To be disturbed people think fathers rights are priority during a womans labour?

[Littlefluffyclouds0]

I’ve seen the discussion pop up loads recently, and I’ve been totally shocked by how many people (especially mothers) genuinely believe that a woman should not have the right to choose who is there witnessing her labour. So just wondering how common this view is, as I feel quite strongly she should have EVERY right.

Mainly regarding the fathers rights - I’ve seen so many people passionately defending the right of the father to ‘experience’ the woman’s labour and her birthing their child. With absolutely no regard for the woman’s wellbeing, the fact stress hormones can stall labour and make it much more painful, the fact there could be complications and the fact that she is in labour and should be treated with as much consideration and respect as possible. But according to many, the fathers rights to be a spectator to her labour come before everything else.

It also seems an argument which gets brought up is the fact she has had sex with him previously and therefore lost the right to have a say over her body anymore. Which I find quite a disgusting viewpoint too - often said in a graphic way by the person using that as a point..

I feel like it’s worth a mention that I have no personal bias - I very much wanted my ex at the birth and felt completely comfortable with it. But the thought that there are many who would have forced me to have him there against my wishes is really disturbing to me.

Obviously this is totally not related to once the child is born - but the labour and birth itself.

AIBU to think it should be the labouring women’s choice who she has with her during the birth, or should fathers have the ‘right’ to be there regardless of the woman’s wishes?

Eugh, they have zero right to be there thankfully. Yet again it’s men putting themselves at the top of the pile thinking their “rights” are more important than a labouring woman’s, and never mind that a harder labour can’t also be more stressful for the baby. They probably think they have a right to take photos of their human incubator as she gives birth too. Revolting men.

The mother has all the rights. That doesn’t mean that under all circumstances her exercising of those rights is right or fair. If a woman with no body issues or embarrassment bars a man who is an exemplary, supportive and kind husband ‘ just because I say so’ she’s note exactly going to have a huge band of cheerleaders.

She'd have at least one.

Being present during the birth of one's child isn't a reward for good behaviour. If a woman feels she's not going to be as comfortable or labour as well with her partner there, that is plenty of reason. Just as a woman may have a partner who is objectively a dick but she feels his presence will assist her would be quite right to ask him to be present. Fairness doesn't come into it. Because bodily autonomy.

Some of the attitudes I've seen towards labouring and post partum women have really disturbed me.

Sadly, there is still the "all being well, blah blah blah" brigade out there.

Childbirth is something the woman does to complete the reproductive process, and she hopes to be alive at the end, with a live baby. They are the primary considerations, not someone else's right to "watch". If I wanted to be alone giving birth, I would insist on this, and I'm happily married!

I haven't seen these arguments either.
I like to think I was helpful and supportive to DW in labour but it was her right to have me there rather than my right to be there IYSWIM.

I’ve seen women, whose partners have insisted on their mothers being present. Disgusting behaviour. Just another example of misogyny at its best.

I wouldn't want a partner to witness me give birth (unless it was a rushed birth on bathroom floor lol), because I feel like it is a female experience. The only person I'd want is my mum/sister who went through birth too (and medical staff for the drugs haha). I don't know why, I definitely don't think a partner has a right to my experience especially when I am at my most venerable.

I would never have a partner's mother there as the expected norm.

What? I've never met anyone who feels a father has a right to attend the birth. He doesn't. The person giving birth gets to decide who is there.

Er I had the same argument with a man yesterday and he was saying because he and his wife stared into each others eyes the whole time (wtf yuck) that he doesn't understand a woman who doesn't want the man there. Smug shit head wouldn't understand why some women wouldn't want someone who they don't feel comfortable with there

I mean, that's fine. He's allowed not to understand. Just as long as he doesn't think his lack of understanding has anything to do with anything.

If DH had stared into my eyes the whole time he would have been out.

As it was he nearly delivered one so he was pretty useful.

My partner would have been devastated if I’d banned him from the birth of our DD.

Completely agree with you OP, and in fact would go further and say that all aspects of pregnancy and birth should be controlled by the woman. This would include having who she wants at scans and antenatal appointments , and the woman having control over who is told what about her pregnancy, and when they’re told.

On MN it is usually more the case that the father should be forced to be there whether or not he wants to be! DH wasn’t at either of our DCs births, because he didn’t want to be and a reluctant birth partner is no use to anyone.

strawberrisc
But that’s not a good enough reason to allow him to be present. It should have been because you wanted him there. I wanted my dh there, not my mother so I disagree with pps, who say it’s a strictly women’s experience.

A man in my GP practise baby group said that men should have as much say as women on whether they breast feed and he was very upset that his ex had formula fed without his permission!

He was swiftly set straight by the health visitor and never came again :)

I know of someone's brother got a girl pregnant from pof, she ended it with him and ran off with another man who she had at the birth and the father wasn't allowed to meet the child until he was five days old..a mother does not have the right to choose someone to be there to spite the father, but that is an extreme case

Jesus wept. A relationship ends, a new relationship is formed and wanting that new person there to support you can only be out of spite? Are you actually serious?

I've never heard this, the father has no right to be there and should only be there if the birthing woman requests him to be present.

In my opinion the only person that gets a vote to who is there for her labour is the labouring woman.

Her body her decision.

I don’t think this is about women banning people from the birth.
It’s about people thinking the father should be there as a right
That to me is horrific, and I’m so glad that it’s not the case here. The only one with the ‘right’ to be be in the room should be the woman giving birth.

I has this when DD2 was born (although the speed of her birth meant all plans were abandoned). Ex and I had split up while I was pregnant and it was very acrimonious.

I didn’t want him in the rook while I was labouring and pretty much everyone was aghast at how cruel I was being. Literally the only person who said “well you can’t blame her” was actually his mum.

On MN it is usually more the case that the father should be forced to be there whether or not he wants to be!

You must be reading different threads from the ones read as I've never seen any comment like that.

I think unless there is a good reason not to have partners present they should be present for birth, it's their baby too, where there has been abuse, acrimonious split etc it's a completely different story

Also this idea of a partner there as spectator is odd. Partner should be there as physical and emotional support (and so I've got someone's fingers to break when the pain gets too much)