Two boys - AIBU / Paranoid?

[TreaclePumpkin]

Hi all,

I have one son already and another one on the way. Every time I tell people my second child will also be a boy, people seem to be disappointed. And seem to be searching for my disappointment in my voice when I speak.

For the record, as nice as I'm sure as it would have been to have a girl, I truly don't mind I'm having a boy - just want a healthy baby who will hopefully grow up to have a close bond with his brother. And I have no plans to have any more children (don't love the whole pregnancy malarkey, though the end result is great), so no chance of me "trying" again.

But all I seem to get all the time are comments about how hard two boys will be and how I MUST try again, as if I have failed somehow. It's starting to make me feel super defensive about it, to the extent I'd rather lie and say I don't know what I'm having.

That plus the fact people can't get over just how big I look already and how the only explanation is that it must be twins If another person makes a comment about the size of my bump i'lll... never mind. I digress...

Anyhoo, is this a thing anyone else has experienced? Am I just being over-sensitive? I'm fully prepared to blame it on my hormones.

How do I get people to believe that I really am happy/don't care that my baby is a boy - without sounding like I'm protesting too much?

Actually this reaction you get OP, isn't that unusual! I have twins - both boys. Many comments about "what a shame one wasn't a girl then you'd have a complete set/pair" or "you'll have to have another now to get a girl". My replies used to be determined by my mood and whether I felt the person making the remarks was stupid or catty. So it would be anything from "Oh! I'm happy to have both boys" to "f off you connivving maggot!"

I have 2 boys. Of course initially I wanted one of each to experience both ends of the spectrum...but I wouldn’t change them for the world. They are best friends. The day I brought the youngest home from hospital my eldest shunned him - he wouldn’t even look at or acknowledge him. By the next morning he was loving him and stroking him and they have remained close ever since. They always look out for one another, even at school. They tell me every day without fail that they love me. Most days both will randomly place a kiss on my forehead. Boys are wonderful.

I've got two girls, everyone went on about how we'd have to "try again" for a boy. Drives me absolutely fucking insane! 5 years later and I'm still getting asked when we're going to try for a boy.

I do think there is a biss towards girls in the uk though.
The only pregnancy where i felt id achieved something amazing was with my girl. Boys are lovely but girls are seen as a prize.
I asked a friend pregnant with ds3 what she was having. She said boy i was like oh lovely. But i knew she wanted a girl so whats to say.

Bias

People are idiots. Possible responses...

“That must be tricky for you, feeling that one sex is inferior to the other. I thought we were moving beyond that shit as a society.” with condescending sympathetic face.

“Why are you more interested in my unborn baby’s genitals than their health?”

“I’m delighted.”

Death-stare.

Oh people are rude OP. I have 3 boys and get all sorts of comments. My latest reply tends to be “they’re not animals you know!”
It really annoys me. I adore my boys. I would adore them all if one or more were a girl. It is pot luck.
As for the size comments. “Are you sure you’re not having twins?!” Answer. “Yes actually, I think they’d have noticed. Would you have made that comment to me if I were just fat. “Oh, you’ve done a good job of eating well lately haven’t you!”no?!”

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr

I have 4 boys. With each pregnancy after the first when people asked if we were hoping for a girl I would, very seriously, say "No, we're going to keep trying until we get a leftie!" Then explain that DH is right handed and I am left handed so we are looking to have at least one left handed and one right handed child!

Most people didn't ask again!

It would also have worked if we'd said, "No, DS1 is blond like his dad, we are going for a brunette like his mum." Wouldn't have worked with eye colour as we are both blue eyed.

You could try responding something like "No, our focus isn't on whether or not no. 2 has a penis; no. 1 has brown eyes like me, we are hoping no. 2 has green eyes like dad." (Or something relevant to your appearances). Often cuts the convo short.

(And yes, it turned out we did get a leftie, nos. 1, 2 and 3 are all right handed and no. 4 is left handed! And they each had slightly darker hair than the previous one so I got my left handed, brown haired boy eventually. Coincidence?)

This is slightly at a tangent but I'm a GP and so see a lot of elderly people and their relatives /carers. What has surprised me over the years is that, in my experience, it's just as likely to be sons taking on care and coming to appointments as daughters. I had assumed it was a more female thing to stay closer to family but I feel that's not the case at all. So many loving sons involved with their elderly parents. So I would have to disagree with the statement that boys don't stay as close to parents as it's just not what I've observed.

That’s nice to hear rainbowinacloud

Congratulations on your pregnancy!
I have 3 DC, the amount of folk that commented on pregnancy no. 3 was unbelievable! ‘But you have one of each’ was very common. I ended up with 2 DS who are just as lovable as DD

@Somersetlady
”I promise if I was able to have another child I would want another boy.”

