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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Two boys - AIBU / Paranoid?

247 replies

TreaclePumpkin · 01/08/2018 15:04

Hi all,

I have one son already and another one on the way. Every time I tell people my second child will also be a boy, people seem to be disappointed. And seem to be searching for my disappointment in my voice when I speak.

For the record, as nice as I'm sure as it would have been to have a girl, I truly don't mind I'm having a boy - just want a healthy baby who will hopefully grow up to have a close bond with his brother. And I have no plans to have any more children (don't love the whole pregnancy malarkey, though the end result is great), so no chance of me "trying" again.

But all I seem to get all the time are comments about how hard two boys will be and how I MUST try again, as if I have failed somehow. It's starting to make me feel super defensive about it, to the extent I'd rather lie and say I don't know what I'm having.

That plus the fact people can't get over just how big I look already and how the only explanation is that it must be twins Hmm If another person makes a comment about the size of my bump i'lll... never mind. I digress...

Anyhoo, is this a thing anyone else has experienced? Am I just being over-sensitive? I'm fully prepared to blame it on my hormones.

How do I get people to believe that I really am happy/don't care that my baby is a boy - without sounding like I'm protesting too much?

OP posts:
Parttimewasteoftime · 01/08/2018 16:01

I have two beautiful sons thank god. After my 1st DS I had a late miscarriage losing my DD at 20 weeks was awful. When we had DS2 I got lots of pity comments I was just so happy to be carrying a healthy baby!
Some people should just mind there own business they do not know what you have been through!
Having two boys is great Op Congratulations 🎊

ALemonyPea · 01/08/2018 16:01

My favourite comment has to be from my nana though. When I told her my third was another boy, she told me only bossy women have all boys 🤔😁

Ghanagirl · 01/08/2018 16:04

I think if people are honest most would like to have one of each sex if they could choose.

slovenlys · 01/08/2018 16:06

I'm sure there has been three threads on this so far this week?!

Anyhoo. I have a boy and if I was to have another child I'd be wishing for another boy, they are FAB.

Ignore the twerps

Lindalee3 · 01/08/2018 16:06

Wouldn't bother me if I was OK with having 2 boys.

Ignore them.

SoyDora · 01/08/2018 16:07

I think if people are honest most would like to have one of each sex if they could choose

I genuinely had absolutely zero preference. After my first girl I was extremely happy with a second girl... I adored my first so why would I not be happy with a second?
I’m more surprised that people do have a strong preference to be honest... you can’t control it and there’s a 50% chance you’ll be disappointed, what’s the point in having a preference?

Autumnintheair0 · 01/08/2018 16:08

Ghanagirl i don’t think so. If I was to be honest all I want is my two children to be healthy.
If I have another ds, then ds1 has a brother.
If I have a dd I get to parent a child of each sex.
I don’t really feel it’s a win or lose situation.

MimiSunshine · 01/08/2018 16:11

People are just dumb.

I have a girl, am not pregnant but upon watching my bf play with her someone made the comment of “you need a boy”. WTF?

I had wanted a boy if we have a 2nd, for many silly reasons in the way that I’d slightly wanted a girl first time.
But now I feel like a boy would make my daughter redundant for my bf in the minds of others (not in my bf’s mind, he adores her).

I had a preference for a boy because I couldn’t imagine another girl fitting into my heart without seeming to replace my daughter (stupid and illogical) but now I think I hope we have two girls. In a FU to all those dont think girls are good enough

TheCag · 01/08/2018 16:13

I remember really wanting ds2 to be another boy. The boys are so close now, they kiss and cuddle and miss each other when one is at school. Hopefully they will be close forever, it’s such a lovely bond.
I’m expecting dc3 now and have had plenty of ‘trying for a girl?’ comments. A girl would be lovely, but I’d be over the moon with another boy too.

0lgaDaPolga · 01/08/2018 16:13

I get this. I have a boy and I’m pregnant with my second, also a boy. I’ve had a lot of negative comments like, ohh are you disappointed, will you try again for a girl etc, 2 boys what a handful. I just tell them I’m delighted to be having another boy and have no intention of trying again. It is really annoying and I feel very defensive of my 2nd boy already. It’s hurtful that people are noticeably disappointed he is a boy, including my mil who kept banging on about how she was hoping for a girl. 2 healthy babies is wonderful regardless of the sex. I love boys and I’m so looking forward to having both of them grow up together.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 01/08/2018 16:14

I don't think you can. If you tell people you're fine with it they will just think you're putting on a brave face! I'd just say you don't know and avoid the discussion. For some reason one of each is seen by a lot as the idel (boy first) and especially if that's what they have they can't see why people wouldn't agree.

