was ugly/overweight/frumpy would she have had the same level of sniping? I doubt it.

Some people are attractive, some aren’t. I honestly can’t see why someone saying they are evokes such a horrid reaction from people!

I mean imagine coming on a thread and telling someone to work on their personality whilst simultaneously demonstrating that you're a nasty piece of work. Ironic!

Haha bang fucking on OP, guess you’re not as daft as they had you labelled eh

Biggest humblebrag I've read in about 2 days. "I'm pretty. Waah. It's so terrible."

I'm sorry OP but you've come on here whining about how being so damn good looking is so upsetting to you and blah blah whinge whine and you really can't see why some people think that might be a twattish thing to moan about? You seriously need to get some perspective on life

Also you could try putting on a few kilos, getting an unflattering hair cut and wearing frumpy clothes.

Try a different tack:

OP: “all my friends comment on my appearance all the time and it makes me feel shit”

Everyone else: “oh that’s awful, how demoralising, no wonder you’re so upset”

But because OP is attractive she’s fair game to be attacked? Fuck that.

I can’t believe that in my late 30s I’ve actually got sucked into a playground bullying thread. Because make no mistake, that’s what this is. Fucks sake.

And before anyone jumps on me, I’ve already stated I’m bang average, fat and frumpy. So it’s nothing to do with looks for me, although I reckon it is for a fair few posters on here!

Well you have had some less that helpful responses OP but at the same time you didn’t reply to or engage with the more useful responses that you did get.

If this problem stems from a couple of specific people then either:

Tell them how you feel and challenge that behaviour.

Back away from them

Or both of the above.

Re your friend who response “you're gorgeous” when you text about problems. I’d suggest that either she isn’t able or doesn’t want to help with your problems.

Some friends are just good for chatting and nights out. Not all friends are great at the “there, there hun” stuff.

How’s Pascal? Still hunting rabbits?

I would just enjoy* or ignore it op*.
It's nice you have something special about you.
Don't be jealous that your friends have something special about themselves too.
Looks don't always fade, especially if you make an effort with your appearance.
My advice, be thankful and glass half full not half empty.

We obviously have no perception of how good looking the OP is so I don't think these comments can be attributed to jealousy. I'd think the OP was a twat if she replaced gorgeous with any of the following: clever, rich, blessed, as all have positive connotations. And I still can't understand why her friends feel the need to describe each other as anything. I like my friends because the are all great people. I also agree that it is particularly odd for random women at baby groups to be describing the OP as "gorgeous" - I'm sure what the OP looks like is the last thing they'd be worried about.

Oh go on, I’ll bite.... oh well when your looks fade, you will always have your great job and university education to fall back on 👍🏻

Would you consider opening a Centre For Kids Who Can't Read Good, and hopefully people will begin to praise your altruism, not just your looks?

Well as a fellow (fairly) good looking person it certainly makes life easier.

It’s like someone making a thread about how hard it is to be rich. Plus ime people who describe themselves as clever or good looking often have slightly different perceptions.

Good grief women really are their own worst enemy, aren't they?

OP, I completely understand what you are saying. I cannot believe the immature responses you've attracted, nor how much value so many females seem to place on looks alone.

Unfortunately it’s viewed as the most important trait in a woman. Your friends probably think you are also clever, loyal, funny etc I doubt they’d be mates with you just for your looks (probably the opposite). But they have been conditioned by society to think being pretty trumps all your other attributes.
I think the flogging you’re getting on here is because it’s not done thing to say ‘boo hoo I’m pretty’. If you came on and said you were judged solely on your huge wealth or massive intelligence you wouldn’t get much sympathy either.

"I don't want to be judged on, or defined by, my looks."

What's so fucking controversial/whiney/princessy about that?

And she's not saying 'boo hoo I'm pretty'. AFAIK, she is perfectly fine with being good looking. And why the fuck not?

OP, we live unfortunately in a world obsessed with looks, one only had to look at the Kardashian types, Instagram and the obsession with selfies.
Good looking people have advantages, it's a fact of life.
Now to come on here bemoaning the fact that you are always being described as gorgeous, well I can't believe that you were so naive to think you wouldn't get some grief? Not necessarily because people think you are arrogant or vain but just because the whole set up is odd? Even ex models here don't get that kind of conversation on an ongoing basis.
So maybe you do need to assess friendships etc?
As another poster suggested, you have ignored constructive comments and resorted to calling people spiteful, because you think they are jealous.
Just go about your business and forget about it, If you know beauty is largely unimportant and fleeting, don't get het up about it.
Yours, Cindy Crawford

So, surprising no one, this thread has gone a little bit silly.

OP, so it's great that you're very pretty etc, and you're right, that shouldn't be your only defining or noticeable characteristic. It still seems like an odd thing to start a thread over, but then again there are far more odd threads here on a daily basis.

I'm no lady, I'm not pretty. Are you happy with your life in general?

Perhaps your friends are trying to be nice? I would like it if my friends said I was gorgeous.

I don’t think it’s realistic to compare this to how someone might feel about constant negative comments.

But if it’s really troublesome, then emphasise something else when you talk to those friends and they’ll soon say “She’s the one who is obsessed with Jane Austen” or “The one who always wears green” or whatever. Or perhaps they’ll even use your name instead.

I’m also incredibly attractive OP but I’m also incredibly opinionated and not everyone likes all my opinions but I’m vocal about them anyway, so I find that distracts from my beauty ¯\(ツ)/¯

I bet all the snipey women on this thread think, 'ooh, you're so slim!' is the ultimate compliment, too....

I’m a pure dog but the OP does not deserve these replies. It’s horrible being judged on your looks. OP you know you are more than a pretty face - now work on your self esteem, so when you are feeling low you are able to tell yourself about all your good traits, rather than waiting for someone else to. And I expect you’ll be a stunning 40 year old too, so please ignore those horrible ageist comments.