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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Not Make An Effort on DP and DSC holiday return

683 replies

IceColdCiderPlease · 27/07/2018 22:18

My partner of 3 years is taking his 2 children on holiday next week for 2 weeks.
The children stay with us EOW and during the holidays.
I’m not invited. It has never been discussed he just booked it.
They all arrive back on a Thursday evening and the DCs (15 & 17) will be here until the Monday.
The expectation is that I will have food shopped, made beds etc for their return.
AIBU to just leave it & let them order take away ?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
IncrediblySturdyPyjamas · 08/08/2018 14:26

I wouldn't email a recipe I'd do a 'let me google that for you' and send it.

Although she has blocked it.

OP find alternative living arrangements or if the house is yours, kick him the fuck out.

Dysania · 08/08/2018 16:51

Let them find their own bloody lasagne recipe! You need to stop doing things for them all until they appreciate you
They want lasagne, so what. Agree with PP, they probably haven't asked anyway and was just asserting his control as he had placated the OP with an offer of a fabulous weekend away 🙄

Original poster
IceColdCiderPlease · 08/08/2018 17:14

I would like to update you all because you’ve made me smile/laugh/cry all at the same time !
It’s not really the update I wanted to post and I thought long & hard before posting (was actually going to wait until Saturday) but didn’t want to not post and everyone think I’d disappeared.

Last night I received some upsetting news from my STB 17 yo son (he lives with his Dad - his choice) . He is moving continents in 4 weeks time. We have known this offer was on the table for 8 weeks or so but he was adamant he wasn’t going (with his Dad & gf) & I had actively looked at accommodation etc for him.
In the moment he told me I veered from - what a great opportunity, Shit I should have stayed with his Dad despite abuse then this wouldn’t be happening, shit the gf is going to replace me (I hope she’s crap at cooking) , I miss my baby, I’ll always be your Mum ...
I’ll see him every 4 months !!
I was pretty upset.

I unblocked DP and let him know the situation as he knows how stressed I’ve been .

Immediate response ‘ ????, when was this decided? , are you ok ?’

I phoned him straight away but no answer & then message ‘ will call shortly ‘

This was at 6.30pm

Now I understand he’s on holiday and maybe at dinner.

After an hour I messaged ‘ Going to dinner message when you are free’

I eventually caught up with another later :

He was chatting to his DC when I messaged (absolutely fine)
BUT
He can’t allow his head to think about this until Saturday so I’m not allowed to mention anything until then. This is his time that he needs.

I went and had a boo in my room.

I’m still on holiday. I’m a believer in things happen for a reason. It is a great opportunity for my DS . I’ll miss him beyond belief (I get teary if I don’t see him 2x a week). My tan is coming along nicely. The cocktails are cold.

I just wanted a it will be ok , I know it’s crap timing but darling just vent for 5 minutes and then when I get back we can look at how soon you can fly out and see him.
I wasn’t asking to ‘fill his headspace ‘ (wouldn’t take much) just a soothing 5 minutes.

As you can imagine- there’ll be no made from scratch lasagne or no anything 😂 and quite probably a new abode 🏡

OP posts:
StealthNinjaMum · 08/08/2018 17:17

I'm so sorry to hear that. Sorry that your son is moving and sorry that your 'partner' was such a wanker.

Vent on here if you need. Flowers

HolyMountain · 08/08/2018 17:23

Jesus, he becomes a greater twat when you post something else about him, it's really all about him in his head isn't it?

Sorry to hear your boy is going abroad, that must have been upsetting regardless of the opportunities it might offer.

He's not good enough for you.

pilates · 08/08/2018 17:23

Sorry to hear your sad news.

Your partner's reaction tells you all you need to know.

Good luck

pmac62 · 08/08/2018 17:23

And your so called DH could not give you time to listen to you when you needed it. It really does show you haw much he cares.
Big hugs for you

Branleuse · 08/08/2018 17:27

well there you go. He doesnt give a fuck about whats happening with you or your needs. Plain and simple.

OP, will there be any chance of you goig out and staying with him sometimes or close by?

IncrediblySturdyPyjamas · 08/08/2018 17:28

It really is all about him isn't it?

Hope you are ok.

