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AIBU?

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Original poster

Two boys - AIBU / Paranoid?

247 replies

TreaclePumpkin · 01/08/2018 15:04

Hi all,

I have one son already and another one on the way. Every time I tell people my second child will also be a boy, people seem to be disappointed. And seem to be searching for my disappointment in my voice when I speak.

For the record, as nice as I'm sure as it would have been to have a girl, I truly don't mind I'm having a boy - just want a healthy baby who will hopefully grow up to have a close bond with his brother. And I have no plans to have any more children (don't love the whole pregnancy malarkey, though the end result is great), so no chance of me "trying" again.

But all I seem to get all the time are comments about how hard two boys will be and how I MUST try again, as if I have failed somehow. It's starting to make me feel super defensive about it, to the extent I'd rather lie and say I don't know what I'm having.

That plus the fact people can't get over just how big I look already and how the only explanation is that it must be twins Hmm If another person makes a comment about the size of my bump i'lll... never mind. I digress...

Anyhoo, is this a thing anyone else has experienced? Am I just being over-sensitive? I'm fully prepared to blame it on my hormones.

How do I get people to believe that I really am happy/don't care that my baby is a boy - without sounding like I'm protesting too much?

OP posts:
niketrainersarecomfy · 02/08/2018 19:28

Or the worst one..my friend had a miscarriage at 8 weeks. She has 3 girls. People say 'oh maybe you can't carry boys'
Shut your gob!!

Lizzie48 · 02/08/2018 19:39

My DH and I have 2 adopted DDs (9 and 6), who are birth siblings. I used to get comments like 'Wouldn't your DH like to adopt a little boy to play trains with?' (My DH is a steam train enthusiast.) I've always thought that very sexist, as if girls automatically wouldn't be interested. Our DDs love sharing his hobby, they love going to York Railway Museum.

People always will comment.

PeachyPeachTrees · 02/08/2018 20:13

Lizzie48 my friend is 1 of 3 girls. Their Dad was hoping for a boy and had saved all his boy toys but after 3 girls he got rid of them. Turns out he had 1 girlie girl and 2 tomboys who would have loved the boys toys.
I fell into the trap myself people saying boys don't like dressing up, or drawing or sitting doing crafts. My DS1 didn't and it wasn't until DS2 was at nursery that I found out he loved all that stuff! We have enjoyed doing craft stuff ever since, wish I'd tried it earlier instead of believing all this gender BS.

Teeniemiff · 02/08/2018 21:15

Agree 1 of each seems to be the ideal.
I have 2 girls & although would have been happy with whichever sex, I was happy to have a second girl. I think when you have this little person you love more than anything, the idea of another little one of them sounds perfect. The opposite sex would be lovely too though.

When I say I have 2 girls people don’t tend to ask if I’d try for another (for a boy) they tend to say how hard girls are 🤔🤔

Ifeelsuchafool · 02/08/2018 21:38

I had a girl, then a boy, then another girl. I always wanted at least 3 children. I am one of four and I like slightly larger families. When I was pregnant with DD2 everyone kept asking, "Why are you having a third, you've got one of each?" As though trying for the opposite gender was the only legitimate reason for having more than two children Hmm
For the record I wasn't so very bothered about gender and never asked to be told. All three were a, "surprise" although I was pretty certain no 3 was another girl having carried both before. But I'd have been just as happy with three of the same gender whichever that was. Ignore the comments and look forward to having your two boys growing up together. Congratulations! Grin

emmakc1977 · 02/08/2018 21:54

I have two boys and a girl. I’ve lost count of the number of people who asked if we went for a third to try for a girl. Nope, she was a surprise baby born within 12 months of her brother who was ivf - clearly after years of ttc I didn’t think I needed contraception. Wouldn’t change it for the world, but never intended to have three due to financial reasons!

PurpleArmy · 02/08/2018 22:20

OP, whatever stories you read on here about what's 'best', just ignore - whatever you have, it will be your family and that is what is best for you.

Have a great pregnancy!

Deidre21 · 02/08/2018 22:37

Ignore. I have 2 girls under the age of 10 and I’ve heard girls can be difficult at times from various people. I’ve just ignored as children are all different it’s how you raise them that matters. Some people think they know it all.

SentfromHeaven · 02/08/2018 22:57

'Those that know me need no explanation. Those that don't, don't matter'!!!

Sunshineandwaves · 02/08/2018 23:07

I get it. I had two boys first and I had the same reactions. In fact a lot of people asked if I would "go for a third to try and get a girl".