Personally that has more to do with how worried I would be for a daughter growing up in this crazy image obsessed world and the values that so many young women who are famous currently have!
Okay you’ve just stated my comment is odd but you are slating girls.
I’m happy having a boy and a girl, DD is incredibly sporty and doesn’t care about here appearance (although she’s incredibly beautiful).
DS is also sporty but is more concerned about being “cool” and popular!
I love them both equally.
Saying my opinion is odd while stating ridiculous reasons you prefer boys is incredibly “odd”..,

I have 3 the same and when I told anyone no 3 was same sex as dc1&2 everyone assumed I would be trying again.

I think they thought no 3 was to get the opposite sex, not because I wanted a third child.

I am thrilled to have 3 happy and healthy children, I never wanted a fourth.

I have a boy and currently expecting our second baby - I was convinced it would be a boy, and was happy for DS to have a brother - on the other hand would have been pleased about a girl.
When telling people I was positive it was a boy, I got a lot of flat 'oh, really? Wouldn't it be nice to have a girl?' type responses.
When I found out and told people we were having a girl you'd have thought I told them we'd won the lottery!
I still maintain I'd have been happy either way.
Enjoy your boys OP x

Whatever combination you get you get stupid comments, I have a girl and a boy, didn't know when pregnant, but all I get now is oh your lucky one of each no need to have a third. My response is we wanted two kids - end of story. If my second had been a girl that is what we would have!

People like to make silly comments I have decided!

I used to feel sorry for people who had all boys in a way I didn't towards families who had all girls. Then I had a boy and now I realise boys are fabulous! If I was able to have another child I would absolutely be thrilled to have another boy. The only time I get a pang of 'regret' (but not really regret) is when I see cute baby girl clothes id love to buy. But that is literally the only time!

I have 4 boys and I can tell you that they’re all great and when i ‘only’ had 2 boys, it was lovely as there’s a small gap between them so they’ve always been buds! They all love their sister though so that’s a good thing!!

@ghanagirl

That is my own personal feeling and not slating girls!

You on the other hand think everyone who does not agree with that you think is lying which i do find odd!

I believe what other users say they feel!

My mum is a nightmare for this.

'Oh you need a girl'

Why's that then? I'm not planning on inbreeding them like targaryens so what on Earth do I 'need' a girl for. Baffles me.

@Bouncingbelle so right! Boys clothes are so boring - lots of navy and grey. The girls section always looks much cuter!

I used to feel sorry for people who had all boys in a way I didn't towards families who had all girls. Then I had a boy and now I realise boys are fabulous

BouncingBelle this was me exactly. I had girls first and adored it. My friends with only boys were openly jealous and they all were desperate for girls. I did feel sorry for those with just boys...I went on to have boys and feel so stupid and ignorant now!! A child is a child and not just their gender and they're all so different!!! I had no brothers and negative experiences with boys from growing up. Also my parent and grandparent and massively biased towards girls and often state how much better girls are and how they are both glad they had girls..boys don't bother etc.

My friends who had boys and were desperate (their words) for a girl all went on to have girls. They all have 'girly' days and go way overboard with pink. The stuff of nightmares for me!! Social constructionist crap!!! I actually prefer 'boys' clothes and toys but wish they were gender neutral these days.

One last thing. When I only had girls I got loads of comments all the time. Most by people presuming DH was gutted to not have a boy. One man who had 1 son declared to me that having daughters wasn't the same for a man and that my DH probably had weak sperm!!!

After suffering stillbirth more than once I also know the miracle of having a living child and it's true that any is a blessing. Biological sex is only a small part of their being

A colleague of mine has doted on her 2 DS now in their early 20s - they love her but she hardly sees them anymore - they are all about their mates, their girlfriends and their girlfriends’ families.

This describes my adult DDs and many of their friends. And I don't mind at all. I am happy they are independent and having a great time. I really don't think this is about biological sex. Many women have careers and move away for work now.

I have three boys - twins and a singleton. When we were pregnant the second time and confirmed we were having another boy (which we suspected), pretty much everyone sympathised with us. Which was completely unnecessary because we were very happy to be having another baby...it took us 6 years and loads of IVF to get there! MIL drove me nuts with her depressing comments about having another boy, followed by her attempts to ‘cheer everyone up’ and ‘look on the bright side’. Nearly had to go NC! Ignore them all, it won’t stop, we still get sympathy for having three boys. Seems it’s a ‘thing’! For what it’s worth, I adore my boys and wouldn’t have them any other way!

I always found it odd when I was having DC2 and people would ask if I was ‘hoping for a girl to balance it out’. Then when she was a girl it was always ‘ooh yes, aren’t you lucky having one of each.’ I really couldn’t have cared less. Likewise when I was having DC3 it was always ‘well since you have one of each, I suppose it won’t matter which you have now’ . It never did anyway!

People are so strange.