Are we being unreasonable re: baby names or are they?

[HelpMeOutHereASecond]

I'm pregnant, almost 6 months now. We don't know the sex and not through lack of trying. My husband's brothers on/off girlfriend is also pregnant, due a boy imminently.

Since forever, husband has always wanted to name a future son [X name] after his grandfather. Our hypothetical son has always (for years) been going to be called [X name] [Y name], after both of our grandfathers.

When we found out that BiL was expecting a baby (not himself, obviously) we had a word (she was literally 6 weeks pregnant, it's been clear right from the start) and made it clear that we were trying and that this was and had always been our plan regarding naming a boy. We also told them the name we would choose for a girl too. We haven't deviated from these names from the start. Our baby will be either, or, depending on the sex.

Tonight husband gets a text from his brother to say the on/off girlfriend (part of me suspects that it's actually him - they've been very quiet on discussing name ideas for a long time now) really wants to use [X name]. We cannot swap the names around either - they already have a son called [Y name].

We're not wrong to be angry/upset/pissed off/all of the above, right?

Whatever happens with the names, it sounds like there’s going to be some resentment on both sides. Two families, an older child, two newborns and associated sleep deprivation, plus festering resentment, all in a 3 bed semi- I think family relations have the potential to get a lot more strained.

Time for BiL to move his family out I reckon.

How come BIL is living with you instead of with gf and baby? Have I missed something?

If they do use it (hopefully they wont) I wouldn’t call my son the exact same name as my very close nephew either. Sorry but that’s weird. So your nephews are Arthur Smith and William Smith and you call your son Arthur William Smith... give him his own identity! Use it as a middle name instead. Hopefully they won’t use it though! Although sorry i don’t think you get first dibs

OP, can't you just use the two names as middle names and then choose something else for the first name?

I understand you're disappointed but IMO a child should have their own first name rather than recycling someone else's, and middle names can be used to honour family members.

Leroy the "SIL" first baby is by someone else, not the OP BIL.

I think the fatal error you made here was telling them in the first place to be honest, they might never have thought of it without you making a big fuss and doing this :

Well I live in one where I don't turn someone else's pregnancy news into a discussion about me TTC & what baby names I will be using!

Which probably pissed the GF off no end

Lesson learned for DC2 perhaps

Dh has nine cousins and those cousins have sixteen kids between them. We have three.

There are two cousins with the same middle name and one other has her great grandparents first name while her cousin has it as a middle name. Amazing not more duplications.

Use the name you want but do tell them you are definitely going to.

Could you not have William Arthur instead?

I think the other nephew is already William?

I totally see your point and I would be steaming in your position. I think they are being really cheeky knowing they can use the name as their baby is due first. People on here can trivialize it as much as they like, but you and your DH had your hearts set on something and it's been taken away from you through no fault of your own.
I'd had a word with the GF, you have nothing to lose.
Good luck.

Lesson learned for DC2 perhaps

RTFT!

Anyone else wondering what dh's name is that is very close to William but not quite!? Willyum? Will I am?

I did RTFT thanks and my point stands that next time she is pregnant she is better off not advertising her chosen names, she has a standing DD name, but that could change, and no announced name for a 2nd DS.

You can't have read it properly then as the OP has already said this is more than likely her only pregnancy.

She has explained that there is very unlikely to be another child.

Then apologies for missing that detail.

Ihavenoideaatall, it could be Willem, Wilhelm, Wilson, Guillaume, Gwilym, Guillermo or something.

Then apologies for missing that detail.

The 'detail' that makes your advice redundant.

If you knew you were definitely having a boy I could see your point. As it stands if they didn't use the name and then you didn't actually have a boy.....

Of course GF could be winding you up and have no intention of using it all once baby arrives

I don’t really see it’s an issue, I have two nieces with the same name. No one cares!

Dh had a name picked for a future ds since he was young (his best friend’s name). I remember his sister asking when she was pregnant if it was a boy could they use the name. Dh said no problem but we would still use it if we had a son in the future too. It was no big deal at all.

Arthur William is a lovely name OP.
Please do let us know if you end up with a boy or girl and how the names work out. Congratulations too

Art and Artie are regularly used here.

I feel sorry for him as everyone knows it was his cousins name originally and when any one asks his name the reply is REALLY? And usually either a look to me or a 'ooft' or 'wow how do you feel about that mumonrun

Soooo, you called your kid the same name as someone else had called theirs, you must have told the entire town she "stole your name"? Because it wasn't your kids name first, it was the other ones. You look like you stole hers.
They all think you're bonkers by the way, not her!

JacquesHammer Wed 01-Aug-18 10:43:32
Surely some of the issue arises from you telling them that you'll already be using the name of BIL's first child if I've read that correctly

BIL is not the father of the GF's first child.

On top of that background, and given that the relationship between BIL and the GF is apparently on again-off again, I suspect the cousins won't see much of each other after a few years and having the same name won't be an issue.

Does your nephew William have your bils surname? If not, I would use William. It sounds as if the gf has made her decision. Don’t fall out with bil over it, he doesn’t really have a choice in the end as they’re not married.

You can call their bluff if you wish. But it doesn’t sound as if the gf is invested in the family so it will make bugger all difference really.

Under no circumstance call your child the same name as your bils children. Imagine if either one of them goes off the rails in a big way, your child will be assumed to be that child and it will then affect their prospects in adulthood.

Ultimately giving your child the best chance in life is far more important than giving him - if indeed it is a boy - the name you have fallen in love with. You will love your child with all your heart and right now you cannot imagine just how much. If I could have my time again, I’d choose a different name for my dd, but Dh and I didn’t dare think about a name until the pregnancy was well along the way and it was all a blur - dd was ivf. All of this “my only chance” stuff. Well it is what it is. I get that one too. I also have an only child due to my ailing health.