My boys are best friends. Inseparable. Their relationship is wonderful and I adore them. I wouldn't change what we have for the world. Congratulations op. Wishing you all the best! Smile

goodeyebrows · 02/08/2018 23:14

I have a boy and a girl and people always comment how ‘perfect’ and ‘ideal’ it is. I always bluntly say, ‘I only ever wanted boys actually’ just to shut them up. Just say what you think OP. People are generally stupid but rarely malicious or intentionally trying to make you feel bad.

Passthebubbly · 02/08/2018 23:21

I had my ds after many attempts at ivf and a miscarriage. As I am fairly girly myself everyone assumed I would be upset at having a boy. Unreal.

Further ivf failed for a sibling and we decided to move to adoption. I remember a family member saying “I knew you would go
To any lengths to have a girl”. Imagine their surprise a few month later when they met our new 2 year old son!!!

kmckenna477 · 03/08/2018 00:58

Two of the same sex is fabulous. They will play with the same toys,understand each other’s interests and hopefully grow up to be good friends.

RiverTamFan · 03/08/2018 02:44

I knew a couple who kept saying they weren't fussed what sex their children were.

Maybe it was true but if you're going to have 5 girls and then stop when number 6 is a boy, people are going to wonder! Of course they may have just been about to die of exhaustion.

lollilolli · 03/08/2018 06:05

DH nan rubbed my belly when we first told them I was pregnant witv DC2 and said oh I hope your a girl. This was while visiting Bils brand new baby boy, and with my son stood right next to me. As it happened, she was a girl but it really got my back up

Currently heavily pregnant with DC3, who will be our second boy. If I'm out and about with just DS and someone asks what we are having, I've had the pitying "oh no two boys then" comments. And if I'm just with DD it's the how lovely one of each comments before I point out it's dc3!! People just have to make stupid comments about everything and anything when your pregnant.

Faxthatpam · 03/08/2018 07:45

I get it op. I have 4 boys, they are grown up now and I still get the OMG 4 boys! Poor you! Comments even now. I really don’t get it. They are lovely young men, and we’ve had so much fun with them. Ignore and enjoy.

Eenymeeny123 · 03/08/2018 08:14

I think what all these stories show is that no matter what you have there are people out there who will make comments. So don't let it get to you, we have all been through it. My only regret is that I wished I read this thread when mine was young, the responses some of the posters gave were brilliant😀

SoyDora · 03/08/2018 08:24

RiverTamFan or they just wanted 6 children?! We wanted 3 regardless of sex.

niketrainersarecomfy · 03/08/2018 08:32

Nah i dont think anyone would want 6 boys. I think people like that do keep trying for a girl.
Boys are definitely seen as worse, almost commiserations when you get one.
I know someone who had an unexpected pregnancy following her daughter though who terminated. She said had she guaranteed a boy shed have gone ahead but another girl, whats the point?
If i could guarantee a girl id have tried again. I had enough boys and didnt want more. So was sterilised as a boy would have disappointed me and thats not fair

user1472151176 · 03/08/2018 08:47

I had a girl first and my second child was a boy. The amount of people who said that's perfect you can stop now was unreal!
A) 2 children were always going to be enough no matter what sex
B) it it literally no ones business

I too also go the large comments, it shocks me how people feel that no topics are off limits when you are pregnant.

just try to block them out. Hope all goes well

manicmij · 03/08/2018 08:49

Have twin boys and an older girl. Boys are actually easier to manage than girls imo. And size of bump isn't a good indicator of twin. Admitted to hospital six weeks before birth (nausea). Had someone else waiting on twin in hospital bay. For a bit of entertain we used to measure other women who were admitted for various reasons (all single births) and we two twins mums were smaller than those expecting only one baby.
Just ignore the comments, all most folk want is a healthy baby no matter the sex.

qumquat · 03/08/2018 08:56

I only have one and it's staying that way but I've always thought if I had more 2 of the same sex would be best, probably because I am much closer to my sister than my brother. I just don't get how people feel so entitled to comment on personal family things. I enjoy saying 'when hell freezes over' when people ask me when I am having a second.

Belindabauer · 03/08/2018 08:59

Some awful comments.
I think two children, a boy and a girl is still pushed as the ideal.
When I was a child every single school book featured this combination to the extent that I once asked my mum where my older brother was!d
Ignore those silly people as best you can.

chicalina · 03/08/2018 09:03

People always love to comment OP, I wouldn't worry about it too much. I have three and when we told my MIL we were expecting our third she looked horrified! She had two, and all my DHs family seem to have two. So when we announced a third, she couldn't get her head around it. She kept saying "what will you do though?" What do you mean 'what will I do?' I'll look after my three babies, what do you think I'll do? 😂

Needsomezzzz · 03/08/2018 09:17

I have 2 boys and get this all the time - are you going to go for a girl?
No! I have two happy and healthy children. You get what you get.
It really irritates me when people pass judgement, I know that often it's because they have nothing else to say.

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