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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can i (a dad) get my toddlers Vaccination jabs done without the mothers consent?

295 replies

TheUnknowner · 31/07/2018 00:02

Basically what it says in the title.

My soon to be wife is dead against it as she believes all that crap on the Internet about it causing autism etc

I called the doctors and she told me i would need her consent but to be honest she sounded like she just wanted to get me off the phone or maybe didn't actually know.

He is 2 in a few weeks and honestly i forgot all about it until something reminded me.

Surely being the dad i should be able to get it done i doubt she would need my consent if it was the other way around right?

OP posts:
FuckPants · 31/07/2018 08:35

Just get it done, the fallout will be her own doing.

BarbarianMum · 31/07/2018 08:39

You don't need her consent if you have parental responsibility. Dh took ds1 for his and they didn't blink.

Personally I'd put the health and wellbeing of my children before my relationship so Id havd definitely had them vaccinated whatever dh might have thought - but then ive seen the effect of diseases such as measles first hand which tends to concentrate the mind.

thebirthlyhallows · 31/07/2018 08:39

Even if the jabs did cause autism. Which they don't. Would she rather have a dead child than a living one with autism? I find anti vaxxers baffling

Ginger1982 · 31/07/2018 08:44

Just do it.

TheGoldenWolfFleece · 31/07/2018 08:45

I would just do it.

Fluffycloudland77 · 31/07/2018 08:45

There was a similar thread recently with the dad being the anti vaxxer and the consensus was to do it and keep quiet.

StepAwayFromGoogle · 31/07/2018 08:46

^^ This!

OP, immunisations are there to stop your child DYING from horrid, communicable diseases. Take your DC to get them immunised. Your DW's ridiculous opinion does not trump medical fact or your perspective either.

MrsBertBibby · 31/07/2018 08:47

If you know she doesn't agree of course you should not just do it.

Ask the court to decide. Apply for a specific issue order.

81Byerley · 31/07/2018 08:50

I don't know if this will help. When I was fostering there was a lot of controversy over vaccinations. As well as fostering for the LA I was also fostering for Save the Children and had children from two different families. One mother was terrified of vaccination because of all the horror stories, so I told her I'd ask the other, who was a paediatrician. She said "Tell her I've been a paediatrician for twenty years. I've never seen a child harmed by a vaccine. I've seen 3 children die from measles." The child got his vaccinations.

IDontEatFriedTurtle · 31/07/2018 08:50

He is 2 in a few weeks and honestly i forgot all about it until something reminded me.

Confused

So you're a really involved father I can see.

Why would you call an ask if you can do it without her consent of course they would say no. They'd say the same to her too.

If you actually cared you would have done it long before now and wouldn't have asked just booked your child in (at the correct time).

Strippervicar · 31/07/2018 08:53

I remember a thread the other week where it was the mum who was vaccinating against the dad's wishes. She was told to get them done without him.

Will she find out if you do it? Would it end your relationship? Can you ask her if she would be happy to potentially see her DC lying very sick in hosital with measles?

Also, autism signs and symptoms have already shown themselves by 2. (In my experience.) Vaccines do not cause autism. But you know that OP.

DobbyisFREE · 31/07/2018 08:57

Are we now to start dictating to parents that they can't bring up their children according to their wholly legal (if unpopular) beliefs just because the majority of people disagree with those beliefs?

Just because something is legal, it does not mean that it is right. I would absolutely fight to make this illegal. As far as I'm concerned it should be considered child abuse. That's before even getting into the issue of herd immunity, I feel so sorry for children that can't be vaccinated that have to live in fear because of the rising popularity of a belief based on a bunch of proven lies.

There is something seriously wrong with the belief of "Oh it's legal so that's that". It isn't. Laws do and should change with the times. Perhaps it's just not been relevant before because for most of the history of vaccines people remembered how devastating these diseases are.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 31/07/2018 08:59

Pressuredrip - out of interest, what made you convert back from being an anti vaxxer?

