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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are we being unreasonable re: baby names or are they?

324 replies

HelpMeOutHereASecond · 01/08/2018 02:17

I'm pregnant, almost 6 months now. We don't know the sex and not through lack of trying. My husband's brothers on/off girlfriend is also pregnant, due a boy imminently.

Since forever, husband has always wanted to name a future son [X name] after his grandfather. Our hypothetical son has always (for years) been going to be called [X name] [Y name], after both of our grandfathers.

When we found out that BiL was expecting a baby (not himself, obviously) we had a word (she was literally 6 weeks pregnant, it's been clear right from the start) and made it clear that we were trying and that this was and had always been our plan regarding naming a boy. We also told them the name we would choose for a girl too. We haven't deviated from these names from the start. Our baby will be either, or, depending on the sex.

Tonight husband gets a text from his brother to say the on/off girlfriend (part of me suspects that it's actually him - they've been very quiet on discussing name ideas for a long time now) really wants to use [X name]. We cannot swap the names around either - they already have a son called [Y name].

We're not wrong to be angry/upset/pissed off/all of the above, right?

OP posts:
CrabbityRabbit · 01/08/2018 11:47

Hopefully it will all work out then.

Trinity66 · 01/08/2018 11:48

Could you do a variation of the grandfathers name? for example I have a friend and the name John is one that gets passed along she called her son John and her brother called his son Evan which is the Welsh for John

mumontherunnn · 01/08/2018 11:49

@catlady34 of course, I chose it 7 years ago and no one was going to change that despite the cheekfuckery.

Funny thing is the mother was really unhappy about it as it was her sons name - that is called tough shit in my book. If you didn't want boys having the same name then don't use the name I am going to, simple.

Trinity66 · 01/08/2018 11:49

Oh sorry just seen your update, problem sorted then

BertrandRussell · 01/08/2018 12:00

Love the idea that Mumsnet is full of threads about how awful it would be to have two children with the same name in the class, but on this thread people are encouraging to go ahead with the idea of two children with the same first and last name out of sheer bloody mindedness!

MikeUniformMike · 01/08/2018 12:02

What is the name?
Is it Balonz?

Original poster
HelpMeOutHereASecond · 01/08/2018 12:04

@MikeUniformMike you got me. It's outing but we think very fondly of old Papa Baloney, God rest his soul

It's not Balonz...

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 01/08/2018 12:08

Just tell us the names! You've already outed yourself to anyone that knows you I expect Grin

Peppapogstillonaloop · 01/08/2018 12:11

I actually don’t think you are being at all unreasonable. Of all the million names they could choose the only one they like is the one they know full well you want. For your likely only child.

I don’t get this whole you can’t reserve a name bollocks, my sister loved a name for years it was always going to Be her daughters so despite loving it to I didn’t use it for my (born several years earlier) child because it would have upset her. That’s what helps maintain friendly sibling relations surely?! Some of you have really weird ideas about what constitutes acceptable behaviour.

Original poster
HelpMeOutHereASecond · 01/08/2018 12:12

@Peppapogstillonaloop we liked a girl's name but immediately discounted it on the basis that BiL has a dog with the same name!!

OP posts:
SillyLittleBiscuit · 01/08/2018 12:14

If you never have a boy then the name won't be used at all? The better way of honouring the Grandfather is to make sure someone is named after him I think.

Original poster
HelpMeOutHereASecond · 01/08/2018 12:15

@GreatDuckCookery to be fair, I did use all my computer literacy to name change which I feel requires some sort of medal or at least a certificate of achievement or something.

Our chosen name for a boy is Arthur William and has been forever (as in back when we were teenagers before Arthur had its revival, rather than the slightly haggard 30-somethings we are now!).

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 01/08/2018 12:18

Thanks. Arthur William is not an unusual name, and two Arthur Surname cousins is not ideal but it will be fine.

JessieMcJessie · 01/08/2018 12:19

Must have been a really amazing Grandad!

boobiequestion · 01/08/2018 12:23

Arthur is lovely. Smile I can see why you don't want to change your name.

Just stick with it op. You've told them the name you liked first, they also like it and are going with it. Which they are allowed to do, even if it's a bit shitty IMO.

You are also allowed to go for the same name, plus you're only a couple of months apart and lots of people refer to the baby as their name before they are born from 20 weeks now. Its not like their child is about 10 and you've picked the same name!!

Original poster
HelpMeOutHereASecond · 01/08/2018 12:25

@JessieMcJessie they both were and both very influential in our lives respectively. Both myself and husband grew up without a father figure and both grandfathers became the male role models

OP posts:
BewareOfDragons · 01/08/2018 12:27

Oddly, I thought you posted it was a name that couldn't be shortened easily. I knew a couple of 'Arts' and 'Arties' who were 'Arthurs'... not keen on any of them, tbh ... but there are possibilities there for nns.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy, OP. Hope it runs smoothly for you and the baby.

ElementalHalfLife · 01/08/2018 12:28

You weren't even pregnant and you don't even know if you're having a boy, yet you get to dictate what your ILs do or don't name their baby? What if you have a girl? The name gets reserved until such time if ever you do have a boy or no one gets to use the name ever? And now we have a dripfeed it turns out BIL doesn't actually care and it's just the gf being difficult? They were expecting first, they are definitely having a boy, BIL has the same right to honor grandpa as your DH and you are being ridiculous.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 01/08/2018 12:34

Arthur William is fab.

Baffy · 01/08/2018 12:44

Regardless of what any of us think the main thing is that this is upsetting you and DH.

If DH is as close to BIL as you say then he should continue to explain what this means to you both. Hopefully BIL will understand and insist to GF that they use it as a middle name instead.
If not, then I guess there will be 2 baby Arthur's very soon!

Good luck!

bobdylannumber1 · 01/08/2018 12:47

My mum has 3 sisters and 2 brothers 2 of her sisters and 1 brother have sons all called by grandads name (nice but common name)my younger brother also babtised this name but called by his middle name none of my mamas siblings cared,my cousins on other side of family both have sons called same name not a family name neither care but live miles apart, I don't think you can really solely own a name

heartsease68 · 01/08/2018 12:50

at no point did we say they couldnt use the names

You're being a bit disingenuous there because they feel they can use the names and you're annoyed about it.

I don't think you're being reasonable. No one has first dibs on a name, especially a family name.

dustarr73 · 01/08/2018 13:02

at no point did we say they couldnt use the names

Really ,cause i thought that was the point over lunch.Dont use the names we have picked.

diddl · 01/08/2018 13:17

WEll if BIL doesn't want to use it then why would his son be called it?

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 01/08/2018 13:41

Arthur is a lovely name.