Mum won't have my children

[bakebakebake]

NC for this because it'll be outing if any of my friends read this.

Background:
I have 3 children (5, 6 and 14wks)
She has 2 other children (9, 11)
We live less than a minute from each other

DS6 has slept over 5 times
DD5 has slept over 3 times
Nephew (1) has slept over more
Sister's half brother (9) sleeps fortnightly

My children ask my mum if they can have a sleep over and she will say "soon" but that never happens

The other day...
Me: how about having the children (DS6 and DD5) for a sleepover one day during the holidays
Her: only if you have mine
Me: err no, they wouldn't want to anyway
Her: well you'll just have to find a babysitter like I do
Me: to do what? I don't want to go out
Her: not my problem
Then DH turned up so conversation ended

Her "babysitter" is my Auntie (lives 30 seconds away) which has been every single Friday night since they were born so my mum can have a break. They are always upstairs so I'm not sure Why she needs a break.

AIBU in wanting her to have her grandchildren for a sleepover?

It's not even so I can go out, its because THEY want to. I wouldn't go out since I have a 14wk old!

Do you have your dsis over during the day? They are very young not to develop a relationship with you their older sister. I know you have a baby now but before baby was born ..l mean.

Well, she obviously has a reason. Perhaps it's because you don't reciprocate. Perhaps, they aren't so well behaved as you think. Who knows?

If she doesn't want to, she doesn't have to.

YABU. They are your DC. I can understand why it upsets them but your mum is still rearing DC of her own.

Mine have never had sleepovers in GPs, The family who could, have their own so I wouldn't ask or expect.

I’m confused! She doesn’t want your kids sleeping over and you’re not keen to have her’s, when did being a grandparent come with all these bloddy obligations to kids that aren’t yours.

Every relationship dynamic is different, I see some very devoted grannies at the school gates but there’s no way in hell I would I go back to caring for young kids (shared DNA or no shared DNA) if it wasn’t an emergency.

I get what OP's saying she's not asking for babysitting she feels she wants her mum to pay the same attention and give the same treats (in this case a sleepover) to her kids as she does for others.

Does your DM look after the other kids because their parents need childcare help? In that case I can kind of see why she wouldn't want to look after yours when you don't need the childcare. Perhaps you could offer a swap of sorts - she'll do a sleepover with yours and you'll take hers out for a day.

OP change the scenario slightly. Lets assume that instead of being your DM this was your DSis.

You are asking your DSis to have your DC sleep over (just because they want to) but you won't have your DSis's children sleep at yours. It would be completely unreasonable wouldn't it. So why is it different just because she's your DM?

She doesn't want additional children sleeping over. She has her own to deal with. I don't blame her at all.

I find it absolutely exhausting to have my grandkids over to stay. Its usually for 2 or 3 nights in a row because we don't live local to each other, I also have my own children that live at home. I can understand your mum saying no but it does seem unfair that she has your nieces and nephews.

Everyone has told you that YABU because you asked the question. Yet with every post you counter with how your mum should take your kids and how much better behaved they are. You sound demanding and entitled. She doesn't have to take your kids. She has young kids of her own. Deal with it and find someone else and quite harassing her to take your kids overnight.

You clearly had lots of sleepovers as a child, but they aren’t mandatory.

Or even necessarily that common.

My D.C. are very close to both sets of grandparents but they sleep over at my parents once a year and have only ever slept over with my PILs a couple of times.

I wonder if your Grandma had two young children at home as well as having you and your siblings?

They aren't her children, they are yours. There is no contract that says Grandparents have to have children overnight and if I still had young children myself no way would I be volunteering to have 3 more dumped on me.

Her children are the same ages as my youngest 2, and I'd still have my grandchildren to sleep over if my daughter asked.
I'm not sure why your mum won't but I'm guessing she just doesn't want to and it's her prerogative

To be fair, it's not like her dc's are all grown up, she is still bringing up children.