OP they probably won't remember the conversation about no consent. You might be able to get them to do it. However I'd try every possible avenue to persuade her first. Googling pictures of babies with meningitis etc - will not be pleasant.

The autism link has been officially proven wrong and the original study was tiny and deeply flawed and the original doctor was struck off. But you / your wife probably know this.

Look at docbastard''s twitter feed / blog - he goes through and dismisses all the popular anti vac arguments (eg one argument against is presence of formaldehyde however it naturally occurs in everyone's body in larger quantities than in vaccines and any extra is just excreted) however there is probably no arguing with stupid

Good luck

aperolspritzplease · 31/07/2018 08:59

DH took mine for theirs as I was at work, I'm fairly sure he didn't get asked if he had my consent.

It's a non-negotiable for me and I would have it done if i was you.

cricketmum84 · 31/07/2018 09:00

Technically yes you can. I took my kids for their vaccinations and they never asked for consent from the father so I don't see why it would be any different if you took him.

However I think you need to speak to your wife about it first, no matter whose opinion is deemed to be right on this post it's not something you should be doing behind her back. I'm firmly in the vaccination supporters camp but if I had asked DH to take kids for vaccinations and he hadn't taken them because of his own beliefs and it told me I would be fuming.

15star · 31/07/2018 09:02

I would do it but surely if he hasn't had any vaccinations they will want him to catch up with them as well? I would 100% try and get them all done, measles has made a come back.

abilockhart · 31/07/2018 09:03

Gotta tell you, though, OP, it's not something I would do if I valued my relationship.

There are parents out there who will step up and put the well-being of their children ahead of their relationship with an unreasonable partner.

Melamin · 31/07/2018 09:08

Which vaccinations has DC not had? Are you talking about the diphtheria and tetanus too?

Cutesbabasmummy · 31/07/2018 09:08

No one mentioned consent when I took my son to have him vaccinated! Just turned up, had the jabs and filled in the red book. I'm taking it if he;s 2 he hasn,t had any vaccinations yet?

BounceAndJump · 31/07/2018 09:09

Can you show her some facts about the illnesses?
My second daughter got pneumococcal meningitis, I didn't realise that 1 in 10 people carry the bacteria, its rare to turn into meningitis but its likely your child will be exposed to it and it can happen.
Also point out that the MMR that the autism conspiracy centers around is generally given at the age when autism will start to show signs.
I don't know of any cases where people have said the booster at preschool age (containing the same vaccines) has caused it, as that is not the age where signs would start to show.

LoveInTokyo · 31/07/2018 09:10

Your wife is an idiot.

Take your child to the GP and have them vaccinated. If they won't do it, try a private clinic.

LoveInTokyo · 31/07/2018 09:13

And to all the people saying try and persuade the wife first, the problem is that 99% of anti-vaxxers are just absolute morons who won't listen to reason, so you will never be able to convince them with facts and logic.

laptopdisaster · 31/07/2018 09:14

I'm a GP and have this exact situation with a family at work. My lawyer has advised that, now that I know that mum has refused, I can't vaccinate without a court order or her consent or she could sue me and she'd win. It's a shame you've told the GP, as usually we just vaccinate with one parent being there. Move to another GP and get it done quickly before the notes are transferred? Your wife is an idiot who is putting your child's health at risk.

Seasawride · 31/07/2018 09:15

Take your child and get it done. All of the ones he’s missed. Shockingly cavalier of both of you to behave this way.

My dd had whooping cough at 3 weeks because some selfish fucker hadn’t had their child vaccinated. She was very very ill.

Do it.

IDontEatFriedTurtle · 31/07/2018 09:18

nd to all the people saying try and persuade the wife first, the problem is that 99% of anti-vaxxers are just absolute morons who won't listen to reason, so you will never be able to convince them with facts and logic.

I know several well educated really clever anti vaxxers. Calling them absolute morons doesn't help and helps keep it underground. They have a blind spot around vaccinations the way some really intelligent well educated people have blind spots about racism, sexism, their fucking terrible life partners. People often make shit decisions.

If we all had open intelligent debates about it we'd be far better off.

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