AIBU to not understand the new trend of no one visiting newborns?

[FatTory]

As the title says really. I read many posts on here about people not wanting visitors for the first few days/week after having a baby. I don’t understand this at all. Why wouldn’t you want your family and friends to meet your new baby? Yes, I understand women often feel grotty after giving birth but serious complications aside, does it really matter for half an hour?

My friends and family were invaluable after I gave birth, holding DD’s so I could shower/eat/stretch my legs. I breastfed both of them and them holding the baby never impacted on my ability to feed or bond with my daughters.

Even relatives I don’t particularly like or get on with were welcome to come and see the new addition to our family.

I find it incredible that other people can’t hsve the maturity and imagination to understand other mums may feel differently to how they felt.

Baffling

I struggle to believe that the majority of new Mothers can’t find a 30 minute convenient time for those deemed as close family

What makes you think it's a majority Villagefete?

I’m pregnant with my first and have decided to play it by ear. I could have an easy labour, feel great and be desperate to show off my baby Lion King style. Or I could be torn to shreds, traumatised, emotional and possibly pissing/shitting myself, in which case I’ll probably want to hide away for a few days. At the moment, I have no idea.

However I’m certain that besides DH no one will be visiting me in hospital. In most cases, women are out within a few hours. There’s really no need for visitors. Time in hospital after birth is for the mother to recover from labour and have support from medical staff, not for show and tell. And as someone said upthread, I don’t fancy having to answer medical questions about the state of my vag and bowel movements in front of family members.

We had some visitors early on but two barriers were:

1. they really push lots of skin to skin to get bf established. So you're basically topless. That's awkward for most visitors.

2. A lot of our friends and family were travelling quite long distances so a quick 'pop in for half an hour' wasn't going to cut it. Better to wait a week or so then give them a proper welcome.

Also there's lots to get done in the first week or so with midwives, HV, registering birth etc.

Narya

That's what I remember. The day she was born, we were in hospital. The following day I had the midwife and the HV come out. The following day it was a BF consultant. Then, heel prick test. Etc.

There was no week-long period where I got to lie with my feet up, bonding with my baby. Gangs of visitors on top of that would have really upset me.

'new' 'trend' WTAF are you on about? The lack of compassion and understanding that other people arent all having exactly the same experiences as them, from people on this site are sometimes shocking.
Good for you that you were able to receive visitors so early what do you want a meddle? do you honestly think it makes you a better person than other women whove needed that time to bond or heal? Either you are bitter because you needed it too and were manipulated into giving it up and think all women should also suffer.... or you seriously lack insight into 'how other people are separate and different from you'

Primary concern in any case is the emotional and physical wellbeing of the mother and newborn.

And it is in no way 'New'.... traditionally mothers and newborns would not even venture outside in the first month.

When having DD I was very grateful to have both parents and inlaws who were deeply sensitive and respectful.

“Let us know when you’re ready for visitors”
“What can we do to help”
“Do you need us to grab you some shopping?”

So of course both sets visited early because it wasn’t a chore. They came, visited, helped and left.

Compared to my poor friend who got home with their baby to find her mum ensconced with a load of relatives for a welcome home baby party.

I had to stay in hospital with DD for 3 days after giving birth and was such a mess physically and mentally.

The first few days when I did get home were a blur.

By the time DD was 2 weeks old I could face having family, other than my mum and sister, round and it was nice to be able to have them there for longer than half an hour. I don't see what benefit there would have been in rushing to give them a 30 minute visit 7 days earlier just to tick it off some kind of arbitrary "acceptable timeframe" list.

Much better for all concerned to wait until the mother is ready. If that's straight away, great. If not, also fine.

I've just checked old photos and actually it was only 9 days that parents in law had to wait to meet DD. (No idea why I thought it was 2 weekd but like I said, it was all v much a blur).

Wonder if that's slightly more acceptable to @villagefete, @fattory et al, or still totally awkward and weird, being just 2 days more than the completely made up 7 day time limit?

Seriously get a grip and stop reading. If the thread is upsetting you that much you can avoid it you know

and because of you my phone has gone off again

And again all sorts of measures YOU can take to sort that.

You’re obviously having a difficult time but taking it out on other people is just daft

Guys leave her alone. I don’t agree with her, but she’s clearly going through a tough time and you should all just drop it.

OMG if when my children have children they stop me coming in the first few days for whatever reason I will be so upset. I was very happy for immediate family to visit (half an hour later in one case) after my children were born. It's precious beyond belief to make grandparents wait a week or more, people need to get a grip.

Do you not see the irony in your post VillageFete? You are pissed off because email notifications are being intrusive. And they're just emails that you're receiving when you don't want them.

Some women want peace and privacy, post partum. Unwanted guests in their home at such a time are much more intrusive and harder to deal with than a beeping phone which is a lot easier to deal with.

It's precious beyond belief to make grandparents wait a week or more, people need to get a grip

If a grandparent prioritises their want to see the new baby "fresh out of the vag" over a DD/DiL's need to have some quiet recovery time then frankly its not the new mother who needs to get a grip, its entitled grandparents.

Why is it always the woman who has to "be flexible" and suppress her needs to the wishes of others?

I also don't understand the utter obsession with seeing the baby the second its born, irrespective of how the mother is feeling. I'm glad that when mine were born it was considered more a happy family situation and less a race to get the first facebook/selfie opportunity.

The reality is most families do muddle through. Most grandparents are considerate and wait for the go ahead, most new parents do want to share the joy as soon as they feel up to it.

Most of the threads here arise because people are not in that situation and are being pushed into situations which make them uncomfortable or in extreme cases even become coercive.

Village you don't sound like you are in a good place.

Woman are different- it's ok to feel either way as long as you respect others don't feel the same.

Some need a few weeks. I needed a few days and then limited visitors to one a day and there was a few days I declined a I felt so vulnerable. Lucky to have a very useful DH.

Some like to show off baby immediately and have family in the delivery room. That's also OK and I don't judge those people because they are different from me.

I hope your friend is comfortable. I can imagine that it's a very difficult time for you.

It's not new. I think before women had platforms like this to share stories and issues.. They just thought they had to suck it up.. It's what you do. Ie those of us with in
Laws bad enough to ruin our experiences and make us want to leave our husbands even though we love them.

Women are becoming far more empowered by sharing experiences on line and working out what's going on.

I did want to show my baby off and have visitors, those visitors made me feel awful and dreadful.. I didn't have them second time round and it was wondeful.

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