Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

My Husband has been taken into custody

285 replies

Howdyagetstokillaroo · 25/07/2018 20:08

He has broken my nose, my left cheekbone and dislocated my shoulder. My children are with my mum and the police have called social services. I am paralytic with fear that they will take my babies away. He always said they would because one day he would kill me.

OP posts:
ihatesquats · 25/07/2018 20:21

Feel free to inbox me if you need more advice. Not a solicitor but my job used to involve working with SS.

Original poster
Howdyagetstokillaroo · 25/07/2018 20:21

I am in an a&e bed. Left arm in a sling on lota of morphine. I am on my own

OP posts:
smallchanceofrain · 25/07/2018 20:21

You have a stark choice - him or your children. If social care think that you can't protect then they'll be talking to you about who in your family can keep the children safe if you can't. Living with domestic abuse will damage your children emotionally - massively. It could even harm them physically, if they get caught in the crossfire. He has said that he will kill you and the worst thing that could happen would be for your children to be left without a mum. Whatever help you are offered grab that help with both hands and focus on keeping yourself and your children safe. Flowers

NorthernLurker · 25/07/2018 20:21

It was sensible to wait till you were sure he was gone. If he had come back whilst you were calling for help he could have hurt you again.

So, you need medical support with your injuries, you need legal support for your situation which women's aid can help you access and you need local and emotional support which I hope your mum and friends can offer. The one thing you do not need is anything your husband can offer. You need to end your marriage now because it isn't helpful anymore, it's endangering you and imperilling your relationship with your kids. Do you feel you can end it? If you can do that your kids will be ok with you I'm sure. Social services will however be very concerned about your kids if you stay with such a violent man,

NoLightInTheTunnel · 25/07/2018 20:22

When my abusive ex hurt one of the DCs, I had to keep them away from them. He wasn't even allowed to see them in a public place. I was told that, if I allowed him to see the DC, the DC would be taken away from me, as I would be deemed unfit to protect them.

As long as you stay away from him and keep the DC away from him you won't lose your DC. So please, whatever you do and however much he begs (and he will), don't ever go back to him.

ohdeardeardear · 25/07/2018 20:23

Social services will be involved for a bit only to ensure you and your DC are safe. The fact they are with your mum is a good thing. Is there an IDVA in the hospital? A safeguarding nurse? They will be able to go through things with you.

ApolloandDaphne · 25/07/2018 20:24

I am a SW and would like to confirm that SS will not remove your DC from you if you co-operate with them and the police and do exactly as they say. You will need to show that you can prioritise and protect your DC and not get back in a relationship with your DH.

BottleOfJameson · 25/07/2018 20:26

I agree with others, I only have one point of reference but if SS trust you not to let the abusive man back in they won't want to remove your children from you. Flowers Flowers I hope you all have access to good quality support and counselling.

mrsfarmsrswife · 25/07/2018 20:26

Oh my word please look after urself. Ur children have a strong mother an u need to show social services that. Stick to ur guns when it comes to pressing charges and removing that man from ur life an I'm sure ur children will be with u where they belong

IAintEvenBovveredThough · 25/07/2018 20:27

I'm so sorry this has happened to you OPThanks

SS will not take your children from you, you haven't done anything wrong. They might stick around for a bit to make sure you keep that piece of shit away from you and your kids but they wouldn't take them from you! They'll most likely want to offer you some support too.

He should have bail conditions to not go anywhere near you or your home. Just make sure you keep him away and everything will be fine. Go have a nice life with your children away from that low life and never look back!

rollingonariver · 25/07/2018 20:27

They will not take your kids away if you are capable of protecting them from him.
I'm so sorry this has happened, I hope you're safe and free of him now Thanks

gamerchick · 25/07/2018 20:28

SS won't take your kids but you do understand that you won't be able to take him back don't you? You have to choose.

Original poster
Howdyagetstokillaroo · 25/07/2018 20:28

I haven't really seen anyone here. My injuries have been checked I have plugs in my nose and lots of morphine. They are arranging theatre to relocate my shoulder. That is all I know right now. If he is let out will he come here? What if he comes here? or goes to my mum's?

