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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can i (a dad) get my toddlers Vaccination jabs done without the mothers consent?

295 replies

TheUnknowner · 31/07/2018 00:02

Basically what it says in the title.

My soon to be wife is dead against it as she believes all that crap on the Internet about it causing autism etc

I called the doctors and she told me i would need her consent but to be honest she sounded like she just wanted to get me off the phone or maybe didn't actually know.

He is 2 in a few weeks and honestly i forgot all about it until something reminded me.

Surely being the dad i should be able to get it done i doubt she would need my consent if it was the other way around right?

OP posts:
MrsSnootyPants2018 · 02/08/2018 21:40

I'd just take them and get it done.

It's not just about your child's health but those around them also!

LoveInTokyo · 02/08/2018 21:46

Anyone who goes behind their partners back to do something they know is against their wishes is a twat!

Not if the reason why they're having to go behind their partner's back is because their partner is putting their child's life at risk with their stupidity.

You can't compromise over vaccinations and you can't argue with stupid. God knows I've tried.

The child's safety is more important than anything else.

NameWithChamge · 02/08/2018 21:58

I love the way it's assumed she is stupid! She would be stupid to marry the twat if his way of resolving this is deceit and lies.

LoveInTokyo · 02/08/2018 22:06

She is stupid because she has refused vaccinations for her child.

NameWithChamge · 02/08/2018 22:25

I don't think I know enough about her or her circumstances to call her stupid. I think she is probably taking that stance out of a loving and protective place rather than a stupid one (although of course she may be mis-informed or ill-Informed.

As a good husband to be his best option would be to gather as much information as possible and try to discuss it with her or if that fails follow the legal route to try to enforce it.

.... or do it all behind her back and end up as an ex-fiancé on Jeremy Kyle.

LoveInTokyo · 02/08/2018 22:27

Her child could die of a preventable illness because of her silliness. I think that’s enough information to be able to say she is stupid.

hottotrotsky · 02/08/2018 22:33

You are stupid Love. Who do you think you are?

Obvious this was a troll thread but illuminating nonetheless.

LoveInTokyo · 02/08/2018 22:35

I think I am someone who understands - like the entire medical community - that vaccinations (a) work, (b) are safe, and (c) are infinitely preferable to contracting a deadly but easily preventable disease.

LoveInTokyo · 02/08/2018 22:36

High time they were made compulsory to stop stupid selfish idiots putting their own and other people’s children’s lives at risk.

MayhemandMadness01 · 02/08/2018 22:38

What about paying for the seperate injections rather than the MMR - anti vaxers used to say this reduced risk of Autism. Could be a compromise solution for you both.

Kaib223 · 02/08/2018 22:41

I work in a surgery and if a father was to bring a child for vaccinations the nurse would ring the mum and ask for consent first. Unless you bring in the baby's birth certificate to prove your the father before appointment our surgery wouldn't do it. It's the same with online access the mother can register for the child to her account to order prescriptions/books appts online but the father has to prove he was either married at the time of birth or on birth certificate. Apparently parental responsibility goes automatically to the mother so it would be up to her to agree or disagree to vaccinations.

You could ring up your surgery and ask to speak to the practice manager to discuss it further.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 02/08/2018 22:53

Kaib would you ring the father if you knew he had PR If the mother came for vaccinations?

amymel2016 · 02/08/2018 22:58

My DH took my son for his MMR last week and was asked if he had my permission, I’ve wasnt asked the other way round for the first lot of jabs though.

Go and have them! She’ll thank you when her children are protected against life threatening diseases. They should be compulsory.

saratustra · 02/08/2018 23:00

Can't believe these things still happen! I'm writing a paper in scientific misconduct and the doctor who created this crap about vaccines and autism is the first example we use about false research. He (Andrew Wakefield) is been discredited ages ago and is no longer a doctor in the UK. Please tell your wife if she doesn't know!
Any way, I would take the baby for the jabs, and tell her later. Your baby's health is more important than your relationship, what your wife is doing is appalling. Good luck

Kaib223 · 02/08/2018 23:00

@NeedsAsockamnesty yes if we knew that she didn't have parental responsibility we would have to contact the father. But like I said if they aren't married the mum has PR unfortunately and I read earlier that the mum has told the nurse she doesn't consent to the vaccinations so this will be on the child's record so they aren't going to do them! The mum can sue them and would have a strong case against as they have gone totally against her word.

