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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Not Make An Effort on DP and DSC holiday return

683 replies

IceColdCiderPlease · 27/07/2018 22:18

My partner of 3 years is taking his 2 children on holiday next week for 2 weeks.
The children stay with us EOW and during the holidays.
I’m not invited. It has never been discussed he just booked it.
They all arrive back on a Thursday evening and the DCs (15 & 17) will be here until the Monday.
The expectation is that I will have food shopped, made beds etc for their return.
AIBU to just leave it & let them order take away ?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
FiestaThenSiesta · 08/08/2018 22:36

Live not love
Every one else not every else

Maelstrop · 08/08/2018 22:42

I can’t believe he’s done this, OP. What the actual fuck? He couldn’t let you vent for 5 minutes? This is HUGE! Your ds doesn’t move abroad weekly or something!

I feel that this man does not consider your feelings at all. He’s incredibly selfish and uncaring.

BewareOfDragons · 08/08/2018 22:42

I'm sorry your son is moving far away from you so you won't see him as often, BUT I'm glad he told you now so you could confirm even more than you already know that your partner is a total self-absorbed dick whose only priority is himself and his own children.

Fuck him.

Take care of yourself. Make arrangements to get rid of the partner and to visit your son.

fluffypudcats · 09/08/2018 00:17

Thanks If you were to LTB, would that affect your DSs decision to move?

ihateaparade · 09/08/2018 00:43

Your Partner is an Ass Clown. Seriously. Who does that...ALL of this? It's almost as if he's taking an on-line course in his spare time between cycling and kayaking to research how to be the most self-involved/unsupportive partner possible...and trying to ace the class! You deserve so much better. Your son sounds like he's on the right track (thanks to your parenting). It's hard when they leave the nest, BUT, that's the whole point, so you should be patting yourself on the back for being the Mama bird that is allowing him to feel good about moving into adulthood. You let them go so that they can come back and have an evolved relationship with you. Good Job!

GreenTulips · 09/08/2018 00:52

OP were you given the choice to move back in with your son?

emmyrose2000 · 09/08/2018 04:48

He can’t allow his head to think about this until Saturday so I’m not allowed to mention anything until then. This is his time that he needs
Angry
Leave this selfish waste of space and get on with your life.

Cupoteap · 09/08/2018 05:08

Can't help but feel this is part of your 'punishment' for going off on holiday without telling him. You wanted to be in your own so fine, you're in your own.

I don't know if he is like that, but my exh certainly was. Trying to prove you need him after all and he's still the boss.

Thebluedog · 09/08/2018 07:41

OP I’m sorry and delighted for you dc. It’s a wonderful opportunity for him, but of course, as parents, it’s what we want for our children, to grow up to be confident humans with loads of wonderful experiences. But also it’s heart breaking when they do cut the apron strings Flowers

As for your dp, what a knob jockey!! You deserve someone who has ‘head space’ for you at all times and will always ‘want’ you on holiday

meercat23 · 09/08/2018 08:16

So it is impinging on his head space to talk about your sadness at your son moving away but somehow he has head space to talk about what he wants you to cook when he gets back. Says it all really.

SandyY2K · 09/08/2018 08:45

Does the move fit in with his stage of education without disruption?

Honflyr · 09/08/2018 09:27

Did you want to go? I can't imagine wanting to go on a holiday with 2 unrelated teens, unless they'd be doing their own thing mainly

saltnvinegarchips · 09/08/2018 09:40

Op there is conflicting info from this post to your last one (which wasn't long ago). It seems your son that is moving hates your dp, and though you previously blamed your son's wish for you and your ex to get back together it is clear now why he hates your dp (from these posts). You can and likely will ignore all evidence, but your son is moving and not living with you because of this asshole. Why are you so hell bent on being with this guy at the expense of your children?

rainbowstardrops · 09/08/2018 10:36

Well your 'D'P has clearly shown his true colours now! What an absolute bastard Angry

I sincerely hope that you decide never to tolerate this selfish arse ever again because you are clearly way too good for him.

Sorry to hear you're upset about your son moving and hoping you'll be able to visit him soon.

Big changes for you all but that doesn't have to be a bad thing Thanks

Willow2017 · 09/08/2018 11:16

Wow he just gets better and better at "its all about me not you" doesnt he?

You know where you stand with him now its time to kick him into touch. Selfish prick.

Great news for your ds but obviously a mixed bag of emotions for you. I would feel the same if it was my son i have always told them to go and grab life by the horns but when they do i will be bereft but happy for them.😉

Enjoy the rest of your holiday, stay with your friend and tell him not to let the door hit his arse when he takes his stuff and leaves before you get back.

You deserve so much better.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/08/2018 11:40

He can’t allow his head to think about this until Saturday so I’m not allowed to mention anything until then. This is his time that he needs.

Unbelievable. I think that would be the final straw for me.

Good luck, OP. Lots of changes coming up for you - but try and embrace them. Life is too short to stay with selfish life-force-suckers like this one.

itsBritneyBeach · 09/08/2018 12:07

What a fucking wanker. Ditch him.

sparklepops123 · 09/08/2018 12:17

Think of the positives and great opportunity’s for your son. As for your partner I’d tell him not to bother unpacking his bags

Frazzled2207 · 09/08/2018 13:29

I hope you're having a lovely time despite worrying about your son.
Please ditch this waste of space when you get back.

MotherofTerriers · 09/08/2018 13:40

Enjoy your holiday, ditch the useless selfish boyfriend
Sit down with your son and explain that you will miss him, if he wants to go because it's a wonderful opportunity you will support him and visit him but if he wants to come and live with you then you will find a home for both of you. Or if he leaves and isn't happy he can come back and live with you
He may be much happier to be with you without the useless selfish boyfriend. He is only 16 and if he is moving continents because he wants to that's fine, but it shouldn't be because he has nowhere else to live

findingmywaytoday · 09/08/2018 13:40

"He can’t allow his head to think about this until Saturday so I’m not allowed to mention anything until then. This is his time that he needs"

Honestly he is telling you he doesn't respect you (you're not important enough to be told of a holiday) or give a damn about your happiness and wellbeing.

He wants a skivvy that doesn't answer back that washes, cleans and cooks lasagne from scratch Hmm. You're worth more than this. I'd run for the hills if I were you.

Nikephorus · 09/08/2018 13:51

He can’t allow his head to think about this until Saturday so I’m not allowed to mention anything until then. This is his time that he needs
Text him and tell him that he'd better add 'find a new home and a new DP/cook/cleaner' to his list of things to think about on Saturday. What sort of a bastard can't manage to provide a tiny bit of support in such a situation? You really would be better off without him.

PrettyLovely · 09/08/2018 13:59

What Nikephorus said ^^

OP dont put up with his nasty behaviour for a minute longer!

sparklefarts · 09/08/2018 14:06

Op, I'm sorry your son is moving away. Try to focus on the positives it will bring for him.

But please, please, for your own good realise what an utter cockwomble, cunting waste of space your DP is.

BitOutOfPractice · 09/08/2018 14:58

He's breathtakingly arseholian isn't he?