OP posts:
MyMagicStars · 25/07/2018 20:29

I am so sorry this happened, and proud of you for reporting and for looking out for yourself. You and your children will be safe, and you are now in control. Where would you like to be in a week, a month, a year?

FuckMePinkAndCallMeCedric · 25/07/2018 20:29

OP I’m so sorry this has happened to you. Having been in this situation myself my advice is:
Dont treat SS as the enemy- they’re not

Have no contact with this man at all, even “for the children’s sake”. Contact women’s aid they will have lists of your local solicitors who take cases like yours and you should be entitled to legal aid due to DV. A non molestation order and a prohibitive steps order should keep him at arms length legally. If he wants contact with the children the onus is on him to go to court and ask for it. Don’t back down.

Women’s aid can give you loads of help and advice let them help you.

Ultimately what SS want to know is can you and will you do what it takes to protect you and your children from him? You have to show them you can. Cooperate with them.

Original poster
Howdyagetstokillaroo · 25/07/2018 20:30

I dont want him. I haven't wanted him in a long time. He has never hurt me this bad. It's been mostly threats.

OP posts:
DonkeyPlease · 25/07/2018 20:31

He's done such a terrible thing. I am so sorry to hear that he hurt you like this. You poor thing.

Your children will stay with you. They'll only take them away if you keep seeing your husband / take your husband back.

Please choose your children and your life, over him. He's vile, subhuman scum. You and the children are worth more than this awful criminal can give you x

Ellie56 · 25/07/2018 20:32

You can tell the nursing staff if he turns up at the hospital that you don't want to see him. Tell your mum if he turns up at hers to call the police.

Sleepyslops · 25/07/2018 20:32

Hopefully he's been remanded. If not then you MUST stay away from him and if he comes near then call 999 straight away. This man in dangerous.

They won't take your children if you're trying to protect them and you, if you're doing all the right things and staying away from him.

Cooperate with the Police. Do NOT let the good memories you may have of this man creep in. He's shown his true colours now and you don't deserve this.

Don't worry about waiting til it was safe. Believe it or not, that is actually quite a common reaction. Also, not reporting to the Police yourself is too. (I work with the CPS).

Be kind to yourself and take care.

OlennasWimple · 25/07/2018 20:32
Flowers

Do the hospital know the circumstances that led to you being admitted? Ie if your husband turns up asking to see you, they know that he needs to be removed from the premises immediately?

Bluntness100 · 25/07/2018 20:32

They won't take your children, but This will indeed be a stark choice, I'm sorry, if you allow this man near you or them again, you will lose the children, I'm sorry. If you're able to demonstrate you won't allow that to happen you will keep your kids.

Hopefully if he is in custody this scum goes to jail and the risk is removed for you. I'm guessing you will testify as to what he's done to you? This isn't the first time is it?

colditz · 25/07/2018 20:32

My ex hit me and I called the police. They called the social services. The social worker rang me and asked me if the ex was coming back to the house? I confirmed no. They never contacted me again.

Show them that he's gone for good by pressing charges and cutting contact

And I am so, so sorry he hurt you so badly, I hope you recover quickly.

ihatesquats · 25/07/2018 20:33

Tell staff now that you don't want him anywhere near you. If the police are involved they should have already done that.
All your mum can do is call the police if he turns up, until you have an order in place. That can keep him away from any known addresses of yours.

He shouldn't be realised until tomorrow morning at the earliest, I suspect the police will be trying to keep in remand.

Sirzy · 25/07/2018 20:33

Staff will call security if he tries to get into the ward.

If he tries to get near your mums she needs to call the police straight away and let them deal with Him

OlennasWimple · 25/07/2018 20:33

I know you probably don't want to keep a record of this at the moment, but get photos of what he did to you, to show people (from the judge in any court case down the road to the eejit friends who will try to minimise his actions)

Swipe left for the next trending thread