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Original poster

Getting married in jeans and a t shirt

194 replies

Bunnyattack · 29/07/2018 08:33

I hear this all the time...people saying along the lines of they would be happy to gondown the registry office in jeans and a t shirt....has anyone ever done this or not worn a transitional wedding dress??
Had a very small casual wedding??

I love the idea of it but have never actually come across anyone who has had a proper low key wedding

OP posts:
MuddyForestWalks · 29/07/2018 11:38

Please read above. I already said I have seen some meaningful and lovely tiny weddings. Nothing about what I said bears any reflection on other people's choices.

MuddyForestWalks · 29/07/2018 11:42

In fact my only strong opinion about a wedding party (the actual wedding is the ceremony, whether it's 300 people in a castle or 2 people in trackies at the registry office, the rest is just frills) is that you ought to make sure your guests have enough to eat. Can't bear a wedding party, or any party, where they are tight with the food.

BitOfFun · 29/07/2018 11:53

You're not really "sticking it to The Man" if you're getting married in the first place- why not at least make a bit of an effort for each other?

Clionba · 29/07/2018 11:57

I think recently weddings have become quite big events, people have more disposable income, have more choice, there's social media etc. There's no right or wrong way, it's what works for you. We personally had little choice, we didn't have much money to spend, but wanted to be married!

IceCreamFace · 29/07/2018 12:01

You're not really "sticking it to The Man" if you're getting married in the first place- why not at least make a bit of an effort for each other?

Seriously? Don't be so myopic! Making effort for each other means different things to different people? Not everyone wants to spend time or money on something they wouldn't enjoy! For some people feeling comfortable will make the day more special. For others the day isn't special it's just a legal formality and that's fine.

IceCreamFace · 29/07/2018 12:03

All this 'it's about the marriage for me, not the ceremony' stuff that people come out with is patronising in the extreme. Getting married was, for me, a once in a lifetime huge event and it doesn't seem disproportionate to make a bit of a fuss and have my family and friends there to celebrate.

I don't think anyone is saying that you shouldn't have a huge party - that was important for you. What they're saying is for them it's just the marriage that's important not the actual wedding. What you're saying is for you the wedding is also important. Both view points can be totally valid!

frontera · 29/07/2018 12:06

I did, not jeans because I don't wear jeans but an everyday summer dress in the registery office on my husbands lunch hour. We literally did it for a visa because we were emigrating and there were tax benefits to being married in the country we moved to. No regrets, it was just a practical thing.

ItsTooDarnHot · 29/07/2018 12:08

A friend of mine got married in jeans and a t-shirt. It was a green card wedding with just them and two witnesses, after which they all went home and snorted cocaine off a platter. Confused

MuddyForestWalks · 29/07/2018 12:16

IceCreamFace I would love it if you were right but there are people on MN and on this thread who explicitly say the big wedding is for insecure, attention seeking people, and plenty of times I have read on MN that couples who have a large wedding don't last.

After 10 years and 2 DC and various challenges along the way, if DH and I ever break up it won't be because we had a string quartet playing as I walked down the aisle Grin

Clionba · 29/07/2018 12:19

Who's saying that Muddy? If they are, just ignore it. People are free to make their own choices within their own circumstances. If you've got plenty of money and want a big do, go for it!

MuddyForestWalks · 29/07/2018 12:25

Well lindalee3 at 10.14 was the most explicit but there are loads of posts about 'fuss and nonsense', having parties where you can't even see your guests as there are too many, spending money to have your photos look the same as everyone else's, 'stupid first dance.

Hardly live and let live type comments.

gaggiagirl · 29/07/2018 12:26

We got married just the two of us plus witnesses in jeans and t shirts.
Mainly because I cannot bear my family, I wasn't close to DHs family at the time. We were poor. Im fat and look shit in dresses or any nice clothes. I was pregnant. I hate people looking at me.
Anyway we've got 3 children and are as happy as we were then.

