to want to be seen as more than just good looking?

[HumpbertEngeldinck]

Typical conversation with my friends: Sarah is really smart, Kate is a great mum, Nina is an extraordinary cook, Emma is absolutely hilarious and Humpbert is gorgeous!

This happens a lot amongst different groups of friends and although it's one of the nicer problems to have, I sometimes feel a bit glum about it.

I'd prefer to be seen by friends as someone who is smart or funny rather than just someone who was lucky enough to have been born with above average levels of beauty. It's not like it's something that I really have much control over, it's just luck of the draw! Plus it's something that over time will fade and is irrelevant in any case.

Its ok once you hit mid forties you'll be the fat one or the boring one haha

You all sound like a rather superficial bunch to me.

Maybe get some new friends who aren't so focused on judging each other?

Personally I'd find being labelled as a good cook the most offensive of your list of descriptors. Poor Emma.

Just because i am beautiful , dont hate me because I am beautiful

I personally am not envious of people who are extremely good looking, a girl I know who is stunning, has barely any friends, I reckon she is too pretty for a lot of females to be around her, she is a lovely girl in general, but she has such a beautiful face and figure it would take your breath away, same with all the men, think she is stunning but she can't seem to hold a boyfriend, now I think she could be a bit fond of the D but that's here nor there, fact is she is pursued by men constantly , women tend to shrivel if she comes into the local pub and she isn't any happier than a lot of average people I know. So suppose it can swing both ways.

If it helps I have a 10 month old so go to a lot of different groups with her so that's how it tends to come about.

Thinking about it though it is usually the same couple of people that do this.

Perhaps you & your friends could simply stop labelling one another? It's not something that happens within my friendship circles.
I'm also inclined to agree that to some you may be seen as attractive whereas to others you simply wouldn't be as everyone sees beauty in different ways.

Isn’t it funny how people don’t like it when someone says they are above average looking. It’s ok to admit you’re smart or funny but heavens forbid you recognise you may be attractive.

How sad posters are trying to insinuate the op is vain or how dare she recognise her looks. Why do women have to tear each other down? It’s crap.

Anyway op maybe if you’re introduced this way you should pull people up on it?

Well everyone who was mentioned was defined by only one thing, not just you. Maybe the others would like to be called gorgeous once in a while, instead of clever or funny or a great cook. And we all want to be a good Mum, but who wants it to define them?

Devastated.

Honestly, I would take that as a sign that either your friends don't know you well or your other qualities aren't as developed as you think. For instance people I don't know well have always focused on my looks. People who do know me rarely talk about them. Even then they are an after thought. I would say this is true of what I say if others, things like beautiful or stylish are words I use to describe people when I can't think of anything better.

I’m a nice looking woman but I don’t think anybody uses that to describe me before any of my other traits. You know, funny, clever, acid tongued cow etc

Perhaps you need to work on bringing your personality out a bit.

I think I’d rather be the good looking one than the one who’s good st cooking. I guess that poor woman is not smart, not funny and ugly!

Don't worry time will cure that. Maybe it's your best trait.

Eat loads of cake and stop washing. That'll sort it.

OP which celebrity do you most look like?

I need to get an idea of the level of attractiveness we’re talking about here.

So you're funny, intelligent with a good job and are also good looking? 🙄

Women feel really threatened and enraged if an OP describes themselves as good looking or pretty. It seems to be the most heinous thing you can say on here. Some people are very good looking, it’s a fact of life. But if an OP mentions it they get the biscuit treatment. I know lots of attractive people, they don’t necessarily lead charmed lives. The person I know who does have people eating out her hand is very average looking, but she convinces you that she is very attractive by her confidence and bearing.

In defence of OP I have heard people described as the pretty one, the clever one etc. The thing with looks are that they have a shelf life and the OP is pointing out she is more than her looks. And what will her label be when those looks fade?

(BTW I am not going to be posting that I am stunning anytime soon, because it wowuld not be true.)

Sorry I think some of the readers are being harsh, and this is coming from someone who is not beautiful and has spent a life time envying women who are beautiful as they always seem to get a better deal. Also envy those who cannot put on weight. BUT, realise that is all a load of rubbish and born out of the widely held belief that being pretty and thin means you have made it. There must be other good things about you, you need to remember them whatever anyone says, you probably are smart and funny. Maybe you are a good friend, good at interior design, sporty, well organised, anything. Looks are such a massive thing though that I wouldn't be surprised at being described as the gorgeous one. You should like you have got a good group of friends.

Blimey OP!! If only that was my only problem (to be honest though, I'd love it!!! Never been seen as gorgeous! Never will :( !) I would looove this 'problem' !

Think people are giving OP an unfairly harsh/biscuit-laden time. I think many good-looking people (with any sense of depth) understand that looks are fleeting and strive to be known for something else.

Just ignore the friends, OP (or tell them that you like to think there is more to you than your looks!) People can be multi-faceted if they make the effort to be - though I think sometimes very good-looking people don't, which is super short-sighted - and people who pigeon-hole you for your looks should be set straight.

OP said she feels glum at being described as gorgeous, in various settings.
That would obviously provoke some ire on here.

I think why it gets so many posters backs up is because being beautiful statistically means you have better chance at career prospects as both men amd women subconciously hires the more attractive candidate. Statistically beautiful people are more likely to find relationships easier to get into (more choice). People are more drawn to beautiful people (evolutionary thing). So theres not a lot of downsides to being beautiful. Any downside perceived tends to be "people are jealous of my looks." Unattractive people suffer far worse abuse for their looks.

Also the fact all the other friends received shitty one line summaries so why is op maling out hers is worse? Where I am from funny is a discriptor for someone who is funny but not very bright so doesnt have smart as a quality. Theres more to life than being a mother so being refered to as a good mother only is shit and demeaning and also kind of implies the other moms are a bit shitter.

Also im not sure what above average good looks are. Either you are good looking or average or unattractive not sure what above average means in this context.

Oh dear. Don't worry; after forty you will be just ... nothing