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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My Husband has been taken into custody

285 replies

Howdyagetstokillaroo · 25/07/2018 20:08

He has broken my nose, my left cheekbone and dislocated my shoulder. My children are with my mum and the police have called social services. I am paralytic with fear that they will take my babies away. He always said they would because one day he would kill me.

OP posts:
Griefbacon · 25/07/2018 20:45

Some great advice on here. I’m just so sorry you’re going through this. I’m sure like others say the hospital can keep him away and the police would attend if he did go to your mum’s. Huge hugs. He’s a total waste of life. How dare he

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 25/07/2018 20:45

Good advice from @MrsTommyBanks, above.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Accept all advice and help offered, and know that this very difficult time, will come to pass.
Sending love and a strong handhold.
There is no going back, move on Lovely.🌺

Bluntness100 · 25/07/2018 20:45

Op this isn't your fault. And if this is the first time they won't remove your children either, but he will have to stay away, hopefully he will be in jail.

I assume he will be remanded in custody and he will be charged.

You will be fine, as will your kids, you will heal and this man will need to be gone. If you work with the police and social services they will make sure of it.

Sleepyslops · 25/07/2018 20:45

Hey lady, you didn't let this happen to you. Do not think you are to blame at all! Also, do not be ashamed. This isn't your fault, it's his. Be honest with the staff and the Police and tell them what's happened. They will help you.

kaytee87 · 25/07/2018 20:45

You poor darling Thanks this is not your fault. Echoing what other posters have said, press charges, ask for a restraining order and resist any attempt from him to see you or your children.
Use SS and the police to assist you, that's what they're there for.

Gilead · 25/07/2018 20:46

Be strong. Ex dh was not allowed near us after his arrest. Someone earlier posted a link to NCDV. They helped us get a non molestation order in place, took details on the 'phone, typed it up, posted it to us to sign and send to court. Another Mumsnetter gave me the details a couple of years ago. I always pass it on now. She was a lifesaver.
Flowers

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 25/07/2018 20:46

Can you ask your mum to call the police station to ask for you to be notified if/when he’s released?

Tomorrow morning you make a call to a family law solicitor and instruct them to divorce him and get an injunction against him. And you mean it.

Be receptive to SS/Police advice. Stay safe Flowers

Original poster
Howdyagetstokillaroo · 25/07/2018 20:47

He headbutted me and when I pulled away he twisted my arm and I fell to the floor. Over laundry. The doctors are coming. The nurse just said

OP posts:
Dontknowwhatimdoing · 25/07/2018 20:47

If he has been arrested the police should let you know before he is let out. With injuries like that, I would be very surprised if he is not remanded in custody, for court in the morning. If you are able to co-operate with the investigation it will make it more likely that he will be charged and remanded in custody.

Your DC will not get taken away from you, as others have said, you just need to keep them away from him. I hope you are not in too much pain. It won't feel like it now, but this could be the start of a much better life for you and the DC.

rainbowruthie · 25/07/2018 20:47

I am so, so sorry to read of your awful injuries, second you calling a friend to be with you at the hospital
Sending you kind thoughts and wishing you strength to deal with tis dreadful situation Flowers

Sleepyslops · 25/07/2018 20:47

Also, don't panic about him coming the the hospital. The Police won't be rushing to let him out (they'll probably go for a demand, tbh). They'll need to come take statements etc, probably before they interview him.

TillyMint81 · 25/07/2018 20:48

You've had plenty of amazing advice on here and I've no experience to add more to it.
How are you doing right now? I'm sending you huge amounts of strength. Think of your children. If girls do you want them to see this as normal behaviour to accept from a man? If boys would you want them to treat a partner this way? Xxx

user764329056 · 25/07/2018 20:48

Fucking bastard, am so sorry OP, do you have anyone you are close to who could come and sit with you for a while? You need lots of support and please know that you are a great person and he is a worthless piece of crap, real men don’t hurt women

JumbleJamba · 25/07/2018 20:48

I'm so sorry. This isn't your fault. Remember that.

Your job now is to look after your kids and yourself and that means never letting him near you again. Let the SW and police help you with this, and stay strong.

Sleepyslops · 25/07/2018 20:48

Remand... not demand. Stupid fingers.

JenFromTheGlen · 25/07/2018 20:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cherrysherbet · 25/07/2018 20:49

This is not your fault. You are not to blame.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

Focus now on yourself and your children. Have nothing more to do with this vile arsehole.
Decent human beings don't put people in hospital.
Choose your safety and your children's safety over this 'man.'
I wish you a speedy recovery 💐

Arum51 · 25/07/2018 20:49

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Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RB68 · 25/07/2018 20:49

Unfortunately I am close to something similar at the moment - a close friend - who has just been removed from her home as he refused to leave.

I suggest contacting SS and Domestic Abuse team for your area. He is being physically and emotionally abusive (threats to kill and also threat of having kids taken etc) speak to them and get them to hep you with a non molestation order and getting a marker on your property. I would get locks changed and under NO circumstances let him have a key or back int he property. Contact the police and refuse to have him bailed to home address. Its a long hard road and you are going to have to be strong - call on friends and relatives as you will need their support emotionally and financially.

viques · 25/07/2018 20:51

OP! I am so sorry this has happened to you, be strong, things will get better starting from now because your destructive violent partner is now no longer in your life.

Your children are safe, you are alive, the rest and the best of your life begins tomorrow though it won't seem like it for a while.

thecatsarecrazy · 25/07/2018 20:51

When a partner gets arrested it's standard to call s.s

NotBeforeCoffee · 25/07/2018 20:51

Please remember that you haven't done anything wrong!
You can now be free of this man deserve better than to live under his control.
SS will not take the children as long as you take all the steps to keep this man away from them.
Please follow through with the police investigation, it can be tough going but it's for the best for you and the children. There is lots of support available.
I really wish you well

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 25/07/2018 20:52

Be strong love, and don’t let this evil man back into your life. Keeping him away is the best thing for you and the kids. Sending unmumsnetty hugs Flowers

DewDropsonKittens · 25/07/2018 20:53

Sending you virtual hugs

Social care will actually help you in this situation, they will be able to get a non molestation order, child arrangements order and restraining order on the go pretty quickly

Also, ask for the police to take you to MARAC as you will then be given an IDVR

You will then get access to the Bobby scheme and they will install safety in to your home

RB68 · 25/07/2018 20:54

BTW the Police are doing you a favour at the movement as you have breathing space and time to sort things out, my friend wasn't so lucky initially as it was financial control and emotional abuse of both her and her daughter. Hopefully they will keep him in overnight and bail to another address. You need an emergency non molestation and occupation order (for the house ie he can't live there) which you can take to the judge tomorrow. Local Crown court 10 till 2 usually but the Dom Violence team will get that going or you.