On my second pregnancy when I said I was having another girl I got 'you must be gutted', and two people telling me after their first (girl) they tried 'extra hard' for a boy. And the predictable 'don't worry you can try again for a boy'.

People are crazy!

VioletCharlotte · 01/08/2018 16:14

I've got two boys (19 and 17 now) and I love it! They're so funny and make me laugh so much. Yes, they're messy and noisy, etc, etc, but wouldn't change them for the world.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 01/08/2018 16:14

*ideal

ShutTheEffingDoor · 01/08/2018 16:16

Ghanagirl
I think if people are honest most would like to have one of each sex if they could choose.

I think you're wrong.

SoyDora · 01/08/2018 16:16

and two people telling me after their first (girl) they tried 'extra hard' for a boy

Grin what on earth did they do that they think could possibly have made a difference?!

TakeOffYourJudgyPants · 01/08/2018 16:16

I have 4 girls, it works both ways or at least has in my experience

YearOfYouRemember · 01/08/2018 16:18

I had issues too. I had a boy then a girl so people were confused why I was having another one what with having the holy grail Hmm.

bobsandvagene · 01/08/2018 16:20

Yep unwanted bump comments and gender comments are standard sadly

Roomba · 01/08/2018 16:22

I have two boys. Tbh it never occurred to me even once that DS2 would be a girl (well, I knew it was possible but I just knew). I got a similar reaction from a few people when I told them I was having another boy. My mother even said 'Oh, that's a shame'!

I think some people assume women want daughters to play dress up and go shopping with. That seems to be what my mother envisaged me missing out on anyway. I never enjoyed doing that stuff as a child and I really don't as an adult, so why she thought this is beyond me. I love having two boys! Despite their occasional squabbles, they are very close, would do anything for each other and are both great fun to be around.

I wouldn't want one of each sex if I could choose and I'm totally honest. For many reasons.

Pitapotamus · 01/08/2018 16:24

I have three boys and I feel gutted not to have had a girl even though my boys are beyond awesome. All individuals and completely different from one another. I wonder if the constant questions from society in general and the head tilts and the “If you go for a fourth it could be another boy you know” type remarks that contribute to my feelings that life isn’t quite complete without a daughter.

I try to ignore it all but it is very difficult. Thankfully ds3 has been a complete delight in every possible way and I think that has helped me to move past the comments.

I even get bothered by the “boys are great/ I love boys /boys are more affectionate” type comments because it feels like people are pitying me.

Shenanagins · 01/08/2018 16:26

My only gripe of having two boys very close in age is sorting the laundry as all too often they end up with the wrong things😀. Apart from that, they are great as they are so close to each other.

thecatsarecrazy · 01/08/2018 16:27

I have 3 boys. People make stupid comments. I was hoping for a 3rd boy. I had a name picked out that i loved and even imagined how he would look. I wasn't disappointed. He's lovely

KoshaMangsho · 01/08/2018 16:27

Erm no. I never wanted one of each. Because based on my anecdotal experience same sex siblings get on a bit better (I am sure that’s not true always). I have two boys and no one has ever said anything. Both are quite well behaved and one is quite shy and quiet so I don’t get the ‘they must be a handful’ comment as well and if I ever have I have said, ‘no not at all, they are both well behaved.’ And given DS2 spent many weeks in a neonatal ICU I doubt anyone with an ounce of sense was going to comment on whether I was ‘disappointed’ by him. And if they had I would have not been able to be civil.

PiggyPlumPie · 01/08/2018 16:29

DC1 is a girl. When pg again, all the comments were about hoping for a bit. At the time all I could see was me with two girls. Of course, DC2 was a boy. I was thrilled.

When pg for a third time, many people questioned why I was having another when I already had one of each. DC3 is a girl and I still say that I am not done yet.

I don't think there is any malice intended - folk don't think before they speak.

My niece has recently had her third boy. I know she would have loved a girl but when she told me she was having another boy I was really enthusiastic for her sake. She would have been devastated if I had voiced anything negative.

thecatsarecrazy · 01/08/2018 16:29

I did feel a bit upset though when my bil and his g.f had twin girls. Its always going to sting a little knowing i will never have a daughter

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