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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Two boys - AIBU / Paranoid?

247 replies

TreaclePumpkin · 01/08/2018 15:04

Hi all,

I have one son already and another one on the way. Every time I tell people my second child will also be a boy, people seem to be disappointed. And seem to be searching for my disappointment in my voice when I speak.

For the record, as nice as I'm sure as it would have been to have a girl, I truly don't mind I'm having a boy - just want a healthy baby who will hopefully grow up to have a close bond with his brother. And I have no plans to have any more children (don't love the whole pregnancy malarkey, though the end result is great), so no chance of me "trying" again.

But all I seem to get all the time are comments about how hard two boys will be and how I MUST try again, as if I have failed somehow. It's starting to make me feel super defensive about it, to the extent I'd rather lie and say I don't know what I'm having.

That plus the fact people can't get over just how big I look already and how the only explanation is that it must be twins Hmm If another person makes a comment about the size of my bump i'lll... never mind. I digress...

Anyhoo, is this a thing anyone else has experienced? Am I just being over-sensitive? I'm fully prepared to blame it on my hormones.

How do I get people to believe that I really am happy/don't care that my baby is a boy - without sounding like I'm protesting too much?

OP posts:
KittenFace · 03/08/2018 10:05

I had two boys within 11 months of each other. Firstly, if I had a pound for every time I heard "you must be mad!" from everybody, including total strangers, I would be a millionaire! I think this detracted from the fact DS2 is a boy, as it is only as they are older (maybe school age?) that I am constantly asked if I am going to try for a girl. Irritating enough, but when it's people who know us, I have to remind people that having DS2 nearly killed me off and I would no way risk leaving my 2 perfect boys motherless, it gets on my nerves!

For the record, I think every family is different and there is no right and wrong number of children / permutations of genders. Personally for me, I was hoping for a matching pair and was really chuffed to have two boys. Nowadays the boys are best of mates and our life is filled with noisy laughter, being eaten out of house and home, football, football and more football. I would not change it for the world.

MrsAlexKarev · 03/08/2018 10:16

I haven’t RTFT but honestly OP I’d let it wash right over you.

It can go both ways though... I have 2 boys and 2 girls. I had a boy first then a girl, so of course ‘society’ then assumed I’d finished having children because why would I want another child when I already had one of each gender?! 🙄🙄

Unfortunately there will always be people with their ideals and their silly way of life and just let them deal with it.

Massive congratulations to you :)

MrsAlexKarev · 03/08/2018 10:17

@KittenFace

If I had £1 every time I heard that too I’d have enough money to have more children 😂😂 I have 4 children 5 and under so hear it almost every time we are out!

thisonebreath · 03/08/2018 10:21

People are thoughtless. I'm having my third girl - my husband is getting a lot of 'sympathy' as if life will be hell with three daughters and a wife. Hmm

thisonebreath · 03/08/2018 10:26

Oh and I don't know why people think boys are more difficult. I'm a secondary teacher and teenage boys are pretty awesome and far less prone to eye-rolling strops. Wink

fitgirl26 · 03/08/2018 10:27

I have two boys aged 23 and 21 and I'm still sensitive about this. Whenever a pregnancy of the opposite sex to the first is announced on Facebook there are loads of comments about "your family will be complete" and "your family will be perfect". Does that make my family incomplete and imperfect?
PS I now have a teenage stepdaughter and I'm glad I didn't have to go through the hormonal girl stuff with my two - I just got grunted at :-D

candlefloozy · 03/08/2018 10:27

I always say aslong as everyone is healthy then it doesn't matter what comes out. But I do always say it would be nice to have one of each just so you can see what the opposite sex would look like. I don't mean anything in it apart from
Pure curiosity. I'd never feel sorry for someone having two boys or two girls though

SoyDora · 03/08/2018 10:32

But I do always say it would be nice to have one of each just so you can see what the opposite sex would look like

I don’t really understand this... Both my girls look completely different. I expect a boy would look different again, with maybe some similarities/family traits. I’ve never looked at a family with boys and thought ‘I wonder what their daughter would look like?’.

pollymere · 03/08/2018 10:47

After my Dad died, I found a letter expressing how they knew he'd been hoping for another boy and hopefully he wasn't too disappointed. I was the apple of his eye and he adored having a girl. If he'd been hoping for a boy, he certainly never let on. You can't win either way. Btw, if you do look like you're carrying twins, do get checked for gestational diabetes. Otherwise just ignore them and be proud of your giant bump.
.

parentin · 03/08/2018 15:43

I get this, I have 3 healthy boys 19, 16, 14. I still get people making that comment today even thou my baby is 14!. But to be honest having all boys is a lot easier than having a mix, for many reasons in my experience. I would not change anything. And NO I do not feel as if iv missed out. Ignore them really I now think it's just something people say for the sake of it

LovingKyloRen · 03/08/2018 17:09

Ah OP, on your digression, it’s such a joy when people feel like they can say whatever they want about your size... I had a sales woman walk up to me when I was pregnant with my DD and say “Ooh, it’s twins isn’t it? I’m never wrong. I can tell by your shape!”. When I told her through politely gritted teeth that no, it was just one baby, she then said, “Really? Are you sure?”. FFS. Mind you, DD did weigh in at 9lbs 7oz on arrival so she was taking up a lot of space Grin.

crimsonlake · 03/08/2018 17:26

I have 2 boys, 21 and 22 now. My mother still says wouldn't you have liked a girl. I have loved having boys, they are so loving and never for a second have I wished I had a girl. In fact with the first I wanted a boy and for the second I wanted him to have a brother to play with. You can be just as close with sons in my experience.

