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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Family holiday upset

290 replies

UninspiringUserName · 28/07/2018 22:33

My mum has a big birthday next year and wants to spend it abroad with my sister and I, and our partners, and our children, so there's six of us, plus Mum and Dad, my sister and her partner.

There's been a lot of research into hotels, flights, and different options, and eventually we were all in agreement about a hotel that ticked the boxes for us all. The costs are staggering though - more than £8k for us, as there's so many of us, and closer to £2.5/3 per couple. We've had to tweak the budget a few times as our budget was clearly blown (we've never spent anything close to that for a holiday before).

It's long-haul and my parents said they'd upgrade us all to premium economy, which was a lovely gesture. The next day, they decided it wasn't worth it for the kids, so wouldn't pay for them, and as we'll be travelling with the kids, clearly, this means we're not included too, but they will still pay for both couples. This irked a little, but shrugged it off.

In a conversation last week, Mum was keen to book so we've said to go ahead, and we'll look to book later in the year as we have a business project that isn't performing as we'd like and we need to be sure it's performing but we were very clear that we'd do our best to afford it.

Today they went to book, and changed their minds. They've now booked a hotel that means we'd be paying £1.5k more, so it means we're counted out, without a doubt. All I got when I explained this was a 'well hopefully by the time it comes round, you'll be able to afford it'... comment.

AIBU to be gutted? Not about the holiday, but about how they clearly weren't that fussed about us going in the first place.

It doesn't help that it comes on top of already feeling unsteady with my parents for what I feel like is a lack of support, so I'm fully prepared to be told I'm overreacting as it's touched a raw nerve.

OP posts:
Yupindeedy · 03/08/2018 09:23

Well done OP. Virtual high five 🙌Grin

FeedingGiraffes · 03/08/2018 09:28

It is awful to feel left out and excluded like this.

I half wonder whether they assume that because you already have a big family of your own (which sounds lovely) that you won't really miss this type of holiday at all. Almost like you have got a full and busy life with lots of built in company and everything necessary for a wonderful family holiday anyway.

Whereas they are on their own and your sister and her partner are on their own - so this is like joining forces to have a bit of a celebration. They honestly might think that the are doing you a bit of a favour (saving cash and letting you have your own family holiday to do what you like).

Not sure if I have explained myself well here. I don't have kids myself.

I am not minimising your feelings at all. At the end of the day you can't change their behaviour only your reaction to it. I think sometimes we are all guilty of taking things personally which are not meant personally.

billybagpuss · 03/08/2018 09:29

Wow, well done, that definitely needed saying. Be prepared for the worms to escape a bit over the next couple of days. Flowers

FeedingGiraffes · 03/08/2018 09:47

I do wonder if they feel they have to walk on egg shells around you? Just from your Mother's reaction. I have a family member who often seems to misinterpret my actions and motives (and also the actions and motives of other family members). It can be very tricky and I can end up really hurting this person completely unintentionally - often by trying to give them an 'out' because they just seem so tense and unhappy with me. I just end up with the feeling that they would be happier not to join things, that I just make their life difficult. They then interpret this as me not caring and not wanting them to join which could not be further from the truth.

Family relations can be so difficult and often it is a case of completing misundertanding each others intentions.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 03/08/2018 10:17

Well done OP, I know from personal experience how hard that conversation would have been. Well done for getting it out there.

Jux · 03/08/2018 11:15

Well, that's a good step forward for you.

LookAtIt · 03/08/2018 11:46

IMO you sound very sensible and have dealt with this well. Let's hope your Mum understands. She might take a little while to process it though ... even if you know that you are in the wrong it can take a while to accept it.

HannahnotAgnes · 03/08/2018 19:50

Well done Op.

SpandexTutu · 03/08/2018 20:11

Good for you. Hopefully this will be the first step towards sorting out the holiday and all the other stuff. Well done.

Fishface77 · 03/08/2018 23:32

Good for you op!
Sounds like they needed to be told.

DingDongDenny · 04/08/2018 09:53

I can't believe your mum laughed when you brought up the registration plans. She really doesn't get it does she. It's so obviously showing a favorite and so public

DingDongDenny · 04/08/2018 09:54

plate not plans

GreenTulips · 04/08/2018 10:33

Glad you feel better for that. I hope she'll come round a bit and see it from your perspective.

They are still yours parents and should treat you equally!

Try and find something nice to look forward to now to take your mind off things for a while

Clutterbugsmum · 04/08/2018 10:42

Call me cynical but I suspect she/they spoke to some of their friends about you pulling out of they 'family holiday' and they pulled her up on her behaviour in effectively excluding your family from the holiday.

So she called you to guilt you into overspending on their holiday.

I explained that they were symbolic of a favoured child, and it stank and I would NEVER do that to my children. She went quiet and then came back with 'well, is there anything you're going to throw at me now?' and we ended the call. I think that she know's exactly what she is doing. She know she favours your sister over you, and you just said out loud or it is no longer hidden and out in the open and she doesn't like it hence why she ask if you had anything else to throw at her and ended the call.

billybagpuss · 04/08/2018 11:01

Hope you're having a good weekend OP

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