It sounds like this sleepover thing has become a bit of an obsession for you, and it really shouldn't be.

Many many many children never have sleepovers with family. You did and enjoyed it, great, that doesn't mean it must be supplied for your children.

There could be several reasons why she doesn't want them to sleepover - maybe they don't get on great with your DMs children, maybe they don't want to share their PS4s, maybe your DM knows you have a bee in your bonnet about sleepovers and doesn't want to indulge you. Who knows? But it looks like it's not happening so try to put it out of your head.

@inthecarpark

I did answer further up.. there just isn't enough space at my house.
Sleeping wise especially (2 single beds in one room)
I can't have my DC in my bed too because I don't trust them sleeping with the baby.. which would demote DH to the sofa anyway

There isn't enough space for blow up beds unless they fancy sleeping downstairs or one in my room and one with DC.

I'm not sure 9 and 11 year olds are exactly "young" kids. They're fairly easy to have around at that age. They're not toddlers.

“Mum won’t have my children” er.... if your mum had them, they’d be your siblings. What you mean is mum is not mug enough to look after the kids I chose to have so I can go out on the lash and pretend I’m not a mum for the night. Your kids, your choice. You look after them, seems like you Mum has her hands full enough already anyway.
YABVVVU

I don’t think your DM wants much of a “usual grandparent” relationship with your dc as she’s still bringing up young children. I can understand why you’re disappointed but I don’t think there’s much you can do.

YABU

I have a step daughter who is doing this to me and her Dad. We have our own young child. It’s fine to ask, however to hold it against your Mum? She’s raised you and raising two more, why don’t you support her for a change?!

How old is your dm? If she’s menopausal she might be completely bloody knackered. Does she work? Have much support herself? You don’t mention asking your df to have them.

Does she have issues with your life choices or is there a history of fall outs? All of these things are important. Long story short she doesn’t want to and that’s fine.

As pp said, your own lovely experiences as a child are not common. Most people would regard this as something they’d do very occasionally (as she has) or in an emergency.

Offer for the children to stay at yours, they can top and tail with your kids.
It will be uncomfortable. They probably won't want to again but you've compromised and met her halfway.
This isn't about the sleepover, this is about you feeling pushed out because your sister's kids live there and seemingly get all the perks. I'm in a similar position except my mum copped on and now makes more effort to be 'fair'
I still would never expect her to have them overnight unless she approaches them and offers.
Could you ask your sister to babysit?

She doesn’t want to - she already has young children - why should she?

so her kids are your siblings? and you won't have them over but you think it's unfair that she won't have yours? odd YABU

Your question is AIBu to expect her to want to have the DGC over
Answer from most people is yes
Should she have them over because she has other kids over- I'd say no.
It sounds like she does have a good relationship with them without the sleepover taking place
If you push for one until she gives in I doubt it'll be fun for anyone especially the children involved.
If you moved further away and she saw them.less she might be more inclined for them to have a sleepover treat, as it is with you in such close proximity it might just feel they've moved in if they start having regular sleepovers especially if you don't have hers

The comments about her having her own children to raise so not wanting more over..

She has my sister's half-brother over every fortnight for no reason. Not to help out his mum, and she doesn't have my sister to sleep over there.

My sister's have spent time with me growing up, I was 13 and 15 when they were born. I moved out when I was 17. But the youngest, me and DH would babysit her frequently.

My auntie can't have them overnjght because she has my sisters.

She's doesn't have to have your children. I'd just accept she doesn't want to and move on

OP isn't wanting free childcare here - she just wants her dc to have the kind of relationship with their nan, that she had with hers.
Her mum sounds like she doesn't give a shit - too busy having a second family to bother being kind to the first!
Since OP says she spent every friday and saturday, as a child, being cared for by relatives it seems her mum had plenty of help. Would it kill her to do the same occasionally for her own dd, eho has a 14 week old baby?
Nanny sounds like a selfish cow to me.