Mil keeps asking and asking

[Stormi12]

Mil has recently been begging to provide full time child care when I go back to work and even suggested she and fil take my 6 month old out by themselves. I do not like them. I do not want them around my child. Why on earth they think I’d let them take the baby out is beyond me.

Aibu to keep visits as a family as opposed to providing alone time?

Good point, Raspberry, but I and many posters feel that OP has taken an extreme position and somehow the MIL cannot be quite the Gorgon as described.
What extreme position? Granted, she sounds really pissed off here, but clearly isn't being rude directly to her MIL, as she said, she doesn't like confrontation. All she's said is that she doesn't want MIL to have time alone with her 6 month old or kiss her baby on the mouth. No grandparent needs to have such a young baby on their own and MIL needs to back off on that.

GrannyHaddock Yes, you have decided the OP is a liar, with no proof and no way of getting any, simply because you don’t like what she is saying.

The interesting thing granny is why you don’t like what she is saying...

raspberry Actually I think the problem with this thread for many people is that MIL is not bad enough for a clearcut position and the OP cannot be said to have cut contact. It's like there isn't quite enough there for a rational reaction so people are just picking a position at random based on their own experiences.

Heartsease I think you are accurate there

The normal thing would’ve been to ask op about more details

I think most people haven’t read the full thread for details and by the original post have decided the op sounds like their dil

I don't agree with your reasoning at all but no one can disagree that when it comes to a 6 month old, it is the parents who decide who they see how often and for how long. It is not a game of pass the parcel, or making sure everyone gets their turn.

However, babies grow up, develop minds and opinions of their own. What you have repeated here as the rational for the deep dislike you have for you MIL to me sounds like you being determined to take behaviour well within normal boundaries and twist it into something it isn't. Your child will grow and will notice and question how you treat her. I hope you can provide them with better answers that you have here.

Mooing at someone, going behind their back to try and get the husband to betray his wife, continuing to ask and ask and ask trying to wear down the op because they didn’t like her first answer, is not normal in my world Belleende!

You have very strange morals and ethics!

I have sympathy for the OP and actually have a hunch her MIL is a difficult character who needs very firm boundaries but I have to admit to being curious about why she started a thread. Anyone less in need of reassurance would be hard to find!!

beingthere

1. the mooing thing perhaps a joke in poor taste. It is the only specific instance given so hard to tell if this is malice or clumsiness.
2. Betrayal? Come on. MIL asks DIL doesn't get the answer she wants so asks son. Pushing boundaries yes evil I don't think so.
3. Buying stuff for the baby even though told no. I have given away more things than I have kept. People want to buy babies gifts, even though I am v clear we don't need them. Do I think they are cow bags? No.
4. bathing the baby. It's a lovely and bonding thing to do. All my family members have been invited to participate. My babies love it, they are some of my fondest memories and favourite pictures.

The OP seems absolutely determined to interpret everything her MIL does and says in the worst possible light. I see nothing more than a granny who wants to be involved and who pushed perhaps a bit too hard. I bet she is baffled.

I didn’t mention bathing. YOUR babies love it so we all should let people do it with our babies so they can “bond with them” whether we like them or not? No. You’re weird!

I didn’t mention buying stuff for baby either. You told us what you do. What the hell has that got to do with me or the OP? You are very me me me aren’t you? Your way or we’re wrong huh?

Mooing might have been a joke? How about it might not? How about it might have been an abusive act to get a new mum to stop bf so MIL can grab the baby?

You seem determined to interpret everything the OP says as a lie. You don’t seem a very nice person.

Belle de Can’t get over how you have made this all about what you do 😂

No beingthere, put your thinking hat on dear. The point I am making is stuff that the op finds odd and signs her MIL is over bearing, other people, myself and many others on this thread find pretty normal. Annoying maybe, but normal, and not enough justification for the deep seated dislike she has for her.

I do agree with @heartsease68 that it's difficult to understand why the OP started this thread. She's confident in herself and isn't exactly in need of affirmation for her actions. She's not particularly interested in other posters' opinions, either, she doesn't actually address any of them.

I'm not even saying you're wrong, OP. Your MIL sounds like a very difficult woman. But what was the point of this thread when you don't even take any notice of opinions that you don't agree with??

I will post an update later in August. We go up to their summer home for a weekend and hopefully mil will be on her best behaviour.

For those saying I’m cutting her off.... would I be spending a weekend away with her if I was?

There are a lot of mils projecting here; they seem sour that they couldn’t get their way with their dils child. And sad they couldn’t bully her into doing things their way.

Belleende There you go again me me me 🙄

Lizzie there are too many to read. Post all the questions in another post and I’ll get to them

lol OP you are hilarious.

Lizzie48 The OP probably wants validation and has got it from many of us. Why should she bow to pressure to change her mind from those who wont even acknowledge that she takes her baby to see MIL?

She can see, as others can, that they are projecting.

not enough justification for the deep seated dislike she has for her.

This is just ridiculous. No-one has to justify on here how they feel about a person, and it would almost certainly be literally impossible to list all the reasons OP has for disliking her MiL. It's often a drip, drip, drip over the years culminating in the escalation after the baby ws born. Think of a few people you dislike, BelleEnde - could you guarantee being able to explain your reasons so that you could be sure that every one of thousands of readers would fully understand them and agree with you?

beingthere this is quite the most random fight anyone has ever picked with me on MN, but I'll bite.

The OP has asked a question. Is she being unreasonable. The answer to this must be subjective. Just how are we supposed to answer it without drawing from our own personal experience and frame of reference? Consult the oracle? Go to the library?

bellend you didn’t answer the question, you said “However, babies grow up, develop minds and opinions of their own” as a threat.

I’m not “biting” with you anymore because you are egotistical.

No one seems to be mentioning that mil also rearranged OP's kitchen.

bibiseia the OP has asked if she being unreasonable, so she must have some doubt otherwise why ask the question?
We can only answer that based on what she tells us. Some people agree that her MIL is awful, some people like me just don't see it. This may reflect how the people in her life see it too, including her children as they get older. It may be totally obvious that their granny is a dragon, or they could be scratching their heads.

No one seems to be mentioning that mil also rearranged OP's kitchen.

Fuck, I missed that bit. What a cowbag. Go NC now OP!