Two boys - AIBU / Paranoid?

[TreaclePumpkin]

Hi all,

I have one son already and another one on the way. Every time I tell people my second child will also be a boy, people seem to be disappointed. And seem to be searching for my disappointment in my voice when I speak.

For the record, as nice as I'm sure as it would have been to have a girl, I truly don't mind I'm having a boy - just want a healthy baby who will hopefully grow up to have a close bond with his brother. And I have no plans to have any more children (don't love the whole pregnancy malarkey, though the end result is great), so no chance of me "trying" again.

But all I seem to get all the time are comments about how hard two boys will be and how I MUST try again, as if I have failed somehow. It's starting to make me feel super defensive about it, to the extent I'd rather lie and say I don't know what I'm having.

That plus the fact people can't get over just how big I look already and how the only explanation is that it must be twins If another person makes a comment about the size of my bump i'lll... never mind. I digress...

Anyhoo, is this a thing anyone else has experienced? Am I just being over-sensitive? I'm fully prepared to blame it on my hormones.

How do I get people to believe that I really am happy/don't care that my baby is a boy - without sounding like I'm protesting too much?

I have 2 boys and get told this! I am so pleased I’ve got 2 boys as we’re a very sporty/outdoors family, and some of my friends are having trouble with their girly girls...for example my very Tom boy friend has a girly girl who just wants to wear make up and dress up, much to my friends dismay
Also my boys LOVE playing together. Meaning DH and I get a break.

weary what a load of BS!! My DH is FAR closer to his mother than I am. Relationships are built on years of trust, love, intimacy, transparency and nurturing... not what genitals is residing in their pants.
You’re peddling theories from the 1950s.

I have one of each and when they were young they did fight but growing up they are extremely close and protective of each other. For instance no girl is good enough for ds according to dd and ds always looks after little sis!
I never favoured either sex just happy to have healthy babies

I think it's sad that in this day in age children are still stereo typed. Boys are sporty, girls like fashion. Women want daughters, men want sons! No, everyone is different and have different likes and interests. I have one very sporty boy, so have been at the side line watching his match. I have one boy that hates sports, he loves sci-fi, so have watched loads of Dr Who with him when he was younger. My relationship with both is very different but as important. What matters is the time, the effort, the connection you put in and make with your children.

That must be really annoying!
However most of the women I know who have 2 boys expressed disappointment when expecting the second. As many women yearn for a daughter or one of each, people tend to assume everyone wants that. My close friend was bitterly disappointed to be expecting another boy and said it helped when people commiserated with her and urged her to try for a 3rd. She's now pregnant with a girl!

In other parts of the world sons are favoured, so you'd get the same reaction if you had 2 girls.

After my mum had my little sister, a nurse came over and asked her if she had any other children. My mum replied, "Yes, two girls." "Oh, never mind" said the nurse. My mum was livid!

I guess the reason these silly comments are annoying is that I would hate for any of my sons to think they weren't absolutely 100% celebrated when they arrived. That would be very hurtful.

Agree completely.

I really didn't care at all about the sex of first one. Now I've got one DD, if we have another (which I hope we do), I think it would be cheaper to hAve another girl because we could reuse more of the baby clothes! Plus, they'll be able to share a room longer. I really don't get why one of each is considered the ideal, it sounds the most difficult/expensive combination to me.

*A son’s a son til he takes a wife but a daughter’s a daughter all her life

I agree that sometimes this can be a self fulfilling prophecy*

Definitely. If you expect your sons to drift away then you're probably not going to put as much effort into the relationship and not be as close and therefore they're more likely to drift. This is not the case in my own family however - my grandparents had 2 sons (no daughters) who are both close by and visit at least weekly, and my aunt and uncle had 3 sons (again no daughters) and they are close too, maybe even more so than my sister and I are to our parents.

All the women who long for daughters, expect to get on better with them, and then it becomes true. The sons they were disappointed with are distant- well of course they are they were a disappointment.

If you love you child but are 'disappointed' they are a boy because you won't be close to them, guess what? You won't be close them and it will be your fault.

I had the same comments after having two girls. My mil told me I 'needed' to try again as 'dh needs a boy'. I'd have loved a boy, but I have two amazing girls and im content with that. I never felt disappointed for even a nano second.

Yes get this all the time. Have two boys just 2 and 4 and people constantly ask if we are going to try for a sister!

If I did have a 3rd I would far rather it was another boy than a girl who gets left out (my only experience being OH who has a younger brother and then a sister who was always on the sidelines).

I have been clipped and advised not to have any more children after multiple miscarriages and a haemorrhage if they are very persistent about the girl giving them this information soon shuts them up!!!

