Two boys - AIBU / Paranoid?

[TreaclePumpkin]

Hi all,

I have one son already and another one on the way. Every time I tell people my second child will also be a boy, people seem to be disappointed. And seem to be searching for my disappointment in my voice when I speak.

For the record, as nice as I'm sure as it would have been to have a girl, I truly don't mind I'm having a boy - just want a healthy baby who will hopefully grow up to have a close bond with his brother. And I have no plans to have any more children (don't love the whole pregnancy malarkey, though the end result is great), so no chance of me "trying" again.

But all I seem to get all the time are comments about how hard two boys will be and how I MUST try again, as if I have failed somehow. It's starting to make me feel super defensive about it, to the extent I'd rather lie and say I don't know what I'm having.

That plus the fact people can't get over just how big I look already and how the only explanation is that it must be twins If another person makes a comment about the size of my bump i'lll... never mind. I digress...

Anyhoo, is this a thing anyone else has experienced? Am I just being over-sensitive? I'm fully prepared to blame it on my hormones.

How do I get people to believe that I really am happy/don't care that my baby is a boy - without sounding like I'm protesting too much?

I've started saying to people "It's so great for DS1 to have a brother". They get on so well and love playing together. People look at it from the parents viewpoint but there are loads of advantages for the children to have a sibling the same sex. People forget this when favouring 'one of each'.

I have two boys when people ask if I wish one of the, was a girl I either say,

"Yeah one them is a bit crap I wish I could send him back"

Or

"Which one of my gorgeous boys do you think I should exchange?"

And then I hit them - oh I'm not allowed to do that anymore am I?

I have 3 boys. I love it, yes it would be nice to have had a girl in the mix but no more so than it was to have another boy. I rcperienced the exact same reaction on ds2 and ds3, "maybe next time you'll have a girl" or "will you try again for a girl". I started to reply, "If you do the pregnancy and provide for them I'll keep going just for you". It may have come across rude to some but to me it was no more rude than implying i must be disappointed to only have sons. All children are a blessing regardless of their gender.

When my late MIL found out I had had a 2nd DD (which was absolutely what I wanted) the first thing she said to me on the phone was that I would have to try again for a boy. I loved having 2 girls and am now even happier with 3 girls!

I grew up with just a brother and I always felt we both missed out, we weren't really close aa we had nothing in common. I always wanted two of the same because I felt they would be closer, I know that's not always the case but my own experience made me feel that way. I had 2 boys and I know exactly what you mean. I remember been in labour and the nurse asked me what was i having, I said a boy she asked what did I have at home, I said a boy and she went ah no!!! Women would always ask me would I go again for the girl, my answer was I wanted 2 kids, I have 2 kids. Don't let it put a dampner on your pregnancy, my boys are teens now and are completely different one sporty, one into sc-fi but they have a boys humour and share a lot. They decided to share a room years ago and I hear them chatting and laughing at night. Don't get me wrong they can fight but they have a connection i never had with my brother. No matter what you have people will always feel they have a right to comment. Don't take any notice and congrats

Experienced*

Moosemouse i love your answer, pity i didn't seen it yeard ago when my two were young.

Statistically you're more likely to have a second boy if you already have one. It's only about a 1% higher chance though.
The other issue is that people talk crap. My own sil told me I'd need to keep trying for a girl after ds2 was born. Weirdo. 2 boys is great.

I have 2 boys and if I ever have another I would prefer another boy! (I wouldn't mind if it were a girl either) They are so much fun and so protective of each other and so so loving

I have two boys and yes, I would've liked a girl for my second. Instead I have the cheekiest, funniest, most loving little boy and I wouldn't change him for the world. I had the same - people asking me if I wanted a girl or would try again to 'get' a girl. It pissed me off no end and I vehemently denied caring at all about the baby's sex except with my very closest friends. I don't want my son to ever feel like he's second best and if anyone suggested so I would tear them apart!

I have 4 children. 3 boys and 1 girl. I've had so many stupid comments over the years. Just smile and enjoy your family - whatever form it takes. People just like to pass comment. Often without thinking and tactlessly!