TWINS77 · 05/08/2018 04:11

When l was 16 weeks pregnant we went for a private scan to find out what our twins are before it gets too cramped in there... my family - all girls, my husband - three boys and a half sister, l was overjoyed to find out we were having two girls but SIL kept asking my husband if he’s disappointed, so much so that l understood the whole conversation from his replies, l was never so annoyed in my life! Of course, she has a son! Close second, people finding out l’m having twins, or seeing me out and about with them and commenting - oh poor you, double trouble, what did you do wrong to get this Angry

TWINS77 · 05/08/2018 04:15

Yeah and another one - will you try for a boy, it must be heart breaking - NO, actually we’re over the moon with what we have, and have no intentions to have more kids Hmm

TurquoiseDress · 05/08/2018 05:51

Hi OP

I would try to not let it get to you too much or feel you need to prove how happy you truly are.

My DC1 is a boy and I recently gave birth to a girl. I freely admit on here that I was very much hoping for another boy.

During my pregnancy I had the opposite to you- ie you must be over the moon it's one of each, must be relieved you don't have to try again, it'll be a mini-me, can dress up in pink stuff etc

And I had to try and go along with it despite internally feeling conflicted.

Of course a healthy baby is the important thing- I had a previous miscarriage so this pregnancy was extra special in the sense I was praying to get through without anything more bad happening.

I would've loved to have 2 boys and do still get a pang of sadness that my son won't get to have a brother, but then I shake myself and count my blessings that I have two healthy children.

Hushhush89 · 05/08/2018 08:24

I have 3 girls, when I got pregnant with my 2nd everyone kept asking me if I was hoping for a boy, I said I would like to have a boy but all I want is a healthy baby. Found out at 20wks i was having a girls and before I had even had her people would always say soon as she's here I'd have to try again.

With my 3rd everyone was sure I was having a boy, carried completely different to my first 2 (at the start I did think a boy) found out at my 20 wk scan I was having another girl and that's it everyone asking me when I'm trying again. My youngest is 7 months and even when I out with all 3 girls I'll have strangers asking me when I'm next trying for a boy and they seemed surprised when I tell them I'm done.

Yes I would loved to of had a boy but I have 3 healthy beautiful girls that I wouldn't change...

harvester77 · 05/08/2018 09:43

I have 2 boys and they are great but to be honest with you I'm so glad I have a girl as well! Balance it out and love us doing girly stuff together. However most important thing is baby is healthy and happy.

Bellini12 · 06/08/2018 09:02

I have 2 DD’s. Youngest is 9 and the decision not to have any more was made years ago. Whilst having a hypothetical conversation yesterday, my mum commented that my siblings and I all stuck at having 2 kids. I said I was tempted to go for a third and my brother pipped up ‘was that because you wanted to try for a boy?’ Errr no, it was because I would have liked another baby.
Being the only one not having one of each, I have endured these comments for years, even my midwife during labour said it would be nice if DD2 was a boy!
In some ways I think my life is easier as my 2 naturally play together.
People are ignorant sometimes.

TrotEsio · 06/08/2018 09:09

People can be incredibly rude.

When I was pregnant with DD2, someone commented 'oh, are you going to try for another to hopefully have a boy?' This being whilst I was pregnant Confused

I replied 'no, I don't want to try again in case I have a boy'

Not true at all but worth it for the look on her face.

Rufustheyawningreindeer · 06/08/2018 09:12

I had one of each

Then spent my 3rd pregnancy being questioned as to why i wanted 3 when i already had one of each Grin

That and jokes about having no telly Hmm

corythatwas · 06/08/2018 09:18

I also have one of each. And yes, they are awesome. But they are awesome as individuals. As are my three brothers. All different personalities.

NordicNobody · 06/08/2018 09:19

I have a son and am now pregnant with a daughter. Before my scan I got soooo many comments about how nervous I must be in case it's another boy, I must be so hoping it's a girl blah blah blah. No one seemed to believe me when I told then a truly couldn't care less as long as they were healthy. Then when I found out I was having a girl everyone was sooooo relieved for me Hmm. Some people even said things like "ok you can drop the act now, you're glad it's a girl right?" Like, fuck off already! No idea what gives people the idea you want their stupid bloody opinions. It's so rude. And definitely don't get me started on "you're so big", "are you sure it's not twins, you should get another scan to make sure", "you should go to the doctor, you may have oedema", "forget a home birth, if the baby's as big as you look you'll need a c section". My child, so far, is actually measuring small. Definitely want to punch a lot of people at the moment.

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