Two boys - AIBU / Paranoid?

[TreaclePumpkin]

Hi all,

I have one son already and another one on the way. Every time I tell people my second child will also be a boy, people seem to be disappointed. And seem to be searching for my disappointment in my voice when I speak.

For the record, as nice as I'm sure as it would have been to have a girl, I truly don't mind I'm having a boy - just want a healthy baby who will hopefully grow up to have a close bond with his brother. And I have no plans to have any more children (don't love the whole pregnancy malarkey, though the end result is great), so no chance of me "trying" again.

But all I seem to get all the time are comments about how hard two boys will be and how I MUST try again, as if I have failed somehow. It's starting to make me feel super defensive about it, to the extent I'd rather lie and say I don't know what I'm having.

That plus the fact people can't get over just how big I look already and how the only explanation is that it must be twins If another person makes a comment about the size of my bump i'lll... never mind. I digress...

Anyhoo, is this a thing anyone else has experienced? Am I just being over-sensitive? I'm fully prepared to blame it on my hormones.

How do I get people to believe that I really am happy/don't care that my baby is a boy - without sounding like I'm protesting too much?

A colleague of mine has doted on her 2 DS now in their early 20s - they love her but she hardly sees them anymore - they are all about their mates, their girlfriends and their girlfriends’ families

To be honest this describes most 20 something’s I know, male and female. Nearly everyone I know (including me) went away for uni and didn’t come back (or didn’t come back for years and years).
I went to uni, got a graduate job, met my boyfriend (now husband) at said graduate job. Life was all about my career, my friends and my boyfriend. Of course I still saw my parents, but life was busy. The whole point of growing up is that you ‘fly the nest’.
Incidentally, my brother stayed at home for uni and moved 5 mins down the street!
We moved back to the area when we had children.

after DS 2 was born, people assumed we would be trying for a 3rd, when I said no 2 fine, they'd say "oh but are you not going to try for a girl?" Errr no, 2 DC is all we wanted. "but surely want a girl too"

I'm afraid OP these comments will continue for a few years yet.

I have a girl already and am now having a boy and I still got this from family! Several wanted me to have another girl and made their disappointment clear. My husband and I were celebrating having a son (didn't care either way, just happy to have this nice extra info about the baby) and my mum actually says "nevermind"!!!!
That made me want to break stuff.
All I'll say is people will shut up after a while. And sex means nothing whatsoever until puberty - its just a body part. I have been very irritated by constant "boys are this and that" every symptom "yeah thats boys for you" "he'll be early/late/big/small/a good sleeper/eater because boys are" what a load of bollocks!!
Congratulations on your two lovely healthy kids xxx

I have three children and didn't find out the sex until I gave birth. I love all my children regardless of their sex. I had my two boys and when I was expecting my third child all I heard from people was "I see you are trying for a girl". I wanted three children. As it happens my third was a girl and my god she is so different to her brothers!! Congratulations, enjoy your boys and good luck. People can keep their noses out!

I had five boys and wanted a girl every time but as soon as they were born fell in love with each and every one of them. I am glad I couldn’t find out while pregnant because it would have been harder not having met them. What I struggled with was family not being delighted for me, and hearing phone conversations ‘yes, it’s another boy. She doesn’t seem to mind though.’ I can quite happily say I don’t care in the slightest that I didn’t have daughters. I love my boys to bits and the added bonus of my two grandchildren being girls!

TBH if I was having DC close in age I would prefer them to be the same sex. I'm not sure that opposite sex siblings end up with quite the same bond. I am sure that this is irrational, and I know them being the same sex wouldn't guarantee them bonding either but it's something which irrationally worries me!

I have two boys, now 17 and 14 and it has been an absolute joy to see them entertain each other over the years and to have shared interests.

Friends with only one boy always seemed to be ringing round trying to organise play dates for their sons.

I find boys' clothes can be really really cute if you're willing to search through the navy and grey, though - and even the occasional navy/grey touch sets off the other, really bright colours lovely.

I found it a fun challenge to find a rainbow of colours for my DS1! It's a shame he is now boringly attached to black and white

I thought I wanted 1 of each as society says this is 'perfect' and the family is 'complete'. I had a boy and then another boy, I had loads of rude and upsetting comments about how disappointing this is. I then found out that my boys are individuals, one is easy, kind and sweet the other a complete whirlwind! One is sporty and a computer wizz like DH the other artistic like me, we do arty crafty stuff together. I am super close to both, neither are a disappointment!