Clionba · 29/07/2018 12:29

Ok, Muddy I didn't spot that one. I don't think that the type of wedding is an indicator of divorce! People said I'd regret not having a big dress and occasion, but 30+ years on, we're still happy. As are many people who had big events, no doubt!

IceCreamFace · 29/07/2018 12:32

MuddyForestWalks In that case I think the people who want to make you feel bad about having whatever wedding you want are silly. I'm sure some people have big weddings because they're awful narcissists just as some people have no wedding because they think they're "sticking it to the man". I had a mini wedding but have enjoyed almost all the big weddings I've been to - great opportunity to catch up with family, lovely to see the couple happy.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 29/07/2018 12:43

I really don’t like fussy overdone wedding dos,seating plans,stupid first dances,
Cliched “clever” photos that I’m then expected to purchase
I love weddings tat are relaxed.but do’s with crushing formality and prancing about are awful

Most weddings are formulaic and lack originality. It’s refreshing when a wedding actually reflects the individuals and not a regimented tick list
Seating plan✅
Angst about Guest list✅
Arbitrary rules, no kids✅
Imposed dress code✅
Cringeworthy first dance,observed in a mawkish way as guests think WTAF?✅
Predicatable photos that I’m exoected to purchase✅

Birdsgottafly · 29/07/2018 12:46

I like dressing up. I'll buy something new to just have a day out for my Birthday/Mother's Day/Christmas.

So it would be as though my Wedding Day wasn't an important event, to me, if I didn't dress up. I dress up for other people's Weddings/Christenings and to an extent, funerals.

I've only got a small family in the UK, so there wasn't the option to go big. I had everything, cars, photographer, got my dress in a closing down sale, booked a pub for the late reception, so saved money there. We didn't have a honeymoon, we already had children.

I think it depends on how you celebrate other events, your Wedding should surely be at least on a par with those.

Unless you are marrying for financial reasons, it is a day to celebrate, after all.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 29/07/2018 12:50

I attended a seriously posh wedding,in a castle, harps,champagne on arrival,overseas guests
Marriage lasted 18month. They were paying for it longer than the marriage

Murinae · 29/07/2018 13:04

I had a small wedding with just 16 guests. My dress (was actually a skirt and top that matched) cost £33. Husband did but a new suit. Think the whole wedding cost about £500 and that’s with clothes, rings and us paying for the food and drink for the guests. My friend still says it was the best wedding she has ever been to and we are still married nearly 30 years later. I would never have done the whole big white wedding thing.

lindalee3 · 29/07/2018 13:37

@MuddyForestWalks

You won't know about them as a natural consequence of the type of wedding. One that only has 4 guests won't be discussed in the way a wedding with 80 guests is.

So what?

Why were you so desperate to have everyone talk about your wedding after the event?

I rest my case. People who do big, fussy, OTT, expensive weddings are seeking validation, are insecure, and are trying to prove something. Your comment right there just proved that.

BroomstickOfLove · 29/07/2018 13:58

Lindalee, I really didn't read the comment that way at all. I thought that the poster was pointing out that actually, low-key, jeans and T-shirts weddings are not freakishly unusual but were actually fairly common, but that you are much less likely, by their very nature, to hear about them because you won't be invited and your colleagues won't be spending days talking about them.

PinkBuffalo · 29/07/2018 13:59

I know someone who got married in Vegas and they both wore shorts & t shirts

MuddyForestWalks · 29/07/2018 14:01

Don't be daft Linda. At a 4guest wedding, 4 people will say "Oh i went to a wedding at the weekend" when they go back to work. At an 80 person wedding 80 people will be saying that. It's just numbers.

Thank you so much for your kind comments about my personality though.

FancyADoughnut · 29/07/2018 14:02

I did and yes I wore jeans.

FancyADoughnut · 29/07/2018 14:03

Should have also said the marriage didn't last. So glad I didn't waste a lot of money on that day Grin

lindalee3 · 29/07/2018 14:14

But why do you need people to be talking about your wedding? Why is it important to you @MuddyForestWalks ???

And my comments about you are based on what you are posting. And are probably quite accurate. That is why you are being defensive.

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