Mum won't have my children

[bakebakebake]

NC for this because it'll be outing if any of my friends read this.

Background:
I have 3 children (5, 6 and 14wks)
She has 2 other children (9, 11)
We live less than a minute from each other

DS6 has slept over 5 times
DD5 has slept over 3 times
Nephew (1) has slept over more
Sister's half brother (9) sleeps fortnightly

My children ask my mum if they can have a sleep over and she will say "soon" but that never happens

The other day...
Me: how about having the children (DS6 and DD5) for a sleepover one day during the holidays
Her: only if you have mine
Me: err no, they wouldn't want to anyway
Her: well you'll just have to find a babysitter like I do
Me: to do what? I don't want to go out
Her: not my problem
Then DH turned up so conversation ended

Her "babysitter" is my Auntie (lives 30 seconds away) which has been every single Friday night since they were born so my mum can have a break. They are always upstairs so I'm not sure Why she needs a break.

AIBU in wanting her to have her grandchildren for a sleepover?

It's not even so I can go out, its because THEY want to. I wouldn't go out since I have a 14wk old!

I doubt her mum is more exhausted than the OP, since she has a babysitter every weekend and seemingly always has done. And the OP has a new baby.

She has my sister's half-brother over every fortnight for no reason.

Sorry if i'm being dim (it's very hot!) but isn't your sister's half brother your half brother too?

Your half brother is the same 'generation' as you and your younger siblings, so perhaps she see's it a bit differently in his case?

I mean your DCs are the next generation along and perhaps she just isn't inclined or ready to do the traditional grand parent thing with them which you remember so fondly from your own grand parents. Mentioned upthread.

Laiste, I took it the sister is OP's half sister therefore not the same father

Sister's half brother..
He is my 9yo sister's half brother..
They have the same dad

He got my mum and the bros mum pregnant within a couple of months of each other

So basically, your mum has her step-child around fortnightly? Does his dad live there? Is this normal EOW contact?

My sisters..

Eldest is 28 and we share a dad
Then me, 25
Middle is 11 and has a different dad
Youngest is 9 and has a different dad

4 children, 3 dads

I would love to hear your mum's side of this tbh, although I feel sorry that you have a lack of familial support I think your mum's been in the shit for a long while and is probably doing her best to keep her head above water.

Or she could just be a cheeky fucker

I'm going for a lie down

I think it's a generational thing. More than a reciprocation or doesn't like your kids thing.

I suppose having an extra two for a sleepover is too much for her. I think you are in a difficult situation as she has youngish children herself. Most grannies are keen for sleepovers as they don't have children at home anymore so it is more of a novelty / change to spoil them every so often.

Do any of the other fathers have your sisters to stay/visit?

People are bing harsh to you.

You have 3 kids and your kids want a relationship with their nanny. She is happy to have her nephew(?) over to stay and your sisters half brother, but not your kids.

As far as I read you looked after her children before yours were born?

I think you are fair to be annoyed. But its not worth it. Just be kind and loving to your kids and let her get on with it with hers.

I have a similar situation with my brother and wife. They have her nieces over to stay all the time. They have never invited my daughter. Nothing I can do....

Maybe a 5 and 6 year old need more looking after/entertaining than a 9 and 11 year old?

My mother never had any of my older 3 over to stay. And I can count the number of times she babysat on one hand. Never bothered me much, it's how she is. She was a bit cat's bum faced about me having kids at all.

All stop having so many children so young and you might have more available family support not that you are entitled to it. You contradict yourself, you want them to have lovely grandma memories but then say they'll spend the whole time unsupervised on play stations, personally it's not an environment I'd want for my children anyway.

Sorry that’s like5/6 kids she has small children herself

I understand where u are coming from but I do feel sorry for your mum. Parenting is hard and she’s now bringing up a new generation of children. Most people are child free before children or after the first ones have flown the nest! I know she has effectively chosen this life but I do think you are unreasonable asking her to do more when she has enough on her plate.

Above to OP not others

YABu. Your mum must be in her forties and she has two young ones of her own. As an older mum, I can vouch for how tired she probably gets. Why would she want to look after yours too.
Why is not the issue though, she doesn’t want to and hasn’t invited you. So that’s the end of the matter.

What does your older sister think?

For some reason I think she probably has no children or moved away.

She's not asking her mum to do more though - one sleepover during the summer holidays is not that hard. I'd have more sympathy of she didn't get any help with her own kids, but it seems like she has plenty.

How is them not having sleepovers affecting them building a relationship with their nanny? My kids stay over at my mum’s sometimes, but never at my in laws - they’ve never offered and we’ve never asked. My in laws have wonderful relationships with my kids.
Sounds like having your children to sleep over is just too much for your mum. Especially with the age mix.

My older sister has a one year old. He has stayed more times than DD5 has. They live half an hour drive away.

She's on my side about this. She doesn't understand why mum said that.

How often do you see your DM? She lives close to you, do you pop round for a chat and a coffee? Do you ever do things to help her such as hang out washing or some other housework.
I ask because what I found was that the only time I was involved was when babysitting was going to be requested.
If all your DM is hearing is your request for sleep overs and nothing being offered back to her it is no wonder that she is refusing.

YABU

I just don't understand why you want your DC to sleep at your mothers when you aren't even going out - she only lives a minute away. What's the point?

As PorkFlute said, it’s not a given right for GPs to have their grandchildren for sleepovers or even over for a visit. My dcs are 13 & 10 and they've never stayed over at either GPs. They've never offered, even though we've dropped hints.

My DH stayed with his GP's and so did I, but I suppose our parents feel they've done their share of childcare with their own children and don't want to continue. No point getting upset about it (although I've had the occasional resentful thought), it's just the way it is.