Mum won't have my children

[bakebakebake]

NC for this because it'll be outing if any of my friends read this.

Background:
I have 3 children (5, 6 and 14wks)
She has 2 other children (9, 11)
We live less than a minute from each other

DS6 has slept over 5 times
DD5 has slept over 3 times
Nephew (1) has slept over more
Sister's half brother (9) sleeps fortnightly

My children ask my mum if they can have a sleep over and she will say "soon" but that never happens

The other day...
Me: how about having the children (DS6 and DD5) for a sleepover one day during the holidays
Her: only if you have mine
Me: err no, they wouldn't want to anyway
Her: well you'll just have to find a babysitter like I do
Me: to do what? I don't want to go out
Her: not my problem
Then DH turned up so conversation ended

Her "babysitter" is my Auntie (lives 30 seconds away) which has been every single Friday night since they were born so my mum can have a break. They are always upstairs so I'm not sure Why she needs a break.

AIBU in wanting her to have her grandchildren for a sleepover?

It's not even so I can go out, its because THEY want to. I wouldn't go out since I have a 14wk old!

Are they well behaved? Is it that?

I think YABU your mum still has her own fairly young children to deal with so why should she have yours if you don’t intend to reciprocate .

I think you're unreasonable to expect her to have yours if you won't return the favour.

If she doesn't want them YABU. She probably has a reason for not wanting them. It isn't an entitlement.

YABU she also had young children and you won't repay the favour

There's quite a difference in having a 9 and 11yo separately and a 5 and 6yo together.

She's not required to have your children overnight just because....yes of course it would be nice but I'm a bit more lenient in this case as she is still active parenting so to speak

There is no obligation for her to have them although I entirely agree her response was snarky and unneeded....you also have absolutely no obligation to have hers overnight

She was rude in the way she put it

My dmum has my niece twice a week sometimes more and has never had my DC

Mine are much younger (5 and 2 compared to niece who is 13) and they are incredibly hard work

Sorry but she isn't unreasonable (but a bit rude in her response yes)

Yanbu but it’s up to her. I guess if she didn’t have the younger ones she might do it

Your Mum has 2 kids that are young and you want her to have yours too? Why would yours enjoy a sleepover there but your little brother and sister wouldn't enjoy one at yours? Also why don't you refer to them as your siblings? They are aren't they?

Are you for real?

Well my parents and I’m laws never have my children and they have no children at home. It’s not a given right. And I imagine if your mum still has 2 children living at home then the novelty of having the gc isn’t quite the same.
Why couldn’t you do something nice with your siblings? At 9 and 11 surely a pizza and a film would go down ok?

They are well behaved. Especially when at Nannys.

Her children go on their ps4's as soon as they get home from school so spend all their time in their room.
Which is where my children would be because they love spending time with their Aunties (although close in age)

DS6 will just go to sleep when he's tired which is relatively early
DD5 will stay with my mum when she starts getting tired and falls asleep on the sofa next to her

Why should she?

I have my DGC on regular days, but that is because I choose to. If I chose otherwise my DDs would see that as entirely reasonable. My life is my own to choose what I do with it, and they endorse that.You have your children; she has hers. She is under no obligation to look after yours.

You ask, she says no. Perhaps four dc is too much to handle. Perhaps the dc don’t get on. Perhaps your dc play her up.

Yabu to persist. As she says, have her dc and plan a fun sleepover if you think the dc would like it.

Mine are 4 and 3, my mum lives round the corner and spends loads of time with them and they adore each other. She has never had them overnight. Overnight stays with grandparents are not a right.

Tell her if she doesn't want them to stay over stop telling them they can, if they are told the truth they will know exactly how little time she wants to spend with them. She is ruining her relationship with them which she will come to regret.

It was easier to say children as a summary but yes, they are my sisters.

Her house:
two ps4 in bedrooms
2x double beds and 1x king so somewhere for them to sleep

My house:
one ps4 in the lounge
2x single beds
1x king (my bed but we cosleep with baby)

hang on
you won't have hers for a sleepover but you expect her to? i don't get it.

also she has the right to say no if she feels she can't cope with the whole thing.

I can understand, that however much you love your grandchildren, if you still have young children at home and have brought up older children previously, you may not want to take on more of the same. If there has been a gap of 20 years or so, you are desperate to get your hands on babies/small children. My mother was never keen to babysit or have my children for sleep overs as I was one of the older siblings of a large family, where as I love having grandchildren to stay, being a thwarted earth mother who only managed to produce 2 boys.

You would make room for them if you wanted to. We’ve got a tiny house but I’ve had massive sleepovers. Get a couple of blow up mattresses.

My grandparents would have me and my older sister every Saturday, and we would go to Aunties every Friday.
I loved that time and I have so many lovely memories growing up.

It's hard to judge behaviour online of course, but my children are very well behaved when they're not at home. They never fight or hit each other - they do that at home.
So it's definitely not a behaviour thing.

It is an unusual situation, but she isn’t really in a position to play the role of traditional grandma. You know the one where keeping kids for a night is a lark and you can spoil them with sweets and missed bedtimes, knowing that the next day they will go back to their parents and you will have the day to rest.

Why won't you have hers?
Answer the question.

I think OP has buried the answer - she feels her home is too small for a sleepover.

YABU. You can expect childcare when you're unwilling to reciprocate.
Shes already had them overnight 5 times and they're only young. Why not ask your auntie if she would like them for a sleepover?

Taking it in turns to host sleepovers sounds ideal if they are all similar ages. Why won’t you do that? Why does your mum have to supply childcare for you when you don’t reciprocate. Do they stay over at their other grandparents houses?