My BBF said what a shame I have 2 DS as they will move away and become distant and won't bother with me much when I'm older...unlike her 2 girls. I told her this isn't the 1950s. My Dad visited his parents all the time until their death. My DH's Dad lived down the road from his Mum and visited a few times a week, his sister moved abroad and saw her about twice a decade. I have moved away from my home town where my parents still live, my brother is still there and he does loads for our parents, puts me to shame tbh!

Two boys here. I've had "will you be having any more to get a girl too?" Erm, no, two's enough for me thanks.
Anyway, how many times are you supposed to keep going in order to get one? You could end up with six or seven of them and no hair left.

One of my friends has 2 girls and she HATES it when people say are you trying for a boy. She has had 2 late stillborn boys. Sometimes these comments aren't just irritating but like a stab in the heart. Sorry to be over dramatic but grrrr!

Don't bother to listen to them. People are quick to make one feel a failure; for some it's their life's work. 'No children? You poor thing!' 'Two boys? What hard work!' 'Another girl? Never mind, better luck next time!' etc. Give them the finger.

I have twin girls, and when they were babies people, for some reason, refused to believe I didn't have one of each. Every sodding time I went out, people would say: Oh, how nice, a boy and a girl. When I told them (despite the girls being dressed in pink/purple) that they are two girls, people would say: Are you sure? Of course I'm bloody sure!!!

Once I actually told someone that neither of them have a penis, so I assume they must be girls.

Used to irritate the crap out of me.

I have 2 boys, now 16 & 19.

I wouldn't change anything, and think they have been a lot less trouble during the teenage years than many of my friends' daughters.

They have completely different personalities and interests but still get on well together & enjoy doing sport together & each other's company etc.

They are both very loving to their Mum (and Dad!)

And when they were little, passing on clothes etc was so much easier.

My mum looked disappointed when I told her my second was a boy which disappointed me... i actually wanted 2 boys...
However she loved him completely and I think he's now the favourite...
Happy kids is all anyone needs, whatever their preferences..

I felt like you when I had my sons 14 and 11 years ago. I'd always wanted a girl. As it turns out I got 2 lovely sons and I wouldn't swap them for girls for anything. I have all nieces and my experience is that girls bring lots of different challenges. I could never braid hair etc. I remember feeling like you but that's a distant feeling now. Don't worry you're not alone and only us mums know we got the best deal.

On the flip side I’m having one of each and I’ve heard it said so many times that 2 brothers or 2 sisters will get on so much better. I worry that my dd won’t have that closeness that she might have had if I’d had two the same. Basically people love to comment whatever the sex /age gap.

Right after dd2 was born, dh bought me a lovely ring - I'd never had an engagement ring.
First reaction from a (non Brit) neighbour - 'You got that for a girl?'

Ignore them OP - congrats on your upcoming no. 2.

I did get very broody for a while after dd2 (it did pass eventually) but it was never remotely a case of wanting to 'try for a boy' - I just really wanted another baby.

When DD2 was born we had this too people expected us to be disappointed we had not got a boy. My much loved granddad got the brunt of my frustration when he asked if I minded and I snapped " No it was what I ordered" Stopped the questions though

I'm just amazed that people are so rude and assumptive.

If it was me I'd say 'well, I'm not assuming which gender they'll end up identify as. I guess I'll wait and see.' That'll either shut them up or move you all into an entirely different topic

I have two boys, and whilst they can be a handful there’s no malice or bit Gunes’s in them at all, rows blow over quickly without long-term grudge-holding which is what my friends who have just girls say happens (and I went to a girls school so tend to agree). One boy and one girl is ideal in some ways, but the boys will chum up and it will be easier to take them both to the same activities when they are older.

Doh - I meant “no malice or bitchyness...” - wretched autocorrect 😐

I had three girls and never found out the sex of any of them before they were born. When pregnant with nos 3 peeps used to say to me ‘what will you do if it’s another girl?’ I was never brave enough to actually say it but I worked out a response in my head ‘sell her on ebay’. Honestly, people are just thoughtless dicks sometimes.

I think if people are honest most would like to have one of each sex if they could choose

Nope. I have one DD. If I’d had a second I wouldn’t have cared as long as the baby was healthy - but if I’d had to choose would have gone for another girl