LaContessaDiPlump · 08/08/2018 17:28

I'm sorry op, but that really does put the cheese topping on the lasagne. Get rid, now. What a twat!

Hanab · 08/08/2018 17:32

Sending you a hug 🌷

Original poster
IceColdCiderPlease · 08/08/2018 17:32

Thank you all.

I’m certainly hoping to be able to go out to see him. It’s a 3 month on 1 month off contract and he will be very close to some lovely islands.
It is a great opportunity for him and TBH if has come to this conclusion himself I’m delighted that he his taking the bull by the horns and seizing the moment.
I’ll just miss him though and as Mums and Dads it something we must endure. Let them fly

OP posts:
lapenguin · 08/08/2018 17:33

Aww that sucks!
Hopefully you'll get to see him more often than every four months, you'll have to make the most of it whenever you see him!
Hopefully it'll only be a temporary thing and he can find an amazing opportunity back home :)

Knittedfairies · 08/08/2018 17:41

He gets worse! The ‘when was this decided?’ text (?) is telling for someone who has ridden roughshod over his partner though.... Right. It is a great opportunity for your son. You know you did the right thing in leaving his dad - no-one deserves abuse. Yes you will miss him. No the gf will not/ cannot take your place. Of course you will always be his mum. And - when you’ve got rid of the useless excuse for a loving partner, you’ll be able to go and see him any time you like!

Of course you’re upset; I’m not trying to minimise that. If your twonk of a partner can only deal with one thing at once, make sure that one thing is that he’s history. Plan your life without him, and remember, the best revenge is a life well-lived (or served cold....unlike lasagne)

Frogscotch7 · 08/08/2018 18:01

Sorry you’ve had all this crap piling up at once. I like the sound of you so much but you’ve shocking taste in men. I really hope the good times are coming your way.

beetrootbang · 08/08/2018 18:07

Your DP is such an enormous arse. Please have my first LTB. Please don’t waste anymore of your life with him.

This is a fantastic opportunity for your son, and although I’m sure it is immensely difficult for you, try not to allow the two issues to cloud each other. You may need support, but you don’t need your DP. Your son is starting a new life, and so can you.

DownAtFraggleRock · 08/08/2018 18:20

He can’t allow his head to think about this until Saturday so I’m not allowed to mention anything until then. This is his time that he needs

What the Actual Fuck?

He doesn't deserve you OP.

Burntofferings0 · 08/08/2018 18:24

Your partner is a proper dickhead.

Whisky2014 · 08/08/2018 18:24

Why are you still talking to him? You went to him for support he didnt give it to you and doesnt want to. Youve had more support here, from strangers!

Sorry you are sad about your son but what a fab opportunity for him!

Oliphantintheroom · 08/08/2018 18:28

Just RTFT and I’m just Shock at what a CF he is
But well done for getting away and I hope everything works out for you on your return Flowers

plominoagain · 08/08/2018 18:34

Oh OP , I feel you . One of my DS's is about to fly the nest albeit in a slightly smaller way and I admit it ain't easy . The thing I console myself with , is that I must have done something right to give him the confidence to do it . And so have you . So well done . And tech these days makes us all that bit closer . As for the other buffoon , well , he's just about put the tin lid on , hasn't he .

Sunnybeachbabe · 08/08/2018 18:35

Well op, hard news for you although sounds like a great opportunity for him.
Your partner has shown here very clearly how little time he has for you. He doesn't make plans with you, he expects you to run around after him and he fails to support you in your time of need. Use the holiday to ask yourself if you deserve more than this?

MumW · 08/08/2018 18:56

Is there a possibility of you following to the new continent? Sounds like your current relationsbip is on the rocks and you need to move on. It might as well be there as here.

Fishface77 · 08/08/2018 18:57

Oh op flowers.
It looks like it’s the time for major life changes op.
Don’t be sad.
Take it as a challenge.
Onwards and upwards.
You sound like a great mum.

RosaMallory · 08/08/2018 18:58

I think your ds moving abroad shows what a fantastic job you have done as his mother.
I think this experience has shown you how much you are worth and your strength that you will no longer put up with this shitty behaviour from your 'd'p! Although the fuss over your lasagna makes me want to try it as it must be amazing!