Indon't know why baby girls are so much more wanted than boys. I just spent the day with friends who have two boys and we went clothes shopping with them, ate an ice cream and they gave me lots of cuddles. The only difference is that they wear trousers instead of dresses.

Two of the same is great. One of each is great.
I have 2 DDs, Dsis has 2 DSs. We both got the 'aren't you disappointed it's not a girl/boy?' and "Girls/boys are so much more difficult than boys/girls' shite.
It's just people making conversation. Rise above it.

I have a (totally unscientific) theory that the people who are either disappointed with the sex of their own children, or who are disappointed on behalf of other people and their children, are the sort of idiots who always dress boys in blue and buy them only cars and dinosaurs, and always dress girls in pink and buy them only dolls and cooking/cleaning toys.

I have 3 boys and they are so much easier that my 2 girls

Well Wearywithteens you are the voice of happiness aren't you?

The grain of truth in that is that some ( not all ) mothers expect this and let their sons drift away. My mil did, she loves him, but she expects he will do things with my family, she doesn't visit because she is more comfortable with her daughter than me.

It really is her problem, she could be part of our family but she believes all that nonsense and so it becomes true.

im one of three girls-my parents used to get this with our yojngest sister(quite a big gap) everyone was like ooh i bet youre hoping for a boy

my dmum always just said i honestly dont care as long as theyre healthy then comes the argh yeah of course

the truth is she wanted all girls-i dont know why knowing us know but each to their own!

3 boys here, and I get these comments ALL the time. I think there is a bias towards girls at the moment. Almost all of my friends have expressed a preference for girls (one friend who found out she was pregnant knowing I had two boys said "I hope to God it isn't a boy") and I get all sorts of pitying comments for having three boys. I adore all 3 boys, but I have at times really longed for a daughter and I think there would be something lovely about raising a child the same sex as me. this is not about gender essentialism or girls do this, boys do that, but more about raising a child where the expectations and social pressures are ones I understand better.

Our boys are very different from each other. Between them and at different times they have all been noisy and quiet, well behaved and absolutely wild, nurturing and violent. They love lego and art and music and coloring and sports and weapons and dolls and reading. They sometimes sit still and sometimes run wildly. Probably like most kids.

Our house is chaotic and wild and full of big outbursts of both laughter and fighting. sometimes I dream about what it would be like to have two quiet girls like my sister and I were as children who sat around all day doing quiet activities. But when I visit families like that it seems boring to me and I miss our wild hilarious family life.

I have two boys. Love it. Never had even a hint of that crap from anyone, but my bitchy resting face suggests I would tell them to fuck off if they tried.

Wearyofteens that saying is full of bs. Yes you know someone who doesn't see her sons much but that is one scenario. There are plenty of people with boys or girls who rarely see their kids and plenty of those who do. A relationship is down to what sex they are, it's down to the effort someone makes and their personality. Like I said I didn't have a close bond with my brother and that coloured my view but I'm sure there are loads of women who have a great relationship with their brothers. I know a few men who don't have a close relationship with their mother but most times it was down to the mother giving all her time and making all the effort with their daughter or their favourite child. I also know parents whose children have emigrated. I think it's more sad that your friend is waiting around for her sons to visit it call, she should be living her own life.
When it comes down to it no one should ever feel pity for a parent just because of their child's sex. It's the most ridiculous reason to pity someone.

I have three boys and my youngest has longer hair than the other two. Longer as in about half an inch above his collar. He's only five and doesn't like getting a hair cut. But my parents think I let it grow because I wanted a girl. They actually said this. I just wanted children. Sometimes it feels like my head is going to explode

Isn't down to what sex they are

A son’s a son til he takes a wife but a daughter’s a daughter all her life

I agree that sometimes this can be a self fulfilling prophecy. The only reason MIL is closer to SIL than to DH is because when SIL moved abroad, PIL’s followed her a year later! DH would love them to be more involved with our DC (and us). However MIL said things like ‘she (SIL) will need us for help with the DC more than you two do’. As it happens we have DC and SIL doesn’t, and never plans to (she is married).
My brother was far closer to my mum than I am. Unfortunately he died in his 20’s.