I agree he should be able to get the vaccs but it's just the way law is and rules in a go surgery

wonderstar1216 · 02/08/2018 23:10

They WILL ask. My DH is a sahd and i went back to work. Every time and I mean every time he has taken our ds2 into the drs for a jab or anything else they have always asked whether I give consent or whether I know they are there. And they write it in the red book.

AjasLipstick · 02/08/2018 23:27

Well OP I would be open with the Doctor and see what they say. I can't imagine a GP would be stupid enough to put your partner's irrational fears before your child's safety.

ExFury · 03/08/2018 07:02

Well OP I would be open with the Doctor and see what they say. I can't imagine a GP would be stupid enough to put your partner's irrational fears before your child's safety.

A GP cannot give an injection to a child if the know one person with PR objects.

I think the mother is wrong not to allow the vaccinations, but no gp will give them if they know a parent objects.

laptopdisaster · 03/08/2018 07:10

I can't imagine a GP would be stupid enough to put your partner's irrational fears before your child's safety.

Did you not read my previous post on this@AjasLipstick ? I am a GP and have taken legal advice on just this situation. If the practice vaccinates in the knowledge that Mum objects she could sue them and she'd win. It may not be right but it's the law. If the practice is on the ball, now that he has told them, he'll need a court order.

This is completely different to run of the mill vaccinations when consent from both parents is assumed because the practice is aware that the mother objects

AjasLipstick · 03/08/2018 15:21

Right well that's useful info Laptop thank you.

OP get a court order. I would.

LoveInTokyo · 03/08/2018 16:12

From a public policy point of view it is disappointing that when two parents with parental responsibility for a child disagree over vaccinations, the idiot anti-vaxxer gets their way unless the sensible parent gets a court order.

It should be the other way round.

Any parent with parental responsibility should be able to have their child vaccinated without having to demonstrate that they have consent from the other parent.

And the apparent discrimination in favour of mothers over fathers is pretty appalling too. There are some things where I think the mother should have the casting vote, as she's given birth to the child, but not where vaccinations are concerned. It's too important.

Jux · 03/08/2018 17:27

Where would you draw the line though, LoveinTokyo?

LoveInTokyo · 03/08/2018 17:35

I don't see how adopting that policy in relation to this issue would affect anything else, Jux.

If the parents go to court over the issue, the court will decide in favour of vaccination, in the absence of any medical contraindications which make having the vaccination more risky for the individual child than not being protected. So why put such an obstacle in their way? If the GP recommends that the child receives all the usual vaccinations and one person with parental responsibility consents to it, that should be enough. A court order is just an expensive, arduous and time consuming way of getting to the same outcome. And a child's life is at stake.

laptopdisaster · 03/08/2018 21:37

@TheUnknowner how did it go at the GP today?

Starstruck2020 · 04/08/2018 02:27

Love. I’m not taking the moral high ground. I chose to marry someone with compatible views to my own. We both knew we felt the same before DC. The OP is not married yet and if they are not on the same page about this then they should be seriously comsider the future they have together and definitely not have any more babies until they do agree.

These sorts of things should be worked out before a baby is made, obviously sometimes there are “accidents”, but if that is the case and you then discover you’re not compatible you don’t just sneak around behind their back, you work it out and own it.

And if precidents of this sneaky behaviour are set, all it will achieve is making more work for HCPs and delays in immunisations, or less children immunised because it will end up being consents need two signatures and not one. And then how many babies/children will miss out because people aren’t organised enough to get both parents to sign the form before the day, or both parents can’t present together when the immunisation is happening to both sign.

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