For thinking that this man should be banned from the shop forever?

[Ilovemuesli]

Hi,
So the following happened this morning and I am still in disbelief about it - and wholly disgusted with this man's attitude.

I was sitting in the cafe of a well-known supermarket with a couple of friends and my two month old DD. On the table in front of us were two girls, probably around 19/20 yrs old. They were caring for two boys who were about 9/10 years old and were obviously disabled - in wheelchairs e.t.c. The girls also had some jackets on with a charity logo printed on the back. Across the aisle from their table was a man and his wife having breakfast/coffee.

At one point one of the boys threw his bottle of pop in the air and it unfortunately hit the man's wife in her face. One of the girls immediately stood up to apologise, but the man started ranting and raving, swearing at the two girls who were looking after these boys and shouting at full volume that the children "should be made to leave" and that "they don't belong here". It was very upsetting for the poor children - it took a long time after the man had eventually left for the girls to calm the children down - the boy who threw the pop was particularly distressed.

The cafe assistant fetched the manager who took them aside for a private word then came to see the two girls and apologised, also saying that the wife had asked for a first aider but other than that there was nothing they could do for a genuine accident.

AIBU to still be outraged at this man's behaviour? In my opinion he should be banned from ever entering the shop again - I haven't really described everything he was shouting at them - and also me when I told him he should be ashamed of himself and his behaviour (I may have called him ignorant) It was clear that it was an accident, while I understand it won't have been nice to have had a bottle of pop hit you in the face, but demanding that the children be removed and that they don't belong in the same place as everyone else? In my opinion - he is an absolute disgraceful/disgusting human being. How dare he say that those children shouldn't be allowed in there? It was blatantly obvious that they were disabled and needed extra care, and the girl/carer had tried to apologise straightaway, but the language, the volume and the content of what he was saying is still making my blood boil nearly 11 hours later !

Sorry for the rant! Please tell me if I'm overreacting (!)

This is weird, I read almost the exact same story on my local Facebook group this morning. Except some of the details were different which kind of make the story a bit clearer. Either way the man was being unreasonable and I understand the story may have been changed to protect identity but the man's reaction is a little more understandable in the Facebook Post... Of course it could just be coincidence

@PlantsArePeopleToo - stay with us; it's nice to have some reasoned thought that isn't swollen with Jeremy Kyle-esque drama.

His wife had just taken a drinks bottle to the face. But for the children being there, his wife would not have just taken a drinks bottle to the face. Surely you can see why he chooses those words?

Because he's a dickhead.

I've been injured before in similar scenarios (several times due to particular volunteer work). It would never even have occurred to me to react like that. I don't know anyone who would.
Lots here claiming its normal though, you must have terrible friends.

sugarPlumFairly the law says different. I really hope you are not in a position to spread your views to vulnerable people.

@boynaamedsue could you screenshot it and blur out any names? Might give a different slant to the story.

I don't know anyone who would.
Lots here claiming its normal though, you must have terrible friends.

It is a normal reaction. Psychologist have discovered this through years of studying shock reactions. It doesnt matter what you have done in the past or what you think you would do in the situation.

stay with us; it's nice to have some reasoned thought that isn't swollen with Jeremy Kyle-esque drama.

I"m a teacher and I have a child with sn if you want to play top trumps.

You have no idea what is going on in this mans life or anyone else's for that matter. A little less of the judgmental attitude would be great.

Would you be saying the same if a young person started effing and blinding at middle aged person/old person? Why is it that only certain people are allowed to get away with being dickheads because they might have “something going on in their lives”?

Well the man shouldn't have shouted and said those things obviously, the children have just as much right to be there. However, the staff should be seeking further training as this shouldn't be allowed to happen either. If there is a risk of them throwing things then bottles should be placed out of reach, or choose quieter times to go in there. It's a case of balancing out the rights for everyone, and members of the public do have the right not to get hurt either. I don't think the man painted himself in a good light at all but clearly he was upset about his wife. And she may well have been ill. I think sometimes it's better to give people the benefit of the doubt under those circumstances. And no I don't think he should be banned.

funinthesun18

Would you be saying the same if a young person started effing and blinding at middle aged person/old person? Why is it that only certain people are allowed to get away with being dickheads because they might have “something going on in their lives”?

Plenty on MN do exactly that, starting with hidden disabilities then to whatever you like.

Many years my DS who was about 5 was slapped around the face by a SN child who took an instant dislike to him whilst they were in a swimming pool. The child waited until they were both in the changing room and then just slapped and tried to punch my DS. The mother of the child didn't say a word, she just pushed a card into my hand which said her child was disabled. I went bananas, she just pushed her son into his clothes and left as quickly as she could.

The thing that shocked me was that this was clearly a regular occurence hence the card and the non verbal response by her. She just didn't want to engage. I was once hit by a bottle of gin falling out of a overhead locker on a plane by an old guy who went up and down every half an hour getting something from his hand luggage. I know he was old, maybe he had dementia but it bloody hurt and I burst into tears. I shouted at him and he clearly didn't do it on purpose but honestly - those messages the crew make about being careful when taking out stuff from the bins is there for a reason.

I am always now very nervous when people are up and down every five minutes messing around with bags in the overhead lockers. Just leave it alone! Its blooming dangerous up there!

Many years ago my disabled child when in a playground was shoved over, kicked and called a baby by a child I know doesn't have sn. His mother wasn't even watching him.

SugarPlumFairly the young person did not throw a bottle at a lady - the OP made it clear that the lady was not at all targeted. It was accidental. So yes the disabled person's right to enjoy a drnk n the cafe does trump your right to never be the victim of any accident. If a child trips me up in a cafe and I break my ankle, does that mean that the child should never be allowed in a cafe again? Thought not or maybe it does if they are a disabled child or actually to be more accurate a child with learning disabilities.

@Boynamedsue that would be interesting to read, if it refers to the same incident. Perhaps you could give a synopsis of it!

OK - I would imagine that a person with learning disabilities who does not have an appropriate understanding of their actions would not be deemed to be criminally responsible if they threw a bottle randomly and it hit a person. In fact I think this is not complex at all it is common sense!

In fact I think, although I am not a legal expert, a person must have mental capacity to be deemed criminally responsible for their actions.

However, we are not discussing any criminal behaviour. We are talking about an accident with a plastic soft drinks bottle in a cafe. You would never think so to read about all the drama and bandying around of words such as aggression, throwing missiles and violence.

Throwing a bottle AT someone's face deliberately and throwing a bottle in the air randomly are two COMPLETELY DIFFERENT things. I am using capitals as you seem to be strugglng to see the difference in these two actions. To spell it out in one case there is intent and in another there isn't.