To be disturbed people think fathers rights are priority during a womans labour?

[Littlefluffyclouds0]

I’ve seen the discussion pop up loads recently, and I’ve been totally shocked by how many people (especially mothers) genuinely believe that a woman should not have the right to choose who is there witnessing her labour. So just wondering how common this view is, as I feel quite strongly she should have EVERY right.

Mainly regarding the fathers rights - I’ve seen so many people passionately defending the right of the father to ‘experience’ the woman’s labour and her birthing their child. With absolutely no regard for the woman’s wellbeing, the fact stress hormones can stall labour and make it much more painful, the fact there could be complications and the fact that she is in labour and should be treated with as much consideration and respect as possible. But according to many, the fathers rights to be a spectator to her labour come before everything else.

It also seems an argument which gets brought up is the fact she has had sex with him previously and therefore lost the right to have a say over her body anymore. Which I find quite a disgusting viewpoint too - often said in a graphic way by the person using that as a point..

I feel like it’s worth a mention that I have no personal bias - I very much wanted my ex at the birth and felt completely comfortable with it. But the thought that there are many who would have forced me to have him there against my wishes is really disturbing to me.

Obviously this is totally not related to once the child is born - but the labour and birth itself.

AIBU to think it should be the labouring women’s choice who she has with her during the birth, or should fathers have the ‘right’ to be there regardless of the woman’s wishes?

Where have you heard this?

I haven’t seen this.

Nobody has any rights except the Mother.

I don't know how any one could think any differently.

I haven't seen this mentioned once.

Faith in humanity slightly restored!

Mostly on Facebook groups - two posts within the last few days on groups with thousands of members, where the most ‘liked’ comments were from the fathers rights brigade. Mentioned to a close friend who also had the exact same view, and a family member who had the same view except in cases where there was abuse.

Can you link to any threads where this has happened?

I’ve never read anything remotely like this.

Yes, it is the woman’s right to have who she wants there. No hospital would allow anyone to attend if the labouring woman didn’t want them there. It’s not a spectator sport!

I've never heard anyone say a mother should be forced to have the father watch against her will? Especially if they weren't together, how degrading would that be?

PurpleDaisies - it’s closed FB groups and personal conversations I’ve had. But in a thread on Facebook with hundreds of comments there werent a huge number advocating for the mother.. really shocked me to read

I’ve never read anything but support for the mothers choice in labour.
Would be interested to see the attempted justification for gate crashing a woman in labour.

Thecag, Trinity - my thoughts exactly. One scorned father who ‘persuaded’ his ex into letting him being at the labour was arguing that he only sat in the corner and didn’t interact with her (despite her not wanting him there at all) and had the cheek to say the topic ‘triggered’ him

OP I've seen it on here - when a mother-to-be wants just her mother present during labour and FtoB says his mother should be allowed to be there too. Posters supporting him and saying things like well it's his baby too/it's their grandchild too. Mind boggling!!

YANBU. Birth is a medical event. The needs of the patients outweigh anything anyone else has/wants, /needs.

Facebook is not the bastion of rational thought. Anyone who thinks that men have priority over women in labour is a fool at best.

I sort of agree,. Its the woman's choice who is in the room with her during labour, yes. I do think though that providing the father has not been abusive to the mother then he has a right to be outside the hospital ward ready to meet new lil one. However I know of someone's brother got a girl pregnant from pof, she ended it with him and ran off with another man who she had at the birth and the father wasn't allowed to meet the child until he was five days old. That is bang out of order in my opinion, so in that way no a mother does not have the right to choose someone to be there to spite the father, but that is an extreme case.

Notsoright - impossible to get your head around isn’t it. The worst part was that some of the most vocal people were mothers, it baffles me someone can go through labour and not have any empathy for other women labouring, and their wishes.

The most upvoted comment on a thread yesterday was ‘if the man was there at conception he has the right to be there at the birth’.... whaaat? had a large number of likes/loves and replies in agreement.

I think it’s the ‘they had sex at one point therefore she has no rights anymore’ argument which makes me feel sickened. And always said in a really graphic way describing sex, ‘she spread her legs/enjoyed having sex with him so she can’t complain about him being present for the birth’

Really glad the consensus is the opposite so far on MN. Felt really deflated after reading it all.

This has never been the case during any of my labours, I was always asked who i wanted in with me and if id said no to him being there the medical staff would've asked him to say out of the delivery suite. There is no basis for these arguments wherever they are being had.

Mother's rights always who she has in with her in labour, I never heard this

I actually saw something that sounded like what you're describing on here the other day. I'll see if I can find the thread.

Oh and I have seen plenty of threads where men are trying to override the woman's choice of who is there because his family want to pull up some chairs and get out the popcorn at her delivery. The overwhelming opinion of people on MN though is "Fuck a bunch of that."

Oh hell no. Thankfully no midwife would ever let anyone you didn’t want there in! But tbh even the stress of having people try to turn up and get in on the action could have a really detrimental effect on the process of labour. Mums absolutely must feel safe and secure when labouring. That is the only priority.

The mother has all the rights. That doesn’t mean that under all circumstances her exercising of those rights is right or fair. If a woman with no body issues or embarrassment bars a man who is an exemplary, supportive and kind husband ‘ just because I say so’ she’s note exactly going to have a huge band of cheerleaders.

A mother whose partner is unsupportive,unreliable, unfaithful and casts aspertions the child’s parentage then quite frankly he can take his rights and stick them up his arse.

It’s all relative.

Winter Bella - The discussions were mostly based around the fact the father should have the right to be there (and comments from men feeling scorned and hard done by at not automatically having that right ) it’s been the same for me too and thankfully medical professionals put the woman first.

I have very strong views about this.

Childbirth is not a spectator sport. If anyone, and I do mean anyone, isn’t there to help the mother and baby, then they shouldn’t be there at all.

I personally would feel that I was being U if I banned my lovely, supportive DH from the birth. He'd be very hurt. But if he was an ex I'd feel differently!