I'm expecting my second and he's another boy so with have two beautiful boys. As others have said when I found out I was having another boy, people were like 'never mind' or 'that's a shame'. I'm so happy my boy is going to have a little brother- there will be 18 months between them so I hope they are close. People are already telling me I will try for a third.... I don't want a third child 😐 I've always wanted two. The amount of people who have said 'yeah but you will want to try for a girl.' Has astounded me. I'm happy with two boys!!!!!

I have 2 boys and I have never got these kind of comments but perhaps they are to come! I had a complicated, traumatic miscarriage in between the two but fell pregnant with DS2 very quickly after. I had a difficult pregnancy with bleeding, extra scans, cholestasis. DS2 arrived and he really was the rainbow after the storm. He is a delight and has totally completed our family. Anyone who suggested otherwise would soon be put straight!

I had this. "Never mind". "Oh you can always try again".

And one old lady peered into the pram at newborn son 2 and said "oh what a shame".

My mother in law had two boys, "tried for a girl" and had another boy. She now has five grandchildren and guess what.....

So I think she'd like a grand-daughter but she's not getting one from me.

Wearywithteens.

My 23yo son is lying at my feet like a big, slobbery Labrador. I don’t see him as much as I’d like but that’s because he’s a soldier not because he’s male. He brings his mates home for weekends, FaceTimes me when he’s away and spends the vast majority of his leave here. If he’s out at a Mess do, or on holiday, he sends me loads of texts and WhatsApps

DS2 has just qualified as a nurse. He’s living in the city he went to uni at but he contacts me every day. Me, him, DH and DS2’s girlfriend are all going away next week. DS2 loves that his girlfriend is close to her family and she loves the same about him.

I hate this bullshit notion that boys don’t stay close to their mums when they grow up. I’m not close to my mum because she’s really not very nice (and she didn’t want 2 daughters and did try again for a boy) but my dad and my uncle worshipped the ground my gran walked on until the day she died.

@ghanagirl what an odd comment you made........:!!!!

“I think if people are honest most would like to have one of each sex if they could choose.”

Why would people come on an Internet forum where they are unidentifiable and then lie about how they feel?

I promise if I was able to have another child I would want another boy.

Personally that has more to do with how worried I would be for a daughter growing up in this crazy image obsessed world and the values that so many young women who are famous currently have!

It doesn't get any better... just take it on the chin and ignore them. I have three gorgeous boys and the comments I get are unreal.. latest was 'oh you didn't get the right recipe for a girl then'.

My two oldest (aged 3 and 5) are absolute best friends and play together for hours... now I'm not saying a boy/girl won't play together for hours but trust me when I say you will love having two boys when their friendship appears. You will be the smug one then!

My parents lost their son when he was 39, so now they only have me and my sister now. That has taught me that it truly doesn't matter what sex children you have, just treasure each and every one of them and ignore all of the crass comments.

I have two boys and I never had any of these comments, ever!

FWIW I was very pleased when we found out DS2 was a boy. Two the same is great apart from they are virtually the same size in clothes despite being 2.5 years apart therefore we do not benefit at all from being able to hand down grr

I have 2 boys. I had always thought that I would have girls and still sometimes find it a bit strange that I don't. I couldn't face having another baby but I do sometimes feel sad about it. I probably wouldn't have had DS2 if DS1 had been a girl!

Haha flowery it’s the same with my girls, 20 months apart but in the same size clothes so no hand me downs! It’s a pain

DH and I just forked out for two complete sets of new school uniform in the exact same size. FFS!

DD1 starts school in September and DD2 will start next year and I’m already annoyed at the fact that I won’t be able to reuse this year’s school uniform for DD2!

I have 3 boys.

When I went back to work after maternity leave with ds3, a woman I vaguely know (enough to say hi to) passed me in the corridor and welcomed me back.

Then she said 'ah I heared your youngest was another boy! I was gutted for you babes, really gutted. Never mind though, maybe you'll try again'. And off she went.

Hearing how you must have your hands full and questions about whether you're disappointed with your children are daily occurrences when you have multiple boys IME.

I am currently pregnant with baby 3 and have two boys - people are always tentatively asking ‘are you bothered by what you have’ or ‘is this a try for a girl’. I have two boys and would love a girl and this is a third baby because I wanted another child but I’d be telling a huge lie if I said I wouldn’t prefer a girl. It really has never bothered me. Most people do want one of each so they can experience both. Yes there are people who want all girls or all boys and some who don’t mind either way. People make the assumption because that would be their own preference that is all.