Can i (a dad) get my toddlers Vaccination jabs done without the mothers consent?

[TheUnknowner]

Basically what it says in the title.

My soon to be wife is dead against it as she believes all that crap on the Internet about it causing autism etc

I called the doctors and she told me i would need her consent but to be honest she sounded like she just wanted to get me off the phone or maybe didn't actually know.

He is 2 in a few weeks and honestly i forgot all about it until something reminded me.

Surely being the dad i should be able to get it done i doubt she would need my consent if it was the other way around right?

I would get the vaccinations done as measles is already on the increase Europe and they have been deaths.

I would also tell your DP that you have done it so that
a) you aren’t keeping secrets
b) she is aware if he gets a reaction
c) she can’t go around telling everyone her DC is fine even though he hasn’t had any jabs when the next epidemic happens

If your wife is the primary carer or if you chip in equally? The primary carer (whether Mum or Dad) who spends the most time with the child and the bulk of childcare, appointments, up in the night etc should really be in agreement with any medical procedures and arguably gets the final say.

An unvaccinated child is just as likely to die of measles whichever child is the primary carer.

The child's health and safety should trump all other concerns.

• whichever parent is the primary carer!

I have said this on other streams here: the triple wasn't used until about the mid 1980's My dc was inoculated but is within the spectrum as is one of her overseas cousins who is older both could be described as having Aspergers my dn was only sent for diagnosis after I visited them & had recently had my dc diagnosis age 16 he was older. the diagnostic criteria for Autism until about 1980 was only for the more severe form & only after that were people with "Aspergers/HFA" included but it was not considered a priority & most GP etc had no experience in ASD. Which is why there was a need for the Autism Act in 2009 (& other similar Acts in places like NZ) for adults who had not previously been diagnosed. hence the artificial temporary increase. There was no increase in incidence just an increase in diagnosis & contrary to what a lot of the info spread is not ongoing the number has stabilized although there is a lot of adults who are still waiting for diagnosis.

sorry important mistype My dc was NOT inoculated nor was her cousin. Even the discredited researcher only suggested the triple.

I just got dd vaccinated. Dh wasn’t against it though. Regarding the autism thing. My take is that in the situation, where people claim vaccinations bring on autism is that it can’t be actual autism but perhaps autism like symptoms. If this is the case, then it would logically be possible to reverse those symptoms. There are enough anecdotal articles of parents claiming to cure their children on line for you to show your partner and to agree a plan if your child gets an autism like illness from a vaccination. Have you never tried to discuss something along these lines with her?

I also think you should put your child’s health before your relationship.

There was a similar thread recently with the dad being the anti vaxxer and the consensus was to do it and keep quiet

So, same as this one then?

Well i would not make it mandatory to have vaccines as thats wrong. I would make it a legal requirement for all child care places and schools require them to be vaccinated (health exclusions allowed) before they can attend.

I have a problem with being forcing parents to vaccinate but i would happily make there lives harder to protect others.

Oh you wont vac your child all childcare and schools are now closed too you. You dont want to vaccinate your child you dont have the right to endanger others with your choice if that means you have to give up work as no childcare for you or having to homeschool thats ypur choice

Well i would not make it mandatory to have vaccines as thats wrong. I would make it a legal requirement for all child care places and schools require them to be vaccinated (health exclusions allowed) before they can attend.

The problem with that in some cases is that the hippy dippy anti-vax parent will decide to home-school their child (and in my friend's case, use it as an excuse for why she "can't" work and needs more financial support).

mumsastudent
Exactly, it’s knowledge of the existence and characteristics of autism, which as increased. Anecdotally my fil is 99.9% sure on the spectrum. Always whispered about by the family as being a bit “odd”. It wasn’t until I learnt about autism that I could say, wow, yes, that’s just like him. He’s never going to be diagnosed btw. Dh and I would never upset him by telling him we think he may have autism and needs tests as it would serve no purpose. He’s happy and coping just fine in his little bubble. From what I’ve read in aspergers (I know it’s not called that now) I also wonder if my mil had aspergers as she only stopped talking to draw breath or sleep and even eating didn’t stop her.

My husband has taken our DS for most of his jabs and has never been questioned.

I'm not usually an advocate of someone going behind their partners back but this is far too important. She is wrong and you are acting in the best interests of your child.

Get your child vaccinated!!

@TheUnknowner I'm assuming your child's notes will indicate the parents are not consenting to vaccines as he has already missed so many if he's almost two. I'm sure this will set off alarm bells/concerns. If I were you I would try though as it's so important for the health of your child.

It is likely if you had done this from the first set of immunisations you would have been able to get away with it so to speak.

My husband has taken our son for his immunisations and didn't need my consent (as he shouldn't) but he has always had them as directed.

mummyoflittle dragon (love the name :) ) thank you - it drives me nuts having to say this again & again. Honestly, I could write a blog/essay on this & go further & deeper into other reasons! If you can find it there is a series of Research by Bearman & King et al 2009 which actually researches increase in diagnosis www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19737791
basically this research shows that networking by parents on what constitutes a diagnosis & which doctor is experienced in ASD increases diagnosis.

This myth makes me so cross. My father in law would have been 94 if he was still alive and a more Aspie person you could not have met. My husband and sons are all Aspies and the only one who had the triple vaccine was my eldest son. My younger son had separate ones as we were in the states at the time and that's all his paediatrician offered. When are people going to stop and think about this logically. OP I would go and get your LO vaccinated and thank you for being a responsible parent. The only person I knew from home education groups who did not vaccinate was very upset when her twin boys got themselves vaccinated at 14 but she got over it.

@Debfronut

Thank you. She will get over it i was only here to ask if i can do this without her consent as the woman on the phone at the doctors didn't seem to me like she knew and information on the Internet is either old or confusing.

I have booked him in for friday so i've got the day off work and ill take him swimming before.

You are doing the right thing. Like I said my DH has taken DS for his a couple of times and there's never been an issue.

This is too important to neglect

I realise this is not a helpful comment practically, but THIS is why it’s never a great idea to set up a life with someone whose views are fundamentally at odds with your own. What’s done is done, and I wouldn’t suggest this is a relationship ended or something dramatic like that. But when having kids and getting married to someone I wouldn’t want such a fundamental difference in views. I couldn’t have married an anti-vaxxer or had kids with them!

You're doing the right thing for your son and helping to protect more vulnerable kids. You're a good dad.

Yes you can and yes you should. And if your marriage ends over it, go for full residency of the child on the grounds that you are the more responsible parent.

Well that's what you get for breeding with an idiot I suppose. Dies it really matter that much if you ruin your relationship? You can always go get them done then hope that she comes to her senses when nothing goes wrong. But she probably won't. You are screwed regardless. In your place I would just book an appointment and get them done. It's what a good parent does.

About 2 months ago there was a thread by a mother who’s DP (baby’s dad) was dead set against vaccination and she wanted to know if she could get them done without him.

Every bloody reply was “yes, he’s a cunt, do the right thing, go behind his back, I wouldn’t want him near my child” etc ehow the fuck is this any different

It isn’t any different and I don’t think anyone has suggested it is

At 2yo it's probably already fairly clear whether he has the sort of developmental delays associated with autism - eye contact, socialilty, some verbal development. I imagine that any HCP who's seen him will have expressed any concerns over his development, if there are any.

That's irrelevant to getting actual vaccinations of course - autistic children get ill too - but if your dw is likely to start accusing you of causing x because you got him vaccinated, you will be in a stronger position to defend yourself if you make yourself aware of any issues now.

Vaccines aren't 100% safe.
There is always a small percentage of children who react badly to them so you have to decide if you're willing to take the risk.
Maybe there's something in your partner's family medical history that makes